Nevel quotes from iCarly

Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!

Nevel

[embarrassed] All right, mother! [to Carly] Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, by me! [he shuts off his telecast]

Carly

I hate him.

Nevel

[turns his telecast back on] I heard that. [turns it off again]

Freddie

Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.

Sam

Oh, man, this bites.

Freddie

Well, we can't do iCarly as long as Nevel controls our site.

Nevel

[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly] So true.

Carly

[angrily] Get off my monitor! [angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]

Freddie

Who are you calling?

Carly

You'll see.

Sam

You ordering pizza?

Carly

[annoyed] No! [Sam sits on the couch]

Nevel

And now, on iCarly, I will sing a song all about my web cast. [singing in a tone similar to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] ♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪

Sam

How can this not be infuriating you?!

Carly

Just keep watching.

Nevel

♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪ [noticing that military soldiers are in his house] What are you people doing here? I demand a--

QUIET!

Nevel

Yes, sir.

Freddie

Who's that?

Carly

A friend of my dad's.

Sam

[deeply surprised] You called in the military?

Carly

[smugly] I don't play around.

Nevel

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! La-de-da-li-de-dah!

Hello, Nevel.

Nevel

Good evening, Mrs. Benson.

Spencer

Carly, I think you better calm down.

Carly

I don't want to calm down!

She's crazy.

Carly

I heard that, Rona!

Can I get you some ibuprofen?

Carly

NO! (to Spencer) I just want you back! I want you the way you're supposed to be! I want you to make crazy sculptures, and to accidentally set stuff on fire, and to wear socks that light up. (to Mrs. Benson) And I want you to be single and lonely again! (to Nevel) And I want you to leave the country... (to Rona) And...nobody even likes you! (to Spencer) And... I want Sam back! (to Freddie) And I want you to be my friend and say "in five, four, three, two," but not the one, which I never understood, but I liked it! And... I just want my life back! (runs upstairs crying)

Nevel

Well. Bah, humbug.

Carly

Are you ready, Nevel?

Nevel

[sarcastically] Yes, my heart is pounding.

Sam

Good, maybe it'll explode.

Nevel

I didn't come here to be insulted.

Carly

(Interrupting Freddie) Wait a minute... why do you have that printed out?

Nevel

Because I like to print things.

Freddie

No... you'd only print that out if you knew you were gonna need it.

Sam

Yeah. How did you know there was gonna be a problem getting you the car?

Nevel

Oh, please. I don't have time to be interviewed.

Nevel

I suspected as much. I figured you iCarlys would try and pull a fast one!

Sam

Who still says "pull a fast one"?

Carly

What's wrong with you, Nevel?! Why is your lifelong dream to get rid of iCarly?!

Nevel

It's not. My lifelong dream is to open my own haberdashery.

Freddie

What is a haberdashery?

Nevel

Oh, why does EVERYONE ask that?! [starts to walk off, but goes back to them and talks fast] ...A haberdashery is a men's retail shop that sells men's accessories such as wallets, hats, buttons, belts, ribbons, and zippers!

Nevel

What, and you think that rolling space turd will get iCarly off the hook?

Carly

Yeah.

Sam

We think it will. (to Carly) Carly, would you say this vehicle is... unique?

Carly

Oh, it is clearly unique. (to Freddie) Freddie, has it ever been state registered?

Freddie

Why, no, Carly, it hasn't.

Spencer

Now you listen to me, Nevel. You better give my little sister her website back, or I SWEAR I WILL--

Nevel

YOU'LL WHAT?!

Spencer

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT I'LL DO!!!

Nevel

Nay, nay! You will have a pleasant attitude when you kiss me, or the deal's off.

Carly

Okay... but you sign this first.

Nevel

No, you kiss me first.

Carly

If I kiss you, how do I know you'll sign it afterwards?

Nevel

You don't trust me... Smart girl. Hand over the document. (she gives him the document and he signs it)

Carly

What do you want?

Nevel

The same thing I wanted on the day we first met—a kiss. A kiss is what I seek—upon your lips, no, not your cheek!

Carly

Okay, first of all, no one likes a rhymer.

Spencer

[pretending to be an old woman] I never knew you were such a handsome young boy!

Nevel

Oh, I blush!

Carly

(calling out from the window) THANKS, NEVEL!

Nevel

(on the ground, facing them) YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, CARLY SHAY! I DECLARE THAT YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY! YOU'LL RUE IT!

Carly

Give me the guacamole. (Freddie and Spencer give her a large pail of guacamole) RUE THIS, NEVEL!

Nevel

Wait, what is she... oh, no. (the guacamole falls from the window and right on him)