[Stitch pulls on a panel in Gantu's ship, causing it to crash land]
Now I won't be able to deliver Hämsterviel to the Councilwoman!
GCGrand Councilwoman
No need to worry about that. I came to you. Guards? [her guards go into Gantu's ship to take Hämsterviel]
I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I caught Hämsterviel! Where is my reward?
GCGrand Councilwoman
I suppose you do...
GCGrand Councilwoman
What is a... Mertle?
She's a little girl, like me. Gantu grabbed her when he took Hämsterviel!
GCGrand Councilwoman
[to Gantu] Is this true?
Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I haven't really looked. I suppose it's possible.
GCGrand Councilwoman
So, you put an innocent girl in danger. [sighs] You always did have a problem with ethics. My offer is therefore rescinded.
[the Grand Councilwoman's guards carry Hämsterviel to her ship]
HämstervielLet me go, you wretched olive-shaped woman with backwards legs!
GCGrand Councilwoman
[to Lilo] The Galactic Federation thanks you for your help.
Yeah. I only wish I knew what happened to... [hears a whirring sound] Stitch!
[Stitch holds onto to a hovering Finder and lands on the ground; Lilo runs up to Stich and they hug]
GCGrand Councilwoman
Experiment 626, if anyone deserves a reward for finding Dr. Hämsterviel, it is you.
[guilty] Hmm... Finder did it.
[Finder honks happily]
GCGrand Councilwoman
Yes, Experiment 458 managed to track Dr. Hämsterviel, but without your courage and daring, he would not have been apprehended. But it's good of you to share the credit.
[Gantu captures Babyfier]
6625
A baby-making experiment? Hey, aren't humans capable of doing that that all by themselves?
No, no, no. It turns grownups into babies.
Yes, babies! Hey, I'm feeling a little peckish. How about making me a... [Babyfier has been released from the container] Hey, how'd you get out?! [Babyfier outmaneuvers Gantu and turns him into an infant, who begins to waddle around giggling]
6625
Sorry, G, I couldn't resist. I always wondered out like a guppy or a tadpole. Turns out you were just a smaller kind of ugly. Whoah! Aerial attack! [625 narrowly dodges Babyfier and tricks it into going up the elevator where it escapes]
Hämsterviel
GANTU!!! Did my hamster eyes just see what I thought they saw?! The escape of yet another valuable experiment?! And why are you acting like a baby, you incompetent, lazy, oh-so-smelly, fish-footed--
[Baby Gantu cries; 625 runs up to comfort him]
6625
Hey, lighten up, Dr. H, will ya? Little Googoo here hasn't had his nap yet.
Hämsterviel
No, no, no! There will be no napping-apping babies! I want my experiments! So get going! GO, GO, GO!!!! [625 dashes out of the ship carrying Baby Gantu in a baby stroller] NOW, NOW, NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!
[Hämsterviel contacts Gantu while he is playing with this bath toys]
Hämsterviel
Gantu!
Doctor Hämsterviel! I was just practicing my tactical maneuvers.
Hämsterviel
I do not care about you plastic amusements! It is your failures at capturing my experiments that sickens me to the bone!
But, sir, it's not my fault. It's that abomination 626 and that young female Earth form...
Hämsterviel
SILENCE!!! You're good at nothing but the pathetic excuses. That is why I am giving you job to someone infinitely more competent!
More competent?! But, I...
Hämsterviel
You failed me, Gantu! As of this moment, you are fired!
6625
Ouch, hurts to be you. Listen, a word of advice: Before you go looking for a new job, put on some pants. [Gantu smashes his bath toys in rage]
[Hämsterviel captures Stitch and reverts him to his original evil programming; Gantu enters]
Hello, I'm here about the ad for aliens. I'm an alien.
PProfessor
You're a fired alien! That's what you are!
Fired?! What, how would you-- [Hämsterviel pops out of the Professor disguise] Dr. Hämsterviel?! You're suppose to be in prison!
