TV show quotes
So, what are you getting Peggy for Valentine's Day? Fur? Jewels? A car?
If it was only that easy. I'm gonna have sex with her. Yeah, it's kind of a tradition. Every Valentine's Day I climb those stairs, you know, walk the last mile, and slam-dunk her one. It's a spin through hell for me, but she seems to like it.
I only pray that after 16 years Marcy and I will have that kind of magic between us.
Steve, if it was magic I could do it from down here in front of the TV.
Oh, bunk. You live in this hovel, you bore him those two awful children, and he can't even tell you he loves you? I've heard him say "I love the Cubs", "I'd love a beer." "I'd love it if you'd leave, Marcy." Face it Peggy. This man is no stranger to the word "love".
[walks by Kelly, who is pretending to be a mannequin so she will be able to sneak out] Damn, mannequins look like hookers.
I need shoes!
Yeah, the blacksmith's around the corner.
Hey, Dad. Report Card day!
(Kelly looks shocked)
I got four A's and a B. But enough about me. [he turns to Kelly] Batter up.
I err...I lost it.
Well... [Takes report card out of pocket] This is your lucky day [he holds up the card] 'cause I found it. Must have fallen out of your purse and accidentally gotten taped under your bed.
(Bud hands the card to Al)
How'd she do?
Uh, erm... F, F, F, D. What happened, Kel, you attend one?
Well, Steve forgave me. He's the most wonderful man in the world...
Al, why can't you be more like Steve?
...and he's impotent!
My God, you are like Steve.
Marcy You know, Al. There may be something on this planet with fewer brain cells than you. But whatever it is -- wherever it is -- I'm sure its name is Bundy! You should be on all fours, carting a wagon full of borax across the desert! You're compost! You're phlegm! You are a true pork product!
Are you gonna take my advice?
[defeated] Yes.
Okay, Marcy. The first time you tried, was the light on?
Yes?
There ya go: he saw ya.
(Marcy goes straight for Al's throat, strangling him as Peg answers the door)
Mom, Bud found a corn flake between the refrigerator and the sink and he won't share.
I welcome death!
[Al and Peg are posing as Steve and Marcy Rhoades on a game show named "How Do I Love Thee".]
Are you ready for the final challenge, Steve?
What's it gonna be this time, Bink? Hand grenade down the pants? Spear in the pelvis? Impail me on a fence? Come on Bink, don't keep me in suspense here. The wife need a new car!
Ok Steve, you and Marcy are going up against an old married couple who may not love each other as much as you and your bride. As always we picked them from our studio audience for the way they filled out our questionnaire: Why I Hate My Spouse. From right here in the windy city. He's a shoe salesman. She's a waste of a human life. Married for 16 years meet Al and Peggy Bundy.
[Steve and Marcy comes out posing as Al and Peg.]
[Marcy and Steve are impersonating the Bundys on the TV game show]
So, you stole our mail and our names, huh?
How'd you find out?
Your kids sold you out for a square meal.
[Kelly and Bud are shown in the TV studio audience munching on junk food]
[Al is sitting underneath a bed and is being "crushed" by several very large women on the game show "How Do I Love Thee".]
How'ya doing down there, Steve?
I can taste my spleen.
So, what are you gonna do with the money, Al?
What I always knew I would.
(Al stands by the staircase and rattles his bills)
(Peggy and the kids come down the stairs sniffing the air and looking around)
Al, I heard a strange sound. What is it?
Family, I have an announcement. I have money.
(Al holds out the money)
(Peggy whoops and snatches the money from Al's hand)
[Everyone but Al is singing "You Are My Sunshine."]
Just the boys.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Just the girls.
You'll never know, dear...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
