Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy quotes from Married... with Children

Jefferson

Drop dead!

Peg

Lick feet!

Marcy

Eat dirt!

Al

Grow hair!

Peg

Al, guess what? Marcy is pregnant.

Al

Well, congratulations Marcy, now you can finally be fitted for a bra.

Marcy

That's right, Al, but I don't need to complain to you what it's like to carry around small things.

Al

Marcy, why are you here?

Marcy

I want to talk with Peggy, privately.

Al

No. Why are you here on Earth?

Marcy

Peggy, guess what happened at work today.

Al

A hold-up man gave you his mask to wear?

Marcy

Turn that disgusting thing off [Changes the channel on Al's TV] Here, watch this. Steel Magnolias

Al

What's Boris Karloff doing in a dress?

Marcy

That's Shirley MacLaine, you baco-bit.

Al

Well, I owe Boris an apology.

Marcy

You owe everything an apology

Marcy

OK, I admit it. There are times I do need a man in my life. Oh, boys!

Officer Dan

Is that Jerry Springer?

Yes, sir.

Officer Dan

Tie him back up, I hate that guy!

Marcy

Hey, Stubby, we heard about what happened, so we got you a card.

Jefferson

I talked her out of the "Ask me about me circumcision" bumper sticker.

Marcy

[reading from the card]

Marcy

What are you guys laughing at?

Jefferson

Nothing. We're just happy to be here with the women we love.

Al

And you guys.

Marcy

Oh, Peggy, what are you going to do with $10,000?

Peg

Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.

Marcy

Well, at least we're in a church.

Ladies, I gotta lock up. Get out.

Marcy

I thought this was a sanctuary.

Yeah, 'til 11:00. After that, it's just another crime scene.

Marcy

What's Mr. Potato Head doing here?

Al

Well, I don't know: you married him.

Marcy

Not that Mr. Potato Head, the one that's actually worth something.

Al

Why are you doing this to me, Marcy?

Marcy

Because God's on vacation and He wants me to fill in.

Al

Marcy, me and that Dodge have been together a long time.

Marcy

So have you and your hair and you got rid of that.

Marcy

Please Al, my job is on the line.

Al

Oh, well that changes nothing.

Marcy

Peggy, Kelly, as your civil defense block captain, I'm taking charge. You are to follow my orders without asking any questions.

Kelly

So we're supposed to act like Mr. Darcy?

Marcy

You've only got time to take your most prized possession.

Kelly

Can I take two?

Peggy

Can I get a little help here?