Wilhelm Klink quotes from Hogan's Heroes

Klink

Bribe me, eh? I will throw them in the cooler for life. Even after the war. Even if we lose!

Klink

Yes, Herr General, I heard the news. A most regrettable business, 20 men escaping from Stalag 9. The Kommandant, Colonel Schmeckler, is a personal friend of mine. I must telephone him immediately to express my deepest sympathy. Yes... What? (Frowns) Oh, yes, long distance to Russia is very expensive.

Klink

Hogan, I'm going to have you shot and no court martial in the world will convict me.

Klink

Hogan, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect! [Hogan glances at a framed picture of Adolf Hitler on the wall.] Except him, of course.

Klink

Yes, Colonel Klink speaking. Lieutenant Bergmann, anything new to report? Nothing. No, you can't come here for lunch! Forget about eating; I'm hungry, too!

What an honor to have you here --

Where is my tank, Klink?

Hasn't it come back yet?

No. Klink, I released a tank to you to put down a riot by prisoners. I see no riot, I see no tank! All I see is a Colonel about to become Corporal!

Please, General -- it will turn up! I have searched the barracks, the surrounding areas, the prisoners--

[sarcastically]: The prisoners? Nobody had it in his pocket?! We are talking about a Tiger tank Klink!! Not a toy dump truck!

(Shaking his head)

Klink

You said "aimed at England," yeah?

Hogan

Mm-hmm

Klink

For your information, half of the airfield of Hamburg is missing, destroyed! I must see Major Hauser at once. Maybe he has a better lie than yours. [grabs his hat and storms out of the room]

Hogan

Another day, another rocket.

Schultz

So, England, they made a big hole in Hamburg. [clicks tongue] Naughty naughty.

Hogan

What could I do, Schultz? My aim is terrible when I'm in a hurry. [feeds him a grape]

Klink

I am well aware, Colonel Hogan, there is nothing you and your men would not do to try to undermine my position, even to have me replaced.

Hogan

Replace you, are you kidding? We'd do anything to keep you here.

Klink

Schultz! Where is that radio?

Schultz

They didn't tell me!

Klink

Find it at once!

Schultz

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Klink

[as the Schultz and the other guards search] Hogan! Where does that voice come from?

Hogan

From the accent, I'd say England.

Klink

If the prisoners ask any questions about these explosions, you know nothing. You - are - ignorant.

Schultz

Oh, I can handle that.

Klink

I know.

Hogan

[walks over with Klink to the ammunitions building; the painting has blurred the graffiti very little after being watered] You ordered us the paint the building; we painted it!

Klink

Colonel Hogan, this is not what I had in mind. I can still read those insults. Now, you will paint it again, and again, if necessary, until those insulting statements are gone. Now, PAINT IT! [storms away]

Hogan

[to the Allied POWs] All right, fellas, you heard the Kommandant. Now, let's get it right!

Klink

[tantruming] NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! [the building is now pink] A pink building on a military establishment? Are you mad?! If you think I wouldn't turn you over to the Gestapo, you are sadly mistaken.

Hogan

Come on, Colonel. It's about time we got a little color into the war. Everything's so drab.

Burkhalter

Now let me see what we can do with Colonel Hogan.

Klink

I will have him brought here and we will start strenuous interrogation at once.

Burkhalter

Klink, you are not only irresistible, but you are also very subtle.

Klink

Thank you, sir!

Burkhalter

Like a broken leg.

Klink

Don't you give me any credit for having any brains?

Hogan

I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might tell the truth.

Hogan

Colonel, you worry too much.

Klink

I worry? Huh. Your life is easy. You're only a prisoner of war.