Hämsterviel
Three-day furlough! Just enough time to hire a new assistant! [points to Stitch]
Hämsterviel
Yes! With 626's destructive programming in place, he will help me capture the other experiments! You will not! Goodbye! [the door quickly shuts]
[the door opens quickly and Hämsterviel snatches Gantu's flyer]
Hämsterviel
Give me that! I recycle! [slams the door again]
[Gantu and 625 are fast asleep]
CComputer
Warning. Experiment 360 activated. Primary function: sleep inducer.
[covers the computer with a pillow] Just five more minutes, mother.
Hämsterviel
WAKE UP, YOU SQUID-LIP EXCUSE FOR A MOLLUSK!! A pod has been activated!
But sir, it's the middle of the nocturnal Earth cycle.
Hämsterviel
Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of I DON'T CARE!!! I got big plans for tomorrow, so there is no time for beauty sleep!
6625
[yawns] Too bad, he really needs it.
Hämsterviel
I have been monitoring Earth's television transmissions for over a month. And I believe I've identified the most powerful, influential human on the planet! He is always on the TV, obviously using mind control to mesmerize the Earthlings! And in two days time, you are going to capture him for me! [laughs maniacally]
Hämsterviel
Just bring the new experiment!
[Experiment 355 escapes just before Gantu can transport him to Hämsterviel and swaps their minds via eye beam]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Why didn't I just fire you and--?! And... What is going on here? I'm so large and rubbery!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
Ugh! A big fluffy rat! Wait, no... THAT'S ME!!
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
You mean, I have become you?!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
And you've become me! [sneezes loudly]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Why are you making such annoying noises?!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
[begins scratching so hard that his fur sheds] Apparently, I'm allergic to your dandruff, sir. [sneezes again] But not to worry. I'm sure the experiment will swap us back to our normal bodies.
[Swapper escapes the ship via elevator]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
NO! Come back here! [tries to press the buttons] Buttons too tiny! Oh! How do you do anything with these flabby sloth-like appendages?!
[Swapper escapes into the forest]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Once again, I am forced to pay for your incompetence! Now I must go and capture that experiment myself!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
Yes, sir. Then you can swap us back?
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Yes, or maybe... NO! For me, that would be going back to prison!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
Yes, I suppose it... [sneezes] would.
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
[laughs maniacally] I'm free at last!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
But, sir, that's not fair!
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
WHO CARES ABOUT FAIR?!
[Hämsterviel is sitting at a sidewalk]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Oh, this is inconceivable! I am Doctor Jacques Von Hämsterviel! How is it that I cannot find one stupid little experiment?!
MMan
[hands Hämsterviel a few dollars] Here ya, fella. Chin up, big guy! I'm sure it'll get better.
[Hämsterviel growls with rage and contacts Gantu via cell phone]
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
Hello?
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
It is I!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
I knew you'd call.
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Oh, alright, I admit it! It isn't easy being so big and clumsy! There! Are you happy now?!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
Getting there. What do you want?
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
I want to know where we can find that stupid experiment so we can swap bodies again!
GHGantu/Hämsterviel
I know just the place you should check. [sneezes and wipes his nose]
[Mertle and the other girls leave but Victoria stays because she's having fun; Hämsterviel lifts the roof of the house]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Greetings, Earthling pack people! I have come for the experiment known as 355!
SLStitch/Lilo
Meega nala kweesta!
JPJumba/Pleakley
Ah, new roof hinge system I installed working perfectly! Keeps repair bills down.
PJPleakley/Jumba
Very thoughtful!
[after defeating Hämsterviel and returning to their original bodies, Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley stand outside]
HGHämsterviel/Gantu
Please, put me back in my own body! PUT ME BACK IN PRISON!!
If you insist. Stitch, would you do the honors? After 355 swaps him back, we'll find his one true place.
That 355 will not swap back willy-nilly. Must be properly motivated.
Ih! [cracks his knuckles]
Wait a minute! Why not try a little positive assentive? Like offering the little guy some of my delicious cuisine as a reward?
