Abe quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Abe

Sorry we're late, some jackass parked in the handicapped spot.

Abe

[Kitty] won't let me have butter on my bread. Butter. I haven't eaten the stuff in ten years.

Hal

How'd this happen? I mean, we weren't always this way.

Abe

Actually, I was. Classic story: raised by a grandmother and four spinster aunts. I used to wash their hair on Saturday nights.

Hal

Poor bastard. You never had a chance.

Abe

Damn it. Enough is enough! (gobbles down miniature slabs of butter and drinks a shot)

Hal

You go, Abe!

Kitty

Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie! Stevie!...

Lois

Kitty, you have to leave a little room between your Stevies or you won't be able to hear him yell back.

Kitty

I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous. I don't have as much experience with my child being in mortal danger.

Lois

Okay, just calm down. You have to focus on something positive like we're how going to punish them.

Kitty

How can I focus on anything when Stevie's out there being lost and scared?

Lois

I understand how you're feeling, Kitty. I'm concerned. We're all concerned.

Hal

Abe, this van is a palace. How much was it?

Abe

Not as much as you think. When I bought the DVD player and the flat screen monitor in the GPS system for free.

Kitty

Stevie!...Stevie!... Stevie...

Abe

Thank you so much for letting us be a part of Dewey's birthday. You're enjoying your special day, son?

Dewey

I expect nothing, and I'm still let down.

Abe

Even though the mashed potatoes are not supposed to come with the duck, cram them in there anyway whether the duck likes it or not.

Ma'am?

Lois

The beef. Even though it's the carrots that are the problem, I'd like to exclude the broccoli.

That may work as a metaphor, ma'am, but you're really screwing up your entree.