René Descartes quotes from Histeria!

René Descartes

I drink, therefore I must visit the restroom. No... I wink, therefore I flirt with girls. Nooo! I sink, therefore I must take svimming lessons!

René Descartes

[answering the door] What do you want?!

Charity Bazaar

I'm not happy.

René Descartes

Neither am I!!

Cho-Cho

Hi mistah! Wanna buy a magazine? I've got Time and Sports Illustrated, Fortune, People, Entertainment Weekly, Highlights...

René Descartes

No! Go away!

Cho-Cho

Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the windmill this morning! Right, Lucky Bob?

Lucky Bob

Yes!

Toast

Pizza's here!

René Descartes

What?

Toast

Here's your pepperoni pizza with extra barbecue sauce, hold the anchovies.

René Descartes

I didn't order any pizza!

Toast

Yeah ya did, I got the order right here.

René Descartes

That is not my address; this is for Galileo. He lives in Italy.

Toast

Well, I don't think I can get there in a half-hour or less.

Aka Pella

Like, mister, are you okay?

Toast

I think the dude's having a nervous breakdown.

René Descartes

Oh, you think so, do you?! Well, I think that -- Think? Think! That's it! "I think, therefore I am!" I did it! I did it, huhuhu! [in singsong] I found a basic axiom upon which to be acknowledged!

Toast

Spare me the details, brainy-dude. Can I get paid for the pizza now?

René Descartes

No no no, wait wait, I'm on a role! "I think, therefore I am!" Don't you see? It is so simple! If I think, then I exist. If I don't think, then I don't exist! Now I can solve any mystery known to man! Go ahead, ask me something! Something!

Toast

Who's gonna pay for this pizza?

René Descartes

I--I don't know. I have absolutely no idea. I can't think! Therefore I am-- [suddenly vanishes]

Toast

Gone, chuh! The dude stiffed me!

Loud Kiddington

What a gyp!!

Toast

Hey! Don't disappear on me, deadbeat philosopher dude! Think yourself back into existence! Somebody's gotta pay for the pie, man!