Chane quotes from King of the Hill

Chane

Hello. I'm the owner of Robota Chane, and we'd like to talk to the owner of this fine establishment.

I am the owner.

Bobby

But we spoke to a Mr. Yoshida on the phone.

That is me.

Chane

Dude, don't be a dick. Go get the owner. He's probably a little guy? Black hair?

Get out of my shop!

Chane

Look, I get it. You hate your job. Just tell Yoshida we're here.

Bobby

Chane, I think this is Mr. Yoshida.

Emilio

But you're black.

I was adopted as a baby by Makoto and Yamamoto Junko, and raised in Japan! I'm Japanese. You think coming in here with some token Japanese guy is going to make me sell out?

Chane

I'm Laotian.

Even worse! You think Asians can't steal culture from other Asians? Don't get me started on Hapkido. That shit's just Aikido for Korean.

Bobby

Mr. Yoshida, please! We've got a restaurant to run, and I'm turning a lot of people on to traditional Binchotan-flavored robata. Now why isn't that a good thing?

Still no.

Bobby

You don't understand! I'm down to my last box! I'll have to close my restaurant if I don't get more.

Good! You should have thought of that before you weren't Japanese!

Bobby

What?!

Chane

Now I know this guy's Japanese, 'cause he's stubborn as hell! Your loss, dude! We're gonna find another wood burner. Do you know who my father is? Ted Wassanasong.

Did he play for the Tokyo Giants?

Chane

What? No. But, he can do anything. In fact, he could start a Binchotan business and drive you out of the state!

Oh yeah? Well, then I'll just sue you for racial discrimination against black small businesses.

Chane

You can't play two race cards!

Emilio

Hijole, the cojones on this guy!

Chane

Man, if there was a Laotian martial art, I'd use it to kick your ass!

There is a Laotian martial art. It's called Muay Lao.

Chane

Don't tell me about my culture! It's called "suck it!"

Bobby

Sir, your son fired our best employee.

Chane

Yeah? Well I should have fired you! ... Dad, fire Bobby!

Bobby

If you're gonna fire anybody, fire Chane. All he does is bring his frat bros in for free sake bombs.

Chane

All you do is sneak out to deliver snacks to my sloppy seconds!

Bobby

Oh, we're going there?

Chane

I'm already there!

Bobby

Well I'm gonna go there too!

Chane

Come on! Let's do this!

Ted Wassanasong

Enough! Enough! I'm not a marriage counselor! Chane, you begged me to buy into this restaurant, and I thought, "Well, at least he doesn't wanna be a professional snowboarder anymore." But the best way to learn any business is from the ground up. I started in the mail room.

Chane

Whoa, dad... you were poor?

Ted

I thought it was helping you, but it's turned you into... this!

Chane

Rude.

Bobby

But true.

Ted

You can't let this business fail, that's why you're going to take Emilio's place in the kitchen.

Chane

Me?

Bobby

Him?! [to Chane] You sure you don't wanna be a professional snowboarder? It is not too late.

Bobby

Emilio! My sweet, sweet man! Thank you for coming so fast.

Chane

We need you back, man. You can start right after you let us out.

Bobby

Really?

Chane

Yeah. Working here sucks. You can have it.

Emilio

I don't know. I'd love to come back, but I'm fielding a lot of offers from Michelin Star places.

Chane

We'll give you a raise.

Emilio

How big?

Bobby

Twenty percent?

Chane

Ten percent?

Emilio

Twenty-five. I'm also gonna need a title bump to Executive Sous Chef, and on Thursday nights, my Steely Dan cover band gets to play here.

Chane

I hate Steely Dan! I don't even know what genre it is.

Bobby

That's the first thing we've agreed on all night. Is it jazz? What is it?