So, according to your logic, a two-foot fall from a mini-bike is more dangerous than a six-foot fall from a galloping horse?
That was a long time ago.
Before... gravity?
S2 E22"Mini-Bike"
(turns the truck on) I don't know why we have to go across town. It seems kind of silly.
Craig, I promise. It's the best ice cream in town.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
[backs up the truck and runs over something, making a loud thud; he stops the truck]
What was that?!
[Dewey moves a rock out of the driveway to fool Craig into thinking that it was Reese's leg that he ran over]
(non-emotional) Ow! Ow, my leg! Ow! Ow!
[Dewey rolls eyes and hits Reese's bump. He begins sobbing and screaming]
(quickly gets out of his truck, panicking) Oh, my God, what did I do?!
You ran over his leg!
Oh, no!
(runs outside) What happened? (sees Reese injured) Oh, my God, Reese!
[Reese continues sobbing loudly as Malcolm & Dewey look at each other and smile as their plan worked]
(leaving) Jellybean and I are leaving now. Once again, I'm very sorry. I can't even look you people in the eye.
[Once gone, Lois decides to call it even knowing her sons' plans got Craig out of the house.]
Sir, his shirt just came untucked when he was hugging his father. You can't yell at him for hugging his father.
[The cadet runs when Spangler turns his attention to Francis]
Francis!
On no, I'm glad you saw this because this is exactly what I was talking about. Always underminding my authority, day in, day out. It's the same thing. Like when I made Cadet Dooley do 600 laps of the perimeter for an inside-out pillow case violation, Francis organizes a sit in. Or when I cut off the electricity in the 5th floor for contraband boom-box, he hijacks a generator for them. The boy lives to cause chaos.
He was hugging his dad!
In front of his father he still defies me at every turn.
And everytime something like this happens, he challenges you.
Every time.
Even though he knows he'll get in trouble.
That doesn't seem to matter to him at all.
I understand.
(turns to Francis) I will deal with you, later.
[turns off the mini bike with the key and takes it out] It's no one's! What's wrong with you boys?! You aren't allowed to have a motorcycle.
S2 E23"Carnival"
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, puppies, ice cream, fat people falling over.
When your TV privileges are taken away, you have to do something for entertainment. This is totally a trade-up.
[after realising that Malcolm and Reese lied to them] Hal, get my bra!
[The phone rings]
Let the machine get it.
Hello, it's Francis. Mom, dad, pick up. I'm in the emergency room and the doctors think they will save my leg when they...
Francis, are you okay?
Ha! Screening your own child. Fine parents you are.
Honey, what's wrong?
The fact that I have to resort to lies to get you to talk to me . That's what wrong.
What do you want, Francis?
I don't know, it's Saturday night. I thought I could call and say hi.
Can we call you later? Dad and I are kind of busy right now.
Alright, let me talk to my brothers.
They're not here.
Then what are you...ew...oh...
Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!...
Kitty, you have to leave a little room between your Stevies or you won't be able to hear him yell back.
I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous. I don't have as much experience with my child being in mortal danger.
Okay, just calm down. You have to focus on something positive like we're how going to punish them.
How can I focus on anything when Stevie's out there being lost and scared?
I understand how you're feeling, Kitty. I'm concerned. We're all concerned.
Abe, this van is a palace. How much was it?
Not as much as you think. When I bought the DVD player and the flat screen monitor in the GPS system for free.
Stevie!...Stevie!... Stevie...
S3Houseboat
[After Hal gets arrested and Malcolm refusing to help his father while talking to a girl] Do you realize how close your father came to being a registered sex offender?! A registered sex offender! And for what? For some trampy girl? For...
Mom, please. I feel terrible. I completely understand what I did. I sold out my own father for a girl. It's the worst thing I've ever done. We both agree, I'm a terrible person.
For some girl you don't even know! Who wouldn't give you the time of day! That's the gratitude you showed your father.
Hey, maybe I'm the good one after all. [Giving a glass of tea to Lois] Here, mom, for your throat. I put a little honey in it.
That man gets one vacation a year and this is how you start it. [Phone rings] You go and make it right.
[on the phone with Francis] Absolutely not, Francis.
You're not listening, I could make $45 an hour. That's more than what you or dad make.
You are going to graduate from high school.
Why spend the tuition? It's a total waste of money and we both know I'm failing. [All is quiet for a moment.] Okay, now we both know.
Francis, you are going to stay in school until you graduate and that's all there is to it and if you FLUNK OUT then that's just another year you're stuck there.
You just can't stand the fact that i'll be making more MONEY THAN YOU! (slams the phone into the wall, it drops on his foot causing him to scream and pain and bump into the trophy case) whew that was close. (the trophy case loses a leg and falls on Francis).
[looking at a letter concerning Francis] Oh my GOD!!!!
What is it?
It's Francis. He quit school. He's on his way to Alaska!
That's impossible. He can't take himself out of school. He has to have our permission.
No, he doesn't! [Shows Hal and the boys a legal document] He got himself legally emancipated!
S3Emancipation
[The Krelboynes are discussing their new teacher]
What...a jerk!
Is that what we're going to turn out like? If I ever start acting like that, you have to promise to kill me!
No! No more death pacts!
[After Francis has spent the whole episode trying to talk to Lois, she is willing to listen]
Francis, I'm listening...
This is what you get! This is what you get for the way you treated me! [Lois looks stunned] I'm going to Alaska, you're gonna be left without a son, and the horrible way you treated me is now a matter of public record!
[furious] I treated you?! We made sacrifice after sacrifice for you and you've caused us nothing but pain!
You want pain?! I got your scars, baby; three and a half years in that horrible school!
We went without for that school!
[sarcastic] Oh, maybe I should thank you? Thank you, Mother, for making my life A LIVING HELL!
[Hal and the boys go back inside the house. The rest of the argument between Lois and Francis continues offscreen.]
"Living hell?" You've been nothin' but a problem since the day you were born!
Well your problems are over, lady, 'cause I'm outta here!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.