Shendu quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Valmont

[after fitting the last half of the twelfth Talisman into Shendu] Game over, Chan. Way over.

[no longer a statue, but a walking demon] I LIVE!

Jackie

Who...what are you?

I am the keeper of the Talismans. I am the Apocalypse of which Legend speaks! And I am, for once and for all, your executioner!

Once I make Jackie Chan pay, I shall tear that buffoon Valmont to pieces-!

SILENCE! The only future you have is here with us, brother!

Xiao Fung

Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin!

"Torment"? "Eternal"?!

Tso Lan

To punish your betrayal, Shendu. You chose to spend your time ruling China.

Bai Tza

While we withered in this bone-dry pit!

Hsi Wu

Bored out of our wits all those centuries, each exactly like the one before it!

You never even attempted to free us!

[nervously] I... your rescue was in the planning stages, but I became imprisoned in a statue-

Excuses! You desired the earthly realm for you alone! [strikes Shendu with lightning]

Hsi Wu

A shame you never learned to share, brother.

No, wait! I can free you!

Bai Tza

Do not toy with us! The doorways can only be opened from the other side.

The human side.

Precisely. As the humble spirit you now see before you, I am free to cross over and possess any human I wish, enabling me to undo the sacred spells that keep you here... if you so deem it.

So, I trust you would agree that my, err... martyrdom has left a void for a new, stronger evil to fill - namely you, my brothers and sisters. Shall I proceed, then?

Gah! What trick is this?!

Hsi Wu

You have proven crafty, brother. So we require a safety measure.

Bai Tza

Our spell will keep you bound within a human of your choosing, until you release us.

Xiao Fung

A precaution, so that we know exactly where to find you!

Tso Lan

In the event we deem it necessary to resume your eternal torment.

I accept your terms. I will choose my vessel well to best serve you. And the human most capable for this task is my nemesis: Jackie Chan!

We must have left millions on that beach! What is the deal, Big-V?

[revealing himself in possession of Valmont's body] Valmont cannot hear you!

Uh-oh.

Shendu?

He's back...

Your Talismans, Mr. Shendu.

We was takin' care of 'em for ya. [chuckles nervously, as the Enforcers try to leave, with Shendu blocking their path]

Keep your Talismans, they no longer matter to me.

Wow...

Valmont

[confused] How did I- Where is the money?!

Uhh, Big-V? Shendu's back.

Valmont

What?! WHERE?!

Inside you!

Valmont

....Wha- That's preposterous- [walks past a mirror to see Shendu's reflection] AH! Get out!

Trust me, Valmont, the feeling is mutual. But for now, you and your thugs will assist me, or perish! [breathes fire from Valmont's mouth at the enforcers]

Got it!

We're swinging to your beat!

Jackie

But I don't understand! Valmont can't summon the Shadowkhan. Only Shendu.

[in possession of Valmont's body] Reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated, Chan.

Whoa!

Destroy them...

The portal of Xiao Fung the Wind Demon lies on the southern land mass, four million and one cubits above the southern hemisphere, beyond the blasted forest, nestled between the rolling hills.

Uh, the only thing I see nestling...

...is Hollowlands Penitentiary!

Valmont

You mean to tell us that the demon portal lies within those prison walls, Shendu?

Do not take that tone with me, Valmont! I did not build the fortress!

I've heard of busting out of jail, but breaking in?

[guiding Chow and Hak Foo who are carrying a large box] Ah ah, gently. Watch your step! Place it over to the left.

Valmont

[regaining control] ...and into the incinerator! We could use some firewood.

Silence! With some sprucing, this fish heap will be worthy of housing a demon sorceror!

Valmont

Ex-demon sorceror.

I may be vanquished, but I am still in charge, Valmont. As you can well see.

Valmont

This is my hideout, and my body, Shendu!

Which reminds me, I have a change of wardrobe in mind for us!

Valmont

Huh?! You wouldn't dare!

As the thunder claps, so do I applaud your skill, brother!

Shendu! You may call me, "Master"!

...Of course...master!

Ohh...Tssss....

Valmont

I will put up with a lot, Shendu. But I draw the line at wearing a dress!

This is a sorcerer's robe!

[laughing] Shen-dudet! [bows]

Pretty dress.

Very becoming!

[annoyed] Where is my archive?

Uh, Chan's got it.

But it wasn't our fault!

Yeah, that's right! The Shadowkhan were there too!

The Shadowkhan are my puppets. They do only what I command! Are you suggesting that this is MY fault?!

Hak Foo

[in bandages] I am telling you, it was the Shadowkhan who did this to me!

[the rest of the Dark Hand are also in bandages] Chan kicked our butts too!

Yeah, you don't hear us lying about it.

Need I remind you, the Shadowkhan do only what I command? Come, minions!

...minions?

Valmont

It would seem you have lost your touch, Shendu.

I HAVE NOT LOST MY TOUCH!

Hak Foo

[as the Pan'ku Box reveals the next portal, out in Space] To find this portal, we must travel north. Very north.

Brrr...chilly.

Hak Foo

Very, very north.

Okay, check the warranty on the box! We're like halfway to the moon!

Where did you think Tso Lan, the Moon Demon, would be found?

Uhh, don't we need like, astronaut training?

Climb aboard!

Chan?!

Everybody's an astronaut.

Tso Lan, so good to see you.

Tso Lan

Skip the pleasantries, Shendu. I am interested only in seizing control of the Moon's gravity, so that I may pull the ball from its orbit.

Jade

But- But that'll wreck all of Earth's ecosystems!

How do you know?

Jade

I watch the Science Network! [Ratso blows a raspberry at Jade]

Tso Lan

The child is correct. And only then will Earth's landscape be to my liking.

Whoa! He wants to kabosh the planet!

And you made us let him out?!

Just be glad you are up here.