S2 High School Play
Live, live, die! [Picks up Playmobil man from table and throws it away] Live, live, live, live, die! [Picks up another man and throws it away as Hal enters]
Hey. What happened to the Judicial system, presided over by a tribunal of wise elders?
I had them lined up and shot.
You know son, maybe you've been spending too much...
Silence! Seize him! [Hal looks around and is startled by the Playmobil men arranged on the top of the buildings]
All right, son. I think it's time you goose-stepped off to bed. [Picks up Dewey by his shirt and drags him off]
Dad, you're embarrassing me in front of my men!
[Lois arrives home]
Hal! Why is this still here! [Slips on a lose piece of Lego and screams as she falls in slow motion, knocking down the whole Lego society as she goes while Hal and Dewey watch in horror] Ow.
[Reese runs in when he hears noise]
No fair! You did it without me!
What are you doing with toilet paper?
I got my hands on some canned fruit, I traded those for batteries, the batteries for DVDs, and I swapped those with the janitor for the school's entire supply of toilet paper. Once the "specially seasoned" meatloaf works its magic, I can name my price.
You know, that's not only unbelievably evil, but you actually put some thought and effort into it. I'm impressed.
Reese Something about people being miserable and suffering brings out the best in me. Thanks for noticing.
We're sorry we left the couch on the railroad tracks and wrecked the train.
G Guard
Do not set foot outside this area. Not one foot!
I would just like to get one thing clear. When we go home, you fellas are still gonna be a presence in the community, right?
G Guard
If I wasn't in uniform, I'd take a swing at you myself.
S2 Flashback
[Reese touches the bug zapper]
OW! OW! YOU STUPID... [Punches the bug zapper] OW!!
[A police officer brings young Francis home and informs Lois that he had caught him taking a joyride on a steamroller]
Thanks, Officer. [turns angrily to Francis] What were you thinking?!
I loved the way you sent the boys to their room...
[Reese is arguing with the driver of an ice cream truck who refuses to sell ice cream in the middle of traffic]
This is just wrong! You can make money and please children! This is a senseless act! You are evil! Pure evil!
IC Ice cream truck driver
Heh! If you kids are not willing to discuss this sensibly...
[The driver shuts himself in the truck]
Look, there's nothing you can do!
Yes, there is! I can... I can...
[Screaming, Reese runs forward and head-butts the side of the truck, then staggers back in pain]
And the Nobel Prize goes to...
Hey, you're talking about my brother! Good one.
[Francis attempts to eat 100 marshmallow "quacks"]
C Cadets
61! 62! 63!... [horrified] 62... 61... [enthusiastic] 62! 63! 64!
[first line] Ok, here's the thing about my family: we don't go on a lot of outings together. But when we do, there's a little tradition that we always end up observing.
[talking to the security guard] When you say lifetime ban, I mean who's lifetime that you're talking about.
[Lois drags Malcolm and Reese by the ear while the security guard sends Hal on his way.]
Don't you ever ask me for anything ever again. I should've just given birth to chimps, then at least I know to expect this kind of behavior.
Believe it or not, I actually envy Dewey. He got to stay home and play with the babysitter.
L Lady
It's still 4:00. You have to wait at least a minute for the time to change, dear.
What time is it in China?
L Lady
Well, sweetie, I think they're a good 20 hou...
L Lady
Well, no...I bet...
L Lady
Honey...if you want an answer to a question, you have to first wait...
(plays with his feet) What does this toe do?
L Lady
You know what, I think I need a pack of cigarettes...for the first time in 20 years.
Dewey [singing]: A-B-C-D. A-B-C-D. A-B-C-D.
L Lady
Honey, it's A-B-C-D E.
I know. [singing again] A-B-C-D. A-B-C-D.
Who's damn dog is this!!! I SAID, WHO'S DAMN DOG IS THIS!!! (tries to open the truck door but is locked) Trapped inside, and all the window's rolled and it's 90 DEGREES OUT HERE!!! (no one responds) Okay! Okay! It's nobody's damn dog. So, I guess nobody's gonna mind... (picks up a rock) ... if I just do this. (smashes the window and peeks in and talks to dog) Oh, don't be scared, little doggy. Oh, everything is gonna be... (dog snarls and goes after Lois; Lois' face turns to fear as she takes off)
OK, let me get this straight -- we've been waiting all afternoon for a crane, and now, the crane is here!
CW Construction Worker
That's right.
And the man who works the crane? He's here, too!
CW Construction Worker
That's right.
THEN WHY IS NOTHING HAPPENING?!
What's the point of being out here?
So you can find stuff like this. (picks up a dirty sock) Hehe, smells like gasoline.
Oh, flashing the brights. It's gonna be like that, huh? (slams on the brakes while the car behind him honks)
Good Lord, Hal! He could have a gun!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
