Well we had a good time. Well you had a good time while mine blew chunks. I'd like to remind you, son, while you're figuring out my score, that if I don't get my driver's license, that means I can't drive. If I can't drive, I can't go to work. If I can't go to work, that means I'll have to stay home. And I'll be home all the time. Day and night. When you bring your dates over, I will be in my underwear. You know the underwear, don't you, son.
Not the ones that read "If you lived here, you'd be home now."
And I'll be clipping my toenails and eating Cheez-Whiz from the can. Now let me ask you, son, HOW'D I DO?!!!
Bud {initimated}: You passed.
All right you son of a woman from Wanker. You wanna drive, Lets Drive.
[answers the phone] Hello Peg.
How'd you know it was me, Al?
I actually heard God laugh.
S9 E3 Kelly Breaks Out
Now here's all the money I've got. I want you to go out to a pharmacy and get some real medicine.
Outside? But Daddy, what if someone sees my pimple?
Pumpkin, it's dark. No one is going to see the pimple.
I guess you're right. I guess I'm just being silly, huh?
[Kelly opens the front door]
MO Man on street
Woah, look at the zits on the blonde chick!
Thank God he didn't see the pimple, huh?
Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.
S9 E5 Business Still Sucks (1)
FW Fat woman
How dare you say that to my face?
I'd say it behind your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas!
S9 E8 Sleepless In Chicago
The things that happen when you forget to pack your cyanide pill.
S9 E9 No Pot to Pease in
Well, let's see: I have an unemployed actress for a daughter... a son who'd have sex with a fire hydrant...and...
Oh, happy day. My TV Guide cover collector plates are here.
That! Gee, I wonder where the next bolt of lightning will strike.
TP TV Producer
Listen, I've been making TV since, well, since my wife was born. And do you know what I have learned? Nothing! You people learn more by watching it than we learn by making it!
S9 E11 A Man For No Seasons
[Two time MVP Frank Thomas spins newspapers.]
FT Frank Thomas
Can I have a break now?
FT Frank Thomas
[grabs a bat.] Can I have a break now!
M Manager
Ab... Absolutely.
[Bud and Kelly has just came home from working in the shoe store.]
A fat woman came into the shoe store today.
And Bud still looked up her dress.
Ah, you two are the best kids any dad could accidentally have.
I'm taking this fight to the place that stands for liberty, that stands for freedom of expression.
Marcy (to the tune of the Psycho Dad theme) : Who's the guy whose show is done?
Who's TV hero's on the run?
Who'll be watching VH-1?
Loser Al, Loser Al, it's Loser Al!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
