Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Sam

This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!

Sam

[to Carly] Wouldn't it be easier to just write "I'm desperate" on your forehead?

Sam

My mom told me I couldn't go out unless my room was clean, so I locked the door, snuck out the window, and took a bus here... Got any meat?

Sam

STOP WATCHING THE VIDEO GAME CHANNEL, YA BIG BUNCH OF LOSERS! YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIVES! GET A JOB, KISS A GIRL, DO SOMETHING! (to the news reporter) No offense.

Sam

I don't play to get even. [jerks Freddie towards her] Mama plays to win.

Sam

[Spencer's rope hits her head, and she falls and nearly slides off the platform] Situation, situation, situation, situation!

Sam

YEAH, BABY!!! MAMA WINS!!! I AM THE ULTIMATE ASSASSIN!!!

Sam

(sing-songy) I see a girlfriend for Freddie!

Sam

So face it Rex, you couldn't even rap, if I stapled his lips and took his hand out your back!

Sam

[In a deep voice] Don't be afraid... I just wanna eat you!

Sam

Mama don't like saying chiz twice.

Carly

Okay, Jeb. You ready to audition?

Yeah. I will be performing a scene from a French play called La Ou Est Ma Femme.

Sam

Okay...

Carly

We don't know what that means, but knock us out. Rolling?

Freddie

Uh... rolling.

[clears throat; French accent] BUT, BUT, WHERE DID SHE GO?! I DON'T KNOW! BUT WHEN WILL SHE BE BACK?!? I DON'T KNOW!! WELL, WHERE CAN I FIND HER!?! I TELL YA, I DO NOT KNOW!!!

Carly

Okay!

Sam

Nice job!

Sam

What'd you think?

Carly

[French accent] I DON'T KNOW!

Sam

[French accent] YOU DON'T KNOW?!?

Carly

[French accent] I TELL YOU, I DO NOT KNOW!!

Sam

[French accent] BUT YOU MUST KNOW!!!

Carly

[French accent] HOW CAN I KNOW WHEN I DO NOT KNOW!!!???

Sam

[French accent] I DON'T KNOW!!!!

Sam

See the view count? Only 27 people have clicked on it.

Carly

Oh. Okay, good. [looks closely at the view count and notices it reads "27K", which means 27,000, instead of 27; in tranquil fury] Sam?

Sam

Yeah?

Carly

[shrieking] THAT'S 27,000!!!

Freddie

AAAHHHH!! QUIT IT, SAM! LET GO OF MY FOOT! TOO MUCH FRICTION! LET GO! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

Carly

WHY'D YOU FILM US AT THE AUDITIONS TODAY?

Freddie

Oh, 'cause you guys were being funny.

Sam

Well, you shouldn't have put us online without our permission!!!

Freddie

I didn't! I edited you guys out before I uploaded the auditions.

Carly

No, you did the opposite of that.

Freddie

It says, "At your request, this video will be removed..."

Carly

Oh, good.

Sam

Finally!

Freddie

"...tomorrow morning."

Carly

Aw, man!

Sam

Freddie?!

Carly

You know how many more thousands of people could view it by then?!

Freddie

Alright! Look, before you get all freaked out, SplashFace has message boards.

Carly

So?

Freddie

So, let's see what people are saying about the video. Um... okay, here's one: "Carly, you and your friend Sam crack me up... FUNNY STUFF!"

Carly

Ok so one person liked the video.

Freddie

Wait...! SlackerBoy314 writes: "Carly and Sam, you chicks are HILARIOUS! When's your next show???" And this kid says: "You guys are way better than most of the PUKE here on SplashFace."

Sam

Wow... they love us.

Carly

Yeah. More than puke.