Bobby Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Bobby

I'm so sorry. You're the Goose to my Maverick and I was saying that before they rebooted the franchise.

Emilio

Still haven't seen it, but now I guess I have time.

Bobby

I'll get Chane to hire you back. Please don't take another job.

Emilio

Okay, but I can't go that long without working. Last time, I got really into ceramics and day drinking.

Bobby

Sir, your son fired our best employee.

Chane

Yeah? Well I should have fired you! ... Dad, fire Bobby!

Bobby

If you're gonna fire anybody, fire Chane. All he does is bring his frat bros in for free sake bombs.

Chane

All you do is sneak out to deliver snacks to my sloppy seconds!

Bobby

Oh, we're going there?

Chane

I'm already there!

Bobby

Well I'm gonna go there too!

Chane

Come on! Let's do this!

Ted Wassanasong

Enough! Enough! I'm not a marriage counselor! Chane, you begged me to buy into this restaurant, and I thought, "Well, at least he doesn't wanna be a professional snowboarder anymore." But the best way to learn any business is from the ground up. I started in the mail room.

Chane

Whoa, dad... you were poor?

Ted

I thought it was helping you, but it's turned you into... this!

Chane

Rude.

Bobby

But true.

Ted

You can't let this business fail, that's why you're going to take Emilio's place in the kitchen.

Chane

Me?

Bobby

Him?! [to Chane] You sure you don't wanna be a professional snowboarder? It is not too late.

Bobby

Emilio! My sweet, sweet man! Thank you for coming so fast.

Chane

We need you back, man. You can start right after you let us out.

Bobby

Really?

Chane

Yeah. Working here sucks. You can have it.

Emilio

I don't know. I'd love to come back, but I'm fielding a lot of offers from Michelin Star places.

Chane

We'll give you a raise.

Emilio

How big?

Bobby

Twenty percent?

Chane

Ten percent?

Emilio

Twenty-five. I'm also gonna need a title bump to Executive Sous Chef, and on Thursday nights, my Steely Dan cover band gets to play here.

Chane

I hate Steely Dan! I don't even know what genre it is.

Bobby

That's the first thing we've agreed on all night. Is it jazz? What is it?

Bobby Hill, put a shirt on, and step away from my precious daughter!

Bobby

Okay, but let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. The dog.

Hank

The dog wasn't the one engaging in amorous congress under my roof.

Peggy

It can't, because it has an inverted penis.

What's all the fuss?

Hank

Oh good. More people.

I caught your daughter participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill!

Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter?!

Bobby

No sir. We didn't even get to doing anything, we were just... warming each other up.

Hank

Stop!

Peggy

That's enough!

Ew!

Shut up! Shut up!

Bobby

Okay, I can see that tendons are a little high right now, do how about we all just get some sleep and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, which I'm paying for?

Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. Come on, Connie, let's go back home.

No! All you've done since I've been home is complain about dad and insult Bobby. I don't wanna be around that.

... Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight?

Ha! You mean Bill's place?

We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. Things are very mellow over there. Super chill.

And Bobby can come too?

[obviously uncomfortable] Of course! Because I support your relationship.

Bill

[hugging Kahn from behind] Yaaaay! The more, the merrier! Hank and Peggy can come too, if you'd like!

Peggy

Do not threaten us, Bill.

Bobby

I'm gonna go with Connie.

Hank

That's fine. Why don't you take those sheets with you?

Bobby

I'm glad we're getting to spend some quality time together, man to man. And not just any men, the two most important men in Connie's life.

Ugh...

Bobby

And hey, maybe if we get everything done in time, we could get lunch, or play nine holes of golf. Ten if you're nasty.

Bobby

What's wrong?

I hate you, Bobby Hill!

Bobby

... Oh.

I lost my marriage, I'm losing Connie, I live with Bill, and you're dating my daughter again! My life is shit! [sobs more]

Bobby

There, there. Can I do anything to help?

Open up the door and push me into traffic?