Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

To be a real artist, you need to be spontaneous and passionate. They don't teach you that in art school. Maybe you could teach me.

Spencer

Well, I have been told I'm an excellent teacher.

Carly

BY WHO!?!

Spencer

I'm sorry I painted your mouth red.

I'm sorry I painted your mouth blue.

Spencer

Wanna make purple?

Please.

Carly

Okay... I don't understand art at all.

Sam

I call this video "Gullible Freddie." Check this out.

Freddie

Hey! Why aren't you guys dressed as clowns?! [Carly and Sam burst out laughing]

Sam

What do you mean?

Freddie

I got an email from the school telling me that today was Clown Day. Didn't you guys get-- you guys sent me the email.

Carly

[points to Sam] She made me!

Freddie

Wait, is this on camera? GIBBY, COME HERE! [screen goes to static]

Freddie

Hey, is that a new necklace?

Carly

Yeah, you like it?

Freddie

Can you return it?

Carly

No.

Freddie

It's...neat.

Freddie

Sam would rather chew broken glass then go out on a date with me for a whole Saturday night, no way she's going through with this!

Carly

You asked Melanie.

Freddie

OOOKAAAYYY. You can pretend I'm going on a date with Melanie, but I know... I've got a date with Sam. [chokes on smoothie and coughs it out]

Carly

What?!

Freddie

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH SAM!

T-Bo

You wanna buy a pickle?

Freddie

NO!

Carly

You're going out with Melanie, not Sam!

Chuck

Hey, when I get older, maybe I could go on a date with you.

Carly

Hey, Chuck, sorry to keep you waiting.

Chuck

Oh, it's okay. I drew you a flower.

Carly

Aw. You are so sweet. Anyway... since you've got your big test on Monday, we should go over the new international math laws that were just passed by the U.N.

Chuck

International math laws?

Carly

Uh-huh. They made some changes, so we gotta make sure you understand all the new rules. Now, the biggest news is, they've created a new number.

Chuck

A new number?

Carly

Yep, between 5 and 6. It's called derf.

Chuck

Derf?

Carly

Right. And it looks like this.

Carly

That's a derf. See?

Chuck

Oh...

Carly

So, now, it goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, derf, 6, 7, got it?

Chuck

I think so.

Carly

Good. And so then it goes: 13, 14, 15... and what's next?

Chuck

Derfteen?

Carly

Wow. You catch on fast.

Chuck

Thanks.

Carly

So, if we take 12, and multiply that by 81, and then divide it by 2, we get...?

Chuck

Four hundred and derfty-seven?

Carly

Awesome.

Carly, I just wanna let you know that we're not gonna continue with the tutoring. Chuck failed his math test.

Carly

[faking sadness] Oh, no...

It's not your fault. He made up some fake number called derf.

Carly

[faking confusion] Derf?

Chuck

I learned it from you!

Okay, that does it, Chuck. If you're gonna blame Carly for your failure, I'm gonna ground you for three weeks.

Chuck

DAD!

Spencer

Mr. Chambers, you know, I also had trouble with math when I was a boy. So my dad sent me to math camp for the whole summer.

Chuck

Math camp?

Carly

Math camp?

Spencer

Yes. Here's a brochure. [hands him a brochure]

Ooh! Camp Addemup! This looks perfect.

Spencer

Enjoy your summer, Chuck!

Carly

Yeah... Chuck.

Let's go, son.

Spencer

That was fun. I'm gonna go take a victory bath.

Carly

Shave your toes.

Spencer

No!

Sam

How could you make out with Freddie?

He's adorable!

Carly

I can't believe you two are sisters.

Me neither.

Freddie

[watching Shelby on TV] Okay, how do I get that girl to be my future wife?!

Carly

I thought you wanted me to be your future wife.

Freddie

Could that happen?

Carly

Could not happen.

Freddie

[reading the comments] "That Carly chick is out of her mind." "BRING ON THE FIGHT!!" "Shelby would destroy that twig."

Sam

Twig?

Carly

I'm not a twig! ...And I'm getting' curvier every day!

Freddie

[Staring at her body] I know.

Carly

Eyes up, dude.

Carly, you're seriously gonna fight Shelby Marx?

Carly

Well, yeah, but it's just for fun...

Do you know how hard she can punch and kick? She knocked that Russian girl's front teeth out with one kick to her jaw. Poor Russian girl.

Sam

Yeah! And now she talks like blah, blah, blah, blah!

Sam

That was awesome! Shelby looks like she really wants to hurt you.

Carly

SHE DOES!

Sam

Oh... well, that's bad.

Freddie

You're making too big a deal out of this.

Carly

No, I'm dead. Shelby Marx is gonna destroy me.

Sam

Carly--

Carly

Everyone said, "Oh, you should fight Shelby Marx. It'll be fun" WELL IT'S NOT FUN NOW, IS IT?!?! No, now she is so angry she wants to kill me and wants to kick me and punch me in my head until I talk like BLUH BLUH BLUH BLUH BLUH!

Sam

Well, you shouldn't have been attacked her grandmother!

Carly

I didn’t attack anyone! You started a ruckus with your dumb trash talking idea!

Sam

(laughs) Ruckus...

Carly

It's a word

Carly

(when she answers the door and sees Gibby) What, Gibby?!

Gibby

Why'd you push her grandmother?!

Carly

I DIDN'T!

Gibby

But I saw the press conference and it looked to me like-- [she starts to close the door on him] No, no, no, no, don't slam it-- [she slams the door]