Lois quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

Lois

[after realising that Malcolm and Reese lied to them] Hal, get my bra!

Lois

You know ladies, I just realize something. Society isn't the thing that's making us miserable. I mean hell, we're society.

Lois

No. No. Every single one of our problems can be traced back to that tight ass, overachieving, marathon running, master chef: LILLIAN MILLER!

Lois

[Sighs] OK, Malcolm. I've been thinking about it and I'm gonna give you a 'Free Pass'. Every time any of you boys do something important that your father should not see you doing, I give each of you 1 free pass per month.

Lois

[In Dewey's imagination] Dewey, you're not allowed to have a dog, remember? We want you to be miserable.

Lois

Look, Reese. Some people are born book-smart. Others are born crafty and street-smart. You, I'm afraid, are neither.

Lois

Do I try to keep on buying new clothes?

Lois

No more junk food. From now on, we are going to be a family that eats healthy.

Lois

[yelling]Malcolm, what are you doing?!

Lois

Well, get your foot out of the door!

Lois

Good night, Fred and Ginger.

Lois

Can he at least put some pants on?

Lois

(to Jamie) you do not pinch, you do not poke, you do not bite, you do not spit, you do not eye-gouge, you do not vomit intentionally on other babies! (carried Jamie over to Malcolm, Dewey & Reese) A Lifetime ban from Gymboree, A LIFETIME BAN! (lois slams the door).

Lois

It's been four days, Hal. I tried to be patient, but this has gone on long enough. You have to snap out of it. Look I admit you've been resourceful and you've learned to do so many things. And the sex has been interesting.

Lois

But you can't go on living like this. Don't think I don't know what this is all about. You're trying to avoid making this decision. This isn't going to work and frankly this is beneath you. It's the coward's way out, Hal. You don't think I don't like a paralyzed vacation. Everyone waiting on me hand and foot. You know what? It doesn't work that way. You can't keep making up ridiculous illnesses to get out of what you don't want to do.

Lois

Oh for God's sake. Do you have any idea how insane you're acting? I'm just glad your boys aren't here to see this.

Lois

Oh Hal, you changed Jamie's diapers with those feet.

Lois

That stupid fish!

Lois

There isn't any.