Major Winchester, I'm terribly sorry, would you mind stepping outside and scrubbing up?
Ha-ha, I kindly doubt that would be necessary, Major. I just spent seven and a half minutes scrubbing.
Yes, but that was before you touched your nose.
Your nose, you touched your nose; you're no longer sterile. If you operate now, you will contaminate the field.
Of course. That is precisely what I would do if, in fact, I had touched my nose, which I didn't.
Major, I saw you touch your nose.
Major, do you think my face is insensate? Don't you think that if I had touched my nose, I would've felt it?
I just felt something funny over my lip. Maybe it touched my nose.
BBJ
Touched his nose, Charles. You'll have to marry him.
Colonel Potter, I clearly saw Major Winchester touch his nose!
Colonel, I refuse to spend another seven and a half minutes scrubbing up because of this woman's paranoid hallucinations!
She's a pretty good observer, Winchester.
I did not touch my-! [calms] I did not touch my nose.
You did touch your nose! I SAW you touch your nose!
It's the Battle of the Noses, ladies and gentlemen! Who do you think is ahead, Captain Honeycutt?
BBJ
Well, Winchester was ahead for a while, but he blew it.
[Angrily goes to wash] How am I expected to operate in here if I must continually leave to wash my hands?
EEveryone
DON'T TOUCH YOUR NOSE!
You interrupted a Zane Grey gunfight because of a schoolyard spat over a jacket?
That jacket is rightfully mine.
Major get your mind off collecting fees. This is the army not park avenue.
Potter (pointing to boots): See those boots? Picture them kicking you across the compound.
Sure. You know my hours, 11pm to reville.
Well purjury must have its day in court.
Who does he think he is, The Merchant of Korea?
BBJ
Stop crying, it's just a pound of flesh.
A pound of flesh, my butt.
What do you think the sentence is for firing an officer out of a Howitzer?
BBJ
190 years, if you're a first offender.
Whose bright idea was this, anyhow?
Look at him! He doesn't sweat. I ain't seen someone who doesn't sweat before.
BBJ
Sure you have, in the Reptile House.
I think I'm gonna fold, while I still have a little left for the orphans.
Oh, Father, give them my, (starts to hand Mulcahy a blue poker chip, but switches to a red) give them my best.
(pauses) Well, good night everyone.
RDCaptain Roy Dupree
(downing his 'Swamp hooch' in one gulp) Why don't you boys put some whiskey in this punch?
BBJ
You were a fire-eater before you became a doctor.
RDCaptain Roy Dupree
Shoot, back home, my mama'd sprinkle this stuff on her ironing board!
Hawkeye (after Charles takes a swig of the liquid in his hair restorer bottle): Charles, you're drinking your hair!
Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve-year-old Scotch. You don't think I'd keep it in the original bottle with you petty larcenists around, do you?
I've been drinking from his Scotch bottle!
KKwang
Excuse me, but uh, what are you doing to gun?
BBJ
Preventative maintenance, Kwang
We fix it now, and no one will have to worry about it again.
KKwang
Ah, Kwang understand. No, he don't.
I am the essence of overconfidence. I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome, yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution, the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle fuzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life, I am appetite!
BBJ
And I'm not taking my clothes off till he leaves.
M*A*S*H · 691 quotes
