Freddie Benson quotes from iCarly

Okay!

Nice job!

[Both applaud as Jeb leaves]

What'd you think?

[French accent] I DON'T KNOW!

[French accent] YOU DON'T KNOW?!?

[French accent] I TELL YOU, I DO NOT KNOW!!

[French accent] BUT YOU MUST KNOW!!!

[French accent] HOW CAN I KNOW WHEN I DO NOT KNOW!!!???

[French accent] I DON'T KNOW!!!!

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Freddie

AAAHHHH!! QUIT IT, SAM! LET GO OF MY FOOT! TOO MUCH FRICTION! LET GO! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

WHY'D YOU FILM US AT THE AUDITIONS TODAY?

Freddie

Oh, 'cause you guys were being funny.

Well, you shouldn't have put us online without our permission!!!

Freddie

I didn't! I edited you guys out before I uploaded the auditions.

No, you did the opposite of that.

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Freddie

It says, "At your request, this video will be removed..."

Oh, good.

Finally!

Freddie

"...tomorrow morning."

Aw, man!

Freddie?!

You know how many more thousands of people could view it by then?!

Freddie

Alright! Look, before you get all freaked out, SplashFace has message boards.

So?

Freddie

So, let's see what people are saying about the video. Um... okay, here's one: "Carly, you and your friend Sam crack me up... FUNNY STUFF!"

Ok so one person liked the video.

Freddie

Wait...! SlackerBoy314 writes: "Carly and Sam, you chicks are HILARIOUS! When's your next show???" And this kid says: "You guys are way better than most of the PUKE here on SplashFace."

Wow... they love us.

Yeah. More than puke.

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[First lines of the very first iCarly show]

Hey there, people of Earth! I'm Carly Shay, and this is our very first webcast of a little show we call iCarly!

She's Carly!

She's Sam!

Sam I am!

Carly, Sam.

I think they're clear.

Demonstrate the thing.

Oh, yeah. [presents her signature remote] With this item provided by our dorky friend Freddie...

Freddie

THAT'S DISRESPECTFUL!

We can do this... [plays applause noises] And this... [plays groaning noises] And this. [plays rock music as she and Carly dance around]

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I came up with an insanely awesome way to get more people watching your guys' webcast!

Freddie

Tell me.

We get a bunch of fireworks, right? And not the lightweight consumer-grade stuff. I'm talking Fourth of July razzle-dazzle.

Freddie

Razzle-dazzle?

Yes, both! Then, at night, we launch the fireworks off the roof of our building, and they explode spelling out "iCarly.com" in the sky!

Freddie

Can we really do that?

No.

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Freddie

What's that?

Soggy banner. Our plans to get more viewers didn't go too well.

Yeah, like how the Titanic staying afloat didn't go too well.

Come on, maybe a few people read our sign... Before the rain ruined all our hard work and made us sad.

Yeah. We could still win.

Freddie

Yeah, I don't think so. I think me and Spencer are gonna win, and you two are gonna have to touch Lewbert's wart. I feel bad for you, Carly. Not for you.

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Well done, Spencer. You, too, Freddie.

Freddie

Thank you, Carly. In your face, Sam.

[Sam stares at Freddie]

Carly, Sam, Freddie. You cannot believe how awesome this sign looks from out here. It is so dazzlingly bright, I swear it's like-- [car crashes]

What's going on out there, Spencer?

Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. [car crashes] Actually, two of the drivers-- [another car crashes] Three of the dr-- [many cars crash] Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.

Freddie

Quick. Turn it off!

CSCarly and Sam

Turn it off!

Oh, okay. I will now turn off the sign. [pushes button, but the sign starts flickering instead of turning off]

Freddie

That's not off!

Spencer.

Dude!

Oh, man, I am pressing the buttons! Literally, all of them, trying to turn off the sign.

Freddie

You're gonna overload the circuits!

[sign malfunctions and goes from saying "PLEASE GO ONLINE TO iCARLY.COM" to saying "P█E██E ██ ON████ ██ █CARL█████"]

"Pee on Carl"?

[Freddie is disgusted]

Turn that off!

I am trying! It's the stupid cars! [hear car tires screeching] Don't look at the sign! Stop beholding the si-- [hears a crunch] I stepped on my taco!

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When it comes to the part when Jake was supposed to sing, we'll just improvise and talk about something funny.

Like Freddie's haircut.

Freddie

[singsong voice] I heard that!

[singsong voice] You were supposed to!