Malcolm in the Middle · Season 2, Episode 22
“"Mini-Bike"” · Season 2, Episode 22
In this episode: Lois (4), Craig Feldspar (3), Malcolm (2), Reese (1), Hal (1), Francis (1), Commandant Edwin Spangler (1)
What's the matter, Craig?
What does it say on this jar?
"Craig."
Well I'm glad someone around here can read. The jar holds fourteen pickles. I had three yesterday, two for lunch today, and one and a half for snack. And now there are six and a half pickles in this jar. Simple math indicates...
Are you counting the one in your hand?
Ok, false alarm.
So, according to your logic, a two-foot fall from a mini-bike is more dangerous than a six-foot fall from a galloping horse?
That was a long time ago.
Before... gravity?
(turns the truck on) I don't know why we have to go across town. It seems kind of silly.
Craig, I promise. It's the best ice cream in town.
Well, I'll be the judge of that.
[backs up the truck and runs over something, making a loud thud; he stops the truck]
What was that?!
[Dewey moves a rock out of the driveway to fool Craig into thinking that it was Reese's leg that he ran over]
(non-emotional) Ow! Ow, my leg! Ow! Ow!
[Dewey rolls eyes and hits Reese's bump. He begins sobbing and screaming]
(quickly gets out of his truck, panicking) Oh, my God, what did I do?!
You ran over his leg!
Oh, no!
(runs outside) What happened? (sees Reese injured) Oh, my God, Reese!
[Reese continues sobbing loudly as Malcolm & Dewey look at each other and smile as their plan worked]
(leaving) Jellybean and I are leaving now. Once again, I'm very sorry. I can't even look you people in the eye.
[Once gone, Lois decides to call it even knowing her sons' plans got Craig out of the house.]
Sir, his shirt just came untucked when he was hugging his father. You can't yell at him for hugging his father.
[The cadet runs when Spangler turns his attention to Francis]
Francis!
On no, I'm glad you saw this because this is exactly what I was talking about. Always underminding my authority, day in, day out. It's the same thing. Like when I made Cadet Dooley do 600 laps of the perimeter for an inside-out pillow case violation, Francis organizes a sit in. Or when I cut off the electricity in the 5th floor for contraband boom-box, he hijacks a generator for them. The boy lives to cause chaos.
He was hugging his dad!
In front of his father he still defies me at every turn.
And everytime something like this happens, he challenges you.
Every time.
Even though he knows he'll get in trouble.
That doesn't seem to matter to him at all.
I understand.
(turns to Francis) I will deal with you, later.
[turns off the mini bike with the key and takes it out] It's no one's! What's wrong with you boys?! You aren't allowed to have a motorcycle.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
