Hank Rutherford Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Hank

Bwah!!!

Junichiro

(In unison with hank) Hwah!!!

Hank

Hi, my name is Ladybird. I like long walks, my arthritis medication, and two cups of kibble a day. I'll try to outsmart you and get three cups, but I know you're too clever for that, Ms. Platter. (Giggles)

Luanne

I don't know, Uncle Hank. She did write this letter, and everything.

Hank

Trip's off!

Hank

So, how long have you been in the robot game?

Junichiro

There was not a time where I was not fascinated by robot. Robots are clean, efficient, reliable...

Hank

Huh, that sounds like propane. I wonder if they ever made a robot that runs on propane.

Junichiro

No. [Hank looks disappointed] But, they could.

Hank

Yup.

Junichiro

Hai.

Junichiro

He will be proud of me. I was abrupt with an elderly woman.

Hank

[sighs] We're too late. Our dad's on his way to spit in the emperor's face.

Junichiro

Hwah!!!

Hank Hill

(bringing over hotdogs) Okay everybody, 'dogs are up! Now Bill's in a rush, so he gets first crack.

I'll be speedy! (starts to eat)

Hank Hill

Hey, we've got ketchup, mustard, relish over there... (notices Bill eating all of the hotdogs) Jesus!

Bobby Hill

Woah, look at him go.

Hank Hill

Bill, Bill! Those 'dogs are for everyone!

(finishes eating all the hotdogs, and belches) That should do it. (leaves)

Bobby Hill

Wow! If there were thirteen more 'dogs on that platter, Mr. Dautrieve would be in the Guinness Book of World Records!

Bill

Q-bag!

Dale Gribble

Painterer!

Hank

You! Inside! Now! [cues to inside the house] Dang it, Bobby! Your mother and I took our wedding photos in front of that fence!

Bobby Hill

Man, I'm just keepin' it real, dawg.

Dale Gribble

Hank Rutherford Hill, you are within one hundred feet of me, and much as I like to scoff at the law, I also like to arbitrarily enforce it. Skedaddle, boy. We got a tunnel to dig under the alley!

Hank Hill

What?

Bill

Yep. It's gonna go from Dale's house, my house to Boomhauer's house!

Dale Gribble

A little 3 way friendship tube and you ain't invited!

Bill

The only rules are no spitting and no cutting other people's fingers off. You probably wouldn't like them down there, Hank.

Boomhauer

Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout no dang ol' psychos allowed, man.

Hank Hill

Good God, you're serious?! The alley is city property. As block captain I will come down on you with the full authority of my office. And who the hell are you?

Dale Gribble

Hank, you know Octavio. He's my gal Friday. Does anything I want. Now you, scoot. 100 feet. Move it.

Hank Hill

You shut your got-dang mouth or I'll shove that Ditch Witch down your throat and dig a tunnel straight through to sunshine!

Ha ha, that's telling him.

Hank Hill

'Felt good, too.

Dale Gribble

Back off, Hank, or Octavio will mess you up.

Gribble, I don't care if he stays or goes. Where's the money you owe me, esse?

Dale Gribble

You heard him.

Take the first shot, Cochise. I love two things: building doll house furniture and kicking ass. And I don't see any no houses 'round here. You see any doll houses, Hank?

Hank Hill

No, I don't.

(furiously) No you don't, that's right! What are you looking at, sport? Don't you eyeball me! Don't you eyeball a JUNKYARD DOG! [Everyone is looking scared, even Hank] ARF, ARF, ARF! NOW YOU GOT THE DOG BARKING! YOU GOT IT, YOU GOT IT! ARF, ARF!

Didi Hill

Hank has always been angry. When we were in kindergarten, and the other children would use the finger paints, he would pinch them.

Hank Hill

(enraged) You are a bold-faced liar!

Amen!

Bobby Hill

Can I help?

Hank Hill

Yes, Bobby.

Dale Gribble

Objection, Conjecture, Object-ure!

Hank Hill

That's not a word!

Hank Hill

[realizing it's no time to keep his temper, he becomes violently angry and enraged] Get out! Get out! GET OUT! IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF THAT GOT-DANG RAT HOLE NOW, I'LL GET MY CIRCULAR SAW, COME DOWN THERE, CUT OFF ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES! NOW MOVE! MOVE!! MOVE!!!

Dale Gribble

...Now that we're up here, what is so damn important?

Hank Hill

Clea: Huntress of--I told you to get an adventure book.

Bobby Hill

But it is adventure.

Hank Hill

(reading it) "The Elf-Lord Fylfendell knelt upon the bed of dandelions. 'Young wanderer,' quoth he, 'I have woven you a magic breastplate'"-- Bobby, television.

Hank Hill

I've come to take the local bookseller to lunch! (realizes Peggy isn't here) Peggy? (hears gunshots) What the hell? (goes to the basement) Peggy? (finds Cotton Hill shooting the book) Dad!

Well, look who's here! Shopping for my birthday? Get me something that shoots like that! (finishes shooting the book and drops it on the floor)

Dale Gribble

Excellent grouping, Colonel. Plus, those hollow points penetrated Shakespeare all the way into the so-called "Joyous Comedies". As you like it? Well, I like it plenty.

Hank Hill

Dang it, Dale! Where is my wife?

Dale Gribble

Probably one of her smoking breaks. I try not too keep her too tight of a leash.

Hank Hill

Hey Boomhauer, you any closer to getting married?

Boomhauer

Dang ol'...huh?

Dale Gribble

You still think it's rats. Well, don't beat yourself up, Hank, I did too until the evidence pointed to baboon.

Hank Hill

Baboon? Dale, don't tell Glidewell there's a baboon. It's not a baboon.

Dale Gribble

I know that. I won't bore you with the details, but bottom line: it's Chuck Mangione!