Wait a minute. I know that engine. [sees Dale riding his lawn mower to the Whataburger drive-thru] Damn it, Dale!
BBarber
Hank, I'm only halfway done! You can't go out looking like that!
S3 E20Dog Dale Afternoon
Dale's alarm catches John Redcorn climbing on Dale's mower to go through Nancy's window. John Redcorn has been shot in the rear by the rigged B.B. rifle
I know what YOU'RE HERE FOR!
Dale! This isn't how I want you to find out!
Quit screwing with my mower.
You've got to be kidding!
I don't kid about my mower. Now, you get inside and start massaging my wife.
(to Nancy) He's taking some of the fun out of this.
Hank, you were right! The Cubans have my mower!
You wrecked my mower with your damn soda!
What time is it, 3 AM, 4 AM?
It's six.
A.M.?!
No.
Oh. Is dinner ready?
They wanted to see me wet my pants from fear... but they're too late!
You are officially the coolest.
Too late, I killed Shackleford! (the police gasp) No...wait, correction, Shackleford wants a pizza.
OK. I don't why you'd want to fool Dale like that. I mean, it's not hard. If you're someone he trusts. Hey, whatever turns you on, that's what I always say.
S3 E21Revenge of the Lutefisk
I'd like a one-way ticket to Mexico por favor. That means 'today.'
What's that smell?
[nervously] Nothing.
Wait a minute. I know that smell. [Bobby gasps.] Fire!
Look for the Man with the Terrible Smell!
Ah leave it to a woman to turn god's house into a love shack.
(out of breath) Grandpa! Dad! Mom!... It was... it was ME! (remorsefully) It's all my fault! I ate the Lutefisk! I got sick in the bathroom! I lit the matches! I burned down the church! I let everyone blame Grandpa!...
I told you I didn't do it. Your boy is the Man with the Terrible Smell!
(crestfallen sigh)
I knew it, I knew this was too good to be true.
[Peggy removes a cassette from an audio recorder and begins destroying the tape]:
(sternly) Bobby, you are gonna march down that hall and tell the police everything. See if maybe they will spare your grandfather's life.
(resigned) Okay...
[Cotton slams his cuffed hands on the table]:
Nobody's goin' no place! Siddown Hank, Hank's Wife - (turns to Bobby) You too, Stinky!
Hey, don't call him that!
(sarcastically) Oh, I'm sorry! Did I hurt your feelings, Stinky?
Grandpa?
It don't feel so good, does it? Well, get used to it, 'cuz that's what everyone's gonna call you if you go blabbing to the po-lice...Stinky!
He's right. Oh Lord, and there are other names, too!
Yeah, how 'bout "arsonist"? That's what they'll be calling him in State of Texas v. Bobby Hill!
So many names...what are we gonna do?
You'll do what I say is what are you gonna do. Now get the cops in here. Tell 'em I'm ready to confess.
No, Dad, you can't!
I'm an old man, everybody already hates me. But Bobby, he's just a child; he's got his whole life ahead of him!
(moved) ...Cotton, do you know what you're saying?
If I can take a bullet for my grandson, I'll do it. But not in the face; that's how I make my livings.
How you make your-?
(interrupting) Send 'em in!
S3 E22Death and Texas
All sloppy and no Joe.
S3 E23Wings of the Dope
(After a trampoline falls on his foot) Aah! This is a sign that we have been playing God with Buckley's trampoline and now God is playing God with us, and He's a whole lot better at it. I refuse to touch this portal to hell!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's King of the Hill pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.