I wonder how far it is to the Russian Front.
I don't know, but it's getting closer every day.
S3 E12A Russian Is Coming
S3 E13An Evening of Generals
This is a most important and secret meeting.
I understand, General Burkhalter.
I doubt it.
[Jacques Mornay, a Free French operative, has been sent to Stalag 13 to assist Hogan and his men.]
JMJacques Mornay
This is the most efficient organization I have ever seen.
Thank you very much, sir.
JMJacques Mornay
If all the armies were like this, the war would soon be over.
It'd be great for the world, but we'd be out of a swell job.
S3 E14Everybody Loves a Snowman
MCaptain Morgan
Now I know why the Underground didn't tell us where we were going.
The less you know, the less you can talk if you're captured.
CMCpt. Morgan
I knew the Germans were out to take prisoners, but I never knew you fellas were in business for yourselves.
Let's just say we've eliminated the middleman.
Are you here on business, or is this a social call?
I don't pay anybody a "social call"!
What can I do for you, Major Hochstetter?
Are you aware that last Monday night an American plane dropped a bomb on Gestapo headquarters? Demolished the building, wiped out the garrison, killed Kommandant Heydrich, knocked the Fuehrer's picture off the wall, and... everything!
No, I was playing cards with Captain Bruennschmier.
It is a great personal loss to me.
It was a great personal loss to me; he took me for fifty Marks!
But the antiaircraft shot down the bomber...
That's good.
But, the crew parachuted to safety...
Ooh, that's bad!
But, we know where they are hiding.
That's good! Where?
Here.
Here? Impossible!
Impossible? We shall see. I am ordering my men to search every inch of this camp.
Sir! I am Kommandant of Stalag 13!
That is exactly why I am ordering the search.
S3 E15The Hostage
You know, you can say what you like about the Nazis, but anyone who built a rocket fuel depot in our reach can't be all bad.
S3 E16Carter Turns Traitor
All right- let's examine it. Now, we have received word from London that they think the Germans are up to something in chemical warfare. Right?
Right.
London wants the location of the factory turning it out. Who here knows anything at all about chemical warfare? Who else could convince the Germans that he was in chemical warfare before he was captured? Who else could get on the inside and find out the location of that factory? Who?
You really think I can do that, Colonel?
No. It's just that we don't have anyone else.
GWGeneral Wittkamper
What's this? You're not Gestapo!
Lucky for you, General, we're gonna get you out of the country. Both of you.
GWGeneral Wittkamper
But I don't want to get out of the country!
When your factory is blown up and you get the blame? You'd rather stay here?
GWGeneral Wittkamper
I'm coming with you.
S3 E17Two Nazis for the Price of One
You wanted to see me, sir? Oh, sorry, sir; I didn't realize you had company.
The Gestapo is not "company".
Frankly, I never thought much of 'em myself.
Hogan, you will show a little respect for Major Hochstetter!
Just a little, sir?
I mean a lot of respect! Hogan, please don't twist my words.
Tell me, Colonel, what do you know about... the Manhattan Project? What is it?
Maybe they're selling the island back to the Indians?
The 504th Bomb Group was assigned to the Manhattan Project. Is that right?
Were they?
You should know. You commanded the 504th Bomb Group.
Did I?
They have been taken out of combat and sent back to the States for special training. Correct?
How 'bout that!
Those are not answers!
Klink! Colonel, may I remind you that the Gestapo can be very unfriendly. Very unfriendly.
You know, I've heard that. And I've often wondered: What's a nice guy like you doing in an outfit like that?
Of course we could give you the time to think it over, in a special cell we have. It is not big enough to stand up in, and it is not big enough to lie down in.
Sounds like a hotel room I once had in Cleveland.
During the day, the the temperature is 140 degrees. And at night, it is below freezing.
That's the hotel, all right!
S3 E18Is There a Doctor in the House?
Colonel Hogan.
Yeah, we know, Schultz-- roll call. But I want the men to finish their game.
There won't be any roll call.
Look, no arguments, Schultz. This is our exercise period.
I said, there will be no roll call!
And I said-(pause) No roll call?
That's right.
(Newkirk, Lebeau, and Hogan approach Klink's quarters) Halt! Who goes there?
Heinrich Himmler, Joseph Goebbels, and I'm Hermann Goering.
Jolly jokers.
Klink!
Major Hochstetter!
What are these men doing here?
I'm his personal physician.
I'm his night nurse.
What can I do for you, Major?
For the next 48 hours, no one is to go in or out of this camp. And you are ordered immediately to double your security force.
Double the security force?
With his record?
(miffed) What are these men doing here?!
He's right, sir. There has never been a successful escape from Stalag 13.
We have reason to believe there's a girl from the French underground in this area.
A French girl?
This is a piece of cloth from a garment she wore.
Hmm. That's interesting. Very interesting.
Tomorrow, at precisely 3:00, we are bringing in tracking dogs especially trained by the Gestapo. It is possible this girl is hiding in this very camp.
Oh, no, sir.
Impossible.
Ridiculous.
(full out Hochstetter angry) What are these men doing here?!?!
Sir, do you think the tracking dogs are necessary?
Yes, I think they're necessary!
Yes, sir, I think they're necessary, too. A very wise move. I shall cooperate with you to the fullest, Major Hochstetter. (Hogan "accidentally" spills liquid on Hochstetter's shoe)
Clumsy! Here, let me wipe that up for you.(Hogan uses cloth to clean the fluid, ruining the girl's scent on the cloth to throw off the dogs.)
Are you crazy?
I'm sorry. That's what you're using to find the girl.
S3 E19Hogan, Go Home
They want me to go home. They've ordered me home.
Who would issue an order like that?
I don't know, but whoever it was is gonna have me for a friend for life! Kinch, radio London, tell 'em orders are acknowledged. When do I leave? How, where? All the details! [Goes back inside his quarters, slamming the door.] YAHOO!
Yes, sir.
Personally, I think he's takin' the news pretty well.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.