Kinchloe quotes from Hogan's Heroes

Kinchloe

Colonel Hogan, in response from London concerning your request for $1 million dollars worth of diamonds: Quote: "Are you nuts?" Unquote.

Kinchloe

[On the telephone, impersonating Burkhalter] Hello! Klink?! You idiot, what are you doing in town? I am here, at your office, waiting for you! Are you arguing with me, Klink?! Now, listen, I want you back here right away! I am counting! One! Two! Three! [Klink hangs up] I think he'll break some records getting back to camp.

Hogan

If only we could knock (the guns) out.

Carter

Hey! Maybe hand grenades could do some damage!

Newkirk

They're 15 miles from here, at least.

Kinchloe

Well, I'll warm up my pitching arm....

Hogan

What are the forgery boys working on?

Kinchloe

Raffle tickets. We've been selling them to the Krauts.

Hogan

Raffle tickets?

Newkirk

They're for an all-expenses-paid trip to New Orleans in time for Mardi Gras. It's for after the war.

Hogan

I think we can get to Bonuccelli.

Lebeau

How are you going to do that?

Hogan

Work on his weaknesses.

Newkirk

Italians are very sentimental.

Carter

And they love music.

Kinchloe

Anybody know the words to Santa Lucia?

Schultz

There's a new general in command of the military district. Tomorrow, he will be here for inspection.

Hogan

I can hardly wait.

Schultz

The orders are to clean up the barracks-

-Clean up the compound, and clean up yourself!

Kinchloe

What would they be doing here?

Hogan

Maybe they came to capture us again. Very thorough, the Germans.

Kinchloe

This Gestapo agent sounds like real trouble.

Hogan

Never known one who wasn't.

LeBeau

Just say the word, Colonel, and I'll make sure he's no trouble at all.

Hogan

Sure, then we'll really be in trouble. When a Gestapo agent's been killed?

LeBeau

Who'll know he's been killed? I'll make it look like he died of an accidental cut throat.

Kinchloe

I wonder how far it is to the Russian Front.

Hogan

I don't know, but it's getting closer every day.

Hogan

They want me to go home. They've ordered me home.

LeBeau

Who would issue an order like that?

Hogan

I don't know, but whoever it was is gonna have me for a friend for life! Kinch, radio London, tell 'em orders are acknowledged. When do I leave? How, where? All the details! [Goes back inside his quarters, slamming the door.] YAHOO!

Kinchloe

Yes, sir.

Newkirk

Personally, I think he's takin' the news pretty well.

Hogan

Gestapo man came to camp and I wasn't told?! Where was I?

Kinchloe

Listening to the World Series, with the rest of us.

Hogan

Well. First things first.

Carter

How did you know the Colonel was gonna accept the assignment?

Kinchloe

Easy. I read it in his face. Every time there's a tough one, his left eyebrow goes up.