BJ Hunnicutt quotes from M*A*S*H

I'm sorry for being so young.

That's all right, you'll grow out of it.

What he's trying to say is, correct me if I'm wrong...what's he trying to say?

Hawkeye

That Rosie's is an oasis, a bamboo security blanket, a neutral country all its own.

Yeah a country!

Hawkeye

(grunt) 23 hours of O.R.

So?...23 hours...It's not like we were in there all day.

Charles

I feel like Dorian Grey's picture. Does anyone mind if I relax to some Beethoven?

Hawkeye

Yes! (simultaneous with B.J.)

Aww...not tonight! (simultaneous with Hawkeye)

Charles

Alrighty, since you insist (starts the record player)

(sarcastically) We-hell, at least he had the decency to ask.

Hawkeye

My body is so tired it's suing me for running a sweatshop.

Hawkeye

Why am I wide awake?!? I know, how 'bout a brisk walk?

I can see us all sitting at a reunion ten years from now.

Hawkeye

Yeah, the war's been over for a month, we all have gray hair, Charles has his in a box.

Will someone please tell me what's going on here?

We thought your wife might like some pictures of your fact-finding tour.

Hawkeye

Suitable for hanging.

Either of you seen Radar?

Hawkeye

Last I saw him he was in the Officer's Club having a touch of the grape.

Why? What's wrong?

Plenty. I just got a wire from the boy's mother in Iowa. Radar's Uncle Ed passed away.

Hawkeye

Oy.

Yeah, oy.

Do you, Chuck Emerson Winchester III, take this lovely if gullible young woman as your un-lawful, un-wedded un-wife?

Charles

I undo.

And do you, Donna Marie Parker Winchester the Third, take this pickled amnesiac as your un-lawful, un-wedded, un-hubby?

I undo, too.

Now with the power invested in me by the state of intoxication, I pronounce you man and woman. You may now ignore the bride.

Now, Father- we understand this ceremony may be against the tenets of your religion

(drunk) I didn't know tennis was a religion!

Hawkeye

We're 3 1/2 minutes over! Damn it!!

Maybe the hypothermia bought us some time.

Hawkeye

Yeah, on the other hand, maybe it didn't.

Hawk, we saved his life.

Hawkeye

Yeah, well I guess that's something.

It's more than something, it's everything.

Margaret

WE DID IT! WE DID IT! Do you know what we DID?!

We made a man who's part George and part Harold!

Charles

And part Winchester.

Hawkeye

That's right! When he wakes up, he won't know whether to be brave, generous, or pompous!

Hawkeye

OK, ten shots, one every two hours.

Charles

Ah, a mere twenty hours 'til we are released from the munchkin horde.

Charles, have you been hoarding munchkins again?

You two baboons spoiled a swell movie!

Hawkeye

No, we didn't! It's been here so long, it's spoiled by itself.

Yeah!

I've seen better film forming in my soup.

Yeah? Well I happen to think this is a fine piece of celluloid. As a matter of fact, it's mine and Mildred's favorite. Mildred loves Charles Boyer. This is a war, you know! Be grateful that we got a talkie!

Hawkeye

We are, but don't you think we deserve a little decent entertainment?! God knows everything else around here stinks!

Charles

What about we do something civilized?

Klinger

Like what?

Charles

Like sipping sherry while musicians play a string trio by Franz Josef Haydn. Or perhaps, someone with a trained voice could read selections from Edna St. Vincent Millay.

Margaret

This is for Pierce?

Oh he'd love it once we got him tied to the chair.

Klinger

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. I don't wanna be entertained by somebody with three names unless it's Gypsy Rose Lee.

Charles

This cultural commentary is brought to you by Maxwell "Swinish" Klinger.

Charles

Je- He what?! Jealous.

Charles

I... just... Give me that! (takes the letter) Get to camp out, eh? (writing) "My dear diminutive correspondent, Your misinformation is exceeded only by your ahhh-trocious grammar.

Leave it to Charles to be the world's first poison pen pal.

Hawkeye

You are great with scissors (talking to Bill the lawyer), you could be a doctor or a barber.

Margaret

This is so unprofessional, I really must object.

Objection overruled

Hawkeye

Relax Margaret. The lawyer is only here on a trial basis

Haven't you ever heard of anyone ever practicing medicine?

Hawkeye

And besides, the case is closed and the patient rests

OR is now adjourned (Hits an emesis basin with a hammer)