Mrs. Benson quotes from iCarly

[to Carly, coldly] I'll take these flowers, and I'll soak them in bleach.

[whispers to Carly, sinister] It should have been you!

What the yuck?!

Posy di, posy doo, I don't want posies in my house!

Freddie

And what did he mean, "You'd rue the day"?

Sam

Yeah, what does rue mean?

Carly

No one knows!

Spencer

I got it, right here. "Roux: A mixture of fats and flour used to make sauces and soups."

Sam

[perplexed] Nevel called you a fat flour?

Carly

Try spelling it differently.

Spencer

Okay, here. "Rue: To regret. To wish that something had never been done."

Sam

Uh-oh.

Freddie

You know what this means.

Carly

Of course. He's gonna make me regret shoving tapenade in his face by trashing iCarly on his stupid website.

Freddie

[shrugs in despair] We're dead.

Carly

[touches her cheek] I'm gonna go scrub his creepy lip residue off my cheek.

Spencer

Hey, why isn't it cold in here? Toasty the Baker. GOOD GOD! [runs to his sculpture along with Sam and Freddie and screams] TOASTY!

Sam

[about Spencer's melted butter sculpture] Gross, it's like a giant baby threw up.

Spencer

WHY?!?!?!?!

Sam

I told you not to turn the heat up!

Freddie

What?! I never even--

Sam

It's too late for apologies.

Freddie

But I didn't turn the--

Spencer

It's OK. It's OK. I just need a mop and a bucket and 20 more pounds of butter!

Spencer.

Spencer

Mrs. Benson. Freddie, your mom's here.

I came over because I heard screaming. Freddie, are you all right?

Freddie

Yes, mom.

Spencer

He's fine. But I really got to

Do you know he's allergic to fruit?

Sam

[sarcastically, to Freddie] Aw, who's got a fruit problem?

Freddie

Not me. I am not allergic to fruit!

Well, what if you were? He'd probably give you an orange and then your face would puff up.

Sam

I would love that.

Spencer

Look, I gave him no fruit. Now, please, I'm out of butter--

False! I saw you come home yesterday carrying grocery bags filled with butter.

Spencer

You spied on me?

No, I just happened to be glancing through my peephole.

Spencer

That butter's gone and so am I.

What have you done with all that butter? Freddie, I want you to take a bubble bath tonight. Spencer!

Spencer

I didn't give him any fruit!

Sam

Cool mom.

Hello, Spencer.

Spencer

Hi, Mrs. Benson.

Any word on how Lewbert's doing?

Spencer

He's ok. I've got the kids keeping an eye on him.

Well, I think it's very nice that you're covering for Lewbert until he's feeling better. [Mrs. Benson puts her hand on the desk] Why is this counter wet and sticky?

Spencer

Oh, well--

Wet and sticky is very icky. Sticky and wet makes mommy upset.

Spencer

I don't know how to respond to that.

--come back.

What is that?

Spencer

Oh, it's an old C.B. Radio. I found it back there with Lewbert's stuff. I just plugged it in and it works great.

A C.B. Radio. Like the kind that truck drivers use to talk to each other?

Spencer

Yeah, you wanna try?

No!

Spencer

Oh, come on. It's really fun. All you do is just press this-- [Mrs. Benson interrupts him]

I don't like wireless transceivers. [She walks upstairs]

Spencer

Hello, all you truckers out there. This is the doorman looking for someone to jaw with. [Rock N' Rodney replies back]

Hey, hey there, doorman! You got Rock N' Rodney on this end, come on back.

Spencer

Well, hey, they’re Rock N' Rodney. I'm new to the CB Radio world and I was just-- [suddenly the fire he put out comes back and he puts down the speaker] HOW?!

Nevel

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! La-de-da-li-de-dah!

Hello, Nevel.

Nevel

Good evening, Mrs. Benson.

Spencer

Carly, I think you better calm down.

Carly

I don't want to calm down!

She's crazy.

Carly

I heard that, Rona!

Can I get you some ibuprofen?

Carly

NO! (to Spencer) I just want you back! I want you the way you're supposed to be! I want you to make crazy sculptures, and to accidentally set stuff on fire, and to wear socks that light up. (to Mrs. Benson) And I want you to be single and lonely again! (to Nevel) And I want you to leave the country... (to Rona) And...nobody even likes you! (to Spencer) And... I want Sam back! (to Freddie) And I want you to be my friend and say "in five, four, three, two," but not the one, which I never understood, but I liked it! And... I just want my life back! (runs upstairs crying)

Nevel

Well. Bah, humbug.

Freddie

Mom, I'm not allergic to flowers!

And you weren't allergic to Mexican food trucks, but look at you now!

Carly

What happened to the flowers?

I soaked them in bleach and pounded them with a mallet.

Freddie

Mom, what are you spraying me with?

An anti-bacterial body spray for boys.

Freddie

Where do you find this stuff?

At sprayyourchildren.com.

When the temperature gets too high, the elderly will start to die!

Spencer

Wow, that's a creepy rhyme.

[comes into the Shay's apartment holding a silver bar] Freddie!

Gibby

Wow, Freddie! Your mom's here!

[puts the silver bar on the counter]

Freddie

[looks at her; confused] What's that?

100 ounces of pure palladium.

Gibby

Wow! So a bar like that must be quite valuable!

Oh, it is, it has a street value of nearly $100,000.

Spencer

[raises his eyebrows; eyes wide]

Freddie

[holding the bar; surprised] Whoa, whose is this?

Yours...

Freddie

Why would you give me something worth this much money?

So you'll do something for me in return!

Gibby

That seems fair!

Freddie

What do you want me to do?

[loudly] Stop dating Sam!

Freddie

[gets off the chair he was sitting on; looks confused and shocked] How'd you know?

Gibby

Yes, how did you know?

It doesn't matter! [to Freddie] If you want that bar of palladium, you tell that no good Puckett to find some other boy to ruin!

Freddie

You can't bribe me to break up with Sam!

But, Freddie!

Freddie

[furious] No chance!

[screams and rips a piece of her shirt; takes the palladium back from Freddie and runs back into her apartment].

Freddie

[mouthing] Wow... [sits back down]

Gibby

Your son, Freddie...

[gasps]

Gibby

...is dating Sam. Look at this. [holds up PearPad and shows Mrs. Benson a picture of Freddie with his arm around Sam's shoulder; smiling at each other]

[screams shrilly and loudly]

Gibby

[to Carly] Tell us what you know.

[to Carly] Give into your anger.