“Houseboat” quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Lois

[After Hal gets arrested and Malcolm refusing to help his father while talking to a girl] Do you realize how close your father came to being a registered sex offender?! A registered sex offender! And for what? For some trampy girl? For...

Malcolm

Mom, please. I feel terrible. I completely understand what I did. I sold out my own father for a girl. It's the worst thing I've ever done. We both agree, I'm a terrible person.

Lois

For some girl you don't even know! Who wouldn't give you the time of day! That's the gratitude you showed your father.

Reese

Hey, maybe I'm the good one after all. [Giving a glass of tea to Lois] Here, mom, for your throat. I put a little honey in it.

Lois

That man gets one vacation a year and this is how you start it. [Phone rings] You go and make it right.

Lois

[on the phone with Francis] Absolutely not, Francis.

Francis

You're not listening, I could make $45 an hour. That's more than what you or dad make.

Lois

You are going to graduate from high school.

Francis

Why spend the tuition? It's a total waste of money and we both know I'm failing. [All is quiet for a moment.] Okay, now we both know.

Lois

Francis, you are going to stay in school until you graduate and that's all there is to it and if you FLUNK OUT then that's just another year you're stuck there.

Francis

You just can't stand the fact that i'll be making more MONEY THAN YOU! (slams the phone into the wall, it drops on his foot causing him to scream and pain and bump into the trophy case) whew that was close. (the trophy case loses a leg and falls on Francis).

Lois

[looking at a letter concerning Francis] Oh my GOD!!!!

Hal

What is it?

Lois

It's Francis. He quit school. He's on his way to Alaska!

Hal

That's impossible. He can't take himself out of school. He has to have our permission.

Lois

No, he doesn't! [Shows Hal and the boys a legal document] He got himself legally emancipated!