Chuck quotes from iCarly

Spencer

Quit that!

Chuck

What if I don't?!

Hey, hey! What's going on?

Spencer

Is he your son?

Yeah.

Spencer

Well, he's been playing a racquetball in here even though I keep telling him to knock it off.

That's it. You're grounded.

Spencer

Yeah! [Chuck angrily climbs up on the counter and attacks him until Mr. Chambers pulls him away] Get him off me!

Chuck

[threateningly] I'LL GET YOU!

Spencer

Have fun (being) locked in your room!

Hello? Chuck? Are you down there? [he enters the basement] There you are.

Chuck

Hi, daddy.

Spencer

AAH! Ah, thank god you're here! Your son, he trapped me and kept me locked in here for the past two days!

Chuck

Did not!

Spencer

You did too! [to Mr. Chambers] And he squirted me with fluids!

Is that true?

Chuck

No.

[sternly] Chuck.

Chuck

Yeah...

Spencer

[straightforward] YEAH!

Okay, that's it. You're grounded.

Chuck

DAD!

No arguments! You come with me right now.

Spencer

(laughs triumphantly) Who's grounded now, Chucky? Whoops, you are!

Carly

You're going out with Melanie, not Sam!

Chuck

Hey, when I get older, maybe I could go on a date with you.

Carly

Hey, Chuck, sorry to keep you waiting.

Chuck

Oh, it's okay. I drew you a flower.

Carly

Aw. You are so sweet. Anyway... since you've got your big test on Monday, we should go over the new international math laws that were just passed by the U.N.

Chuck

International math laws?

Carly

Uh-huh. They made some changes, so we gotta make sure you understand all the new rules. Now, the biggest news is, they've created a new number.

Chuck

A new number?

Carly

Yep, between 5 and 6. It's called derf.

Chuck

Derf?

Carly

Right. And it looks like this.

Carly

That's a derf. See?

Chuck

Oh...

Carly

So, now, it goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, derf, 6, 7, got it?

Chuck

I think so.

Carly

Good. And so then it goes: 13, 14, 15... and what's next?

Chuck

Derfteen?

Carly

Wow. You catch on fast.

Chuck

Thanks.

Carly

So, if we take 12, and multiply that by 81, and then divide it by 2, we get...?

Chuck

Four hundred and derfty-seven?

Carly

Awesome.

Carly, I just wanna let you know that we're not gonna continue with the tutoring. Chuck failed his math test.

Carly

[faking sadness] Oh, no...

It's not your fault. He made up some fake number called derf.

Carly

[faking confusion] Derf?

Chuck

I learned it from you!

Okay, that does it, Chuck. If you're gonna blame Carly for your failure, I'm gonna ground you for three weeks.

Chuck

DAD!

Spencer

Mr. Chambers, you know, I also had trouble with math when I was a boy. So my dad sent me to math camp for the whole summer.

Chuck

Math camp?

Carly

Math camp?

Spencer

Yes. Here's a brochure. [hands him a brochure]

Ooh! Camp Addemup! This looks perfect.

Spencer

Enjoy your summer, Chuck!

Carly

Yeah... Chuck.

Let's go, son.

Spencer

That was fun. I'm gonna go take a victory bath.

Carly

Shave your toes.

Spencer

No!