Ah, excellent idea. If 355 does not swap Hämsterviel and Gantu, he will be given nothing to eat except Aunt Pleakley's famous Chocolate Green Beanses Surprise.
[Swapper quivers in fear]
Must you twist everything?!
CComputer
Experiment 113 activated. Primary function: negative event generator.
6625
Sounds like this one makes bad luck.
Bad luck, eh? [chuckles] I smell a big bonus.
Hämsterviel
Yes, you do smell, Gantu. BUT NOT A BIG BONUS!! A bad luck experiment?! Ha! You're about as funny as you are useful, which is not at all. Don't be a waster of my time, you time-wasting waster!
But, sir, I thought you wanted all the experiments.
Hämsterviel
"But, sir, I thought..." BLAH!! I am sick of your attitude, you squinty-eyed trout face! Only contact me if you find something TRULY DESTRUCTIVE!!!!
[Gantu growls in rage]
6625
Whoa, whoa! Wait a second! Look at this!
Quiet! I do not want to here anything more about 113!
But nothing! Go make a sandwich!
6625
Well, gee, you don't have to be a jerk about it!
Yeah? What are you gonna do about it, trog?!
6625
Look, I'm trying to tell ya that--
I'm not listening! Na, na, na-na-na-na!
6625
Okay. Have it your way, trout face!
Hämsterviel
GANTU!!! Is this what I pay you for?! What do I pay you for? GET UP, GET UP, GET UUUPPPP!!!
I told you, I have a cold! [sneezes so hard that it blows 625 to the wall]
Hämsterviel
I do not pay you many hundreds of my valuable dollars to lay around like a lounging lounger!
6625
[looks at the thermometer] Wow! What a fever! Hey, Hammy, we're gonna need some tarter sauce! Fish-stick here is burning up!
Hämsterviel
UNACCEPTABLE!!! If you do not find me one experiment today, I will go to wring you hour on the hour until you do! [turns off transmission]
625, see if you can find any of your trog brethren! Oh, and can you make me a chicken soup sandwich?
WWarden
Dr. Hamsterwheel?
Hämsterviel
It's Hamsterviel! Viel! Like the delicious meat steak, you bureaucratic prisoning person!
WWarden
But here, it's spelled "Hamsterwheel".
Hämsterviel
NO, NO!!! GET IT RIGHT!!! CHANGE IT!!! CHANGE IT!!!
WWarden
Very well. Dr. Hämsterviel. The parole board has looked over your fines.
Hämsterviel
And you are releasing me from this stinking prison so I may rise up against you and take over the universe?!
WWarden
No! Actually, we're doubling your sentence, cutting your TV time in half, and removing the free popcorn cart from the breakroom.
Hämsterviel
WHAT?!
WWarden
Oh, and hears a note: "Hope you're enjoying prison. Don't expect to get out anytime soon. Ha, ha, ha. Regards, parole board."
[with the help of Clink, Stitch and Skip are captured by the police and sent to Gantu]
6625
Hey, Gantu! We got a collected call coming in from Hamsterwheel.
Hämsterviel
VIEL!!! HÄMSTERVIEL!!!!
6625
If you want, I should accept the charges?
[Gantu and 625 are watching a competition on TV]
Do you think Jenny will make it to the final two?
6625
Who cares? This show is lame! Everyone's such a sap!
What about Jack? He's just pretending to be a sap to increase his chance of winning!
6625
Oh... is that why you act like a sap? 'Cause it's not working. You're still a loser.
CComputer
Warning, Experiment 277 activated. [Gantu groans in frustration] Primary function: mine and enrich Snootonium.
Snootonium? There's no Snootonium on Earth. This experiment is useless. [Hämsterviel's contact interrupts the show] Hey, the TV!
Hämsterviel
TV, schmeevee! Get up off your enormously useless behind and go capture that experiment or I will cancel all your useless entertainment service!
[sighs] Yes, sir. I suppose I'll miss the big season finale.
6625
Want me to record for ya?
6625
Hey, what are friends for? Trust me.
Lilo & Stitch: The Series · 382 quotes
