Charity Bazaar quotes from Histeria!

Charity Bazaar

I don't wanna get disintegrated by a death ray. I have sensitive skin.

Charity Bazaar

You can lead a horse to water, but it's tough to get those swim fins on his hooves.

René Descartes

[answering the door] What do you want?!

Charity Bazaar

I'm not happy.

René Descartes

Neither am I!!

[narrating] And so the British Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which taxed newspapers, playing cards, and all printed material imported by the colonies. The American colonists were not happy.

Charity Bazaar

We're not happy.

Hey, this tax is unfair!

Froggo

We won't pay! [Redcoats surround them and cock their guns.] Unless they make us.

Then in 1767, Parliament passed the Townend act, which taxed tea, paper, glass, and lots of other items. Now the colonists were even less happy.

Charity Bazaar

Now we're even less happy.

Father Time

That's right! Your very first wet nurse!

Toast

Uh... what's a wet nurse?

And now, a word from Noah Webster.

Wet nurse. Noun, meaning a woman who cares for and suckles children not of her own.

Eww, gross!

Toast

Intense reekage!

Charity Bazaar

I'm really not happy.

Lydia Karaoke

And I had such high hopes for this show.

OK class, you have three apples and then you pick two more. What do ya have?

Charity Bazaar

A bunch of stuff.

Uh, close enough. Ok, what do you have if I take away three?

Charity Bazaar

Not so much stuff.

Uh, close enough.

Father Time

In 1489, the plus and minus signs first came into use.

Charity Bazaar

[holding up a paper graded with an F-] You know, I wish I could go back to the good old days.

Christopher Columbus

Santa Maria! Can't you take that smelly baby somewhere else?!

Charity Bazaar

Well, captain, this is the poopdeck.

Charity Bazaar

[My friends are] all completely crazy.

I agree.

Charity Bazaar

You and I are the only sane ones here.

I think you're right.

Charity Bazaar

So... wanna fly with me to Mars on the mothership?

What?! No way!

Charity Bazaar

[sighs] I guess I'm the only sane one here after all.

What is a lanyard?

Aka Pella

It's these little things you weave at camp from plastic strips.

Yeah, and you give them to you mom, and she goes "Oh, sweetie, this is so cute. I love it bluh".

Charity Bazaar

And you both know it's kind of lame, but she uses it as a key chain anyway.

Aka Pella

Because she loves your heiny.

All right, y'all scram! Git out the way!

Charity Bazaar

No. I will not let you devastate this innocent creature's home. I would rather die than let you ruin this land.

Ah'll give ya a cookie...

Charity Bazaar

Okay.

Loud Kiddington

Now Charity, why do you say your teacher's a witch?

Charity Bazaar

Well, she looks like a witch.

They dressed me up like this!

Loud Kiddington

Is that true?!

No no no no no no no!/No way!/I should say not!

Well, the hat; we did do the hat.

And the nose.

And maybe the broom.

Right, right! Yes, the broom, I forgot about that! Oh, and a couple of the warts.

Oh yes, almost forgot about the warts!

Loud Kiddington

OK, that's enough!

Charity Bazaar

We can't keep living like this.

Loud Kiddington

You mean 'cause all us peasants are poor and starving!?

Charity Bazaar

No, 'cause Toast is always hugging the bathroom.

Loud Kiddington

[singing] 55 bottles of root beer on the wall, 55 bottles of root beer...

Charity Bazaar

Will you be quiet? I can't stand that stupid song.

Loud Kiddington

GREAT! YOU MADE ME FORGET WHERE I WAS! NOW I GOTTA START OVER! [singing] 99 bottles of root beer on the wall, 99 bottles of root beer...

Charity Bazaar

I'm not happy.

Ha-haa! We've done it! We've finally broken through!

And now it's time to use our nastiest weapons!

Toast

Yeah, dudes! Those weapons are pretty nasty, all right. But they're not as nasty as ours! Bring out the secret weapon!

Lucky Bob

One secret weapon coming up!

Awwww! Look at the cute little baby! Koochie koochie koo!

Charity Bazaar

I'm still not happy.

Toast

Hey, remember dudes, no matter how you fight your battles, war stinks!