[Al and Peg are going outside to sleep.]
Oh, no, Al! It's raining!
Good. I'll sleep with my mouth open. Maybe I'll drown.
“The House That Peg Lost” · Season 3, Episode 16
In this episode: Al Bundy (6), Peg (5), Kelly Bundy (3), Bud Bundy (1), Marcy Rhoades-D'Arcy (1)
[Kelly tells Al about her upcoming slumber party.]
You're not having a slumber party. I'm still having flashbacks from the last one you had.
Daddy, I was eight years old.
But the judge wanted to try you as an adult.
So I let the plumber in over at Steve and Marcy's house.
Al (sarcastically): Oh, they'll be so happy. (drops the sarcasm): By the way, did you know their house is gone?
Peg (confused): What do you mean, "gone"?
Gone. Like my hopes, my dreams, my future.
Peg (finally understanding what he means): Oh, you mean "gone". (gets up to look out the door window): It can't be gone. (looks outside): Al, Steve and Marcy's house is gone!
Nothing gets by you, does it, Peg? Except a house!
Peg, I don't like going to your mother's. I see how she looks at me: like I was between two pieces of bread. We all know what happened to her dog.
They never proved that.
Oh, I had the most horrible dream. I dreamt I was Dorothy on The Wizard of Oz. Peggy, you were The Good Witch. Al, you were looking for a brain. And Steve...(suggestively): you were Don Johnson naked. Then a train went through a tunnel...and our house was gone! (sighs): I'm feeling much better now. (to Peggy): Did you remember to let the plumber in?
(Pegs looks at Marcy sympathetically. Fade into later. Marcy is tying on a red silk robe)
Well, Peggy gave me this tacky peignoir. (to Steve): Did Al give you something to sleep in?
(A miserable Steve walks out with a blue T-shirt that reads: I'M MARRIED; SHOOT ME)
Come on, Kel. I did all your chores. I alphabetized all your albums. I even put an "Over One Million Served" sign on the wall above your bed. Now can I stay for your pajama party?
No, pus bomb, you can't.
Daddy, we don't have any food.
My underwear has no elastic. (jerks a thumb at Peg): Take it up with June Cleaver over here.
So who died and made me mom?
You know, you can learn a lot about someone going through their safe. I wonder if Steve knows that the house is only in Marcy's name.
And I wonder if Marcy knows that Steve's mother is the beneficiary on his life insurance.
You know, we may not have much, but at least we don't keep secrets from each other.
You said it, Al. (both of them turn away, worried about their respective untold secrets)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.