Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

[as Jonathon's signature dish is revealed] What the fuck is that on the plate?

I call this the Punch Drunk Chicken. (interview) I got the Southern flavor, you know? I put a lot of flavor in the food, raw but real. So, if Chef Ramsay complains about it, well, he's full of shit, man.

Hold on, it gets worse. [holds up sliced piece of pineapple] The pineapple looks like... canned?

Yes.

You open a can of pineapple, and you stick it on top of a chicken?

Limited time today.

"Limited time?" 45 minutes?! Limited time?!

Yes.

You're so full of shit, even your eyes are brown! While you come in here and serve me a canned fucking pineapple, you can fuck off now. Seriously! I'll pay for the ticket! You tell me.

No, sir.

It's an absolute freaking mess. But the surprising fact was you opened it out of a can. That's what pissed me off more than anything. I'm not even going to taste it! Ladies, congratulations.

Right? First name, and what in the hell is that on there?

My name is Krupa. This is a traditional Gujarati dish of stuffed naan.

First off, doesn't exactly look appetizing, does it?

No.

No. It's like you've got four bits of asswipe on a plate. Splat!

You're right.

[takes a bite of naan] Spices are raw, bland. My dear Krupa, yeah? That is crap-a!

First name?

Jamie.

What do you do?

I'm a sous chef.

You're already a sous chef?

Yes. (interview) I'm still a young chef, but I know how good I am.

Tell me about the dish.

It's lamb lollipops with a red onion confiture.

[after eating a bite of lamb] You've overcooked the most important thing: the lamb. If you're going to have the balls to call yourself a sous chef, learn to cook lamb properly first.

Yes, chef.

Okay, uh...

Steven.

What is that? [picks up plate]

I have seared diver scallops over wild mushroom risotto. (interview) I've been cooking 30 years. Nobody else has a chance in this thing.

Honestly, it's like toenails, on a fucking dinosaur! [some of the contestants laugh] Look at them!

It's got good flavor.

"It's got good flavor?" You can't be that deluded. The point goes to... none of you. Stop fucking around.

Sorry, chef.

Tonight, Hell's Kitchen is once again the place to be in Los Angeles. The restaurant has been redesigned with a stunning balcony above the kitchen that gives those diners a unique view of the action of the kitchen.

[Carries the first order tickets to Blue Kitchen, approaches Gordon] 'Kay, alright! First order, chef!

[Receives the tickets from James] Let's go. [to Blue Team] Okay Blue Team, here we are! First ticket to the blue team: One risotto, one scallop, one squab, one spaghetti!

Yes, chef!

I'm sorry, chef, can you repeat that?

Can I repeat that?

I'm sorry? I-I'm sorry, chef!

Yeah, let me repeat it: Fuck yourself!

Yes, sir!

"Can I repeat that?" Is he (Chino) fucking stupid?

Okay, Red Team! Come here, let's go! [Red Team approaches Gordon] First ticket! Good luck!

Yes, chef!

Two tables away, table four: one scallops, one risotto. Entrée: One New York–

[Interrupts Gordon; Talks to other Red Team member] Oh, one risotto!

[to Elise] Hey, madam!

Sorry!

I'm not gonna shout over you.

I'm sorry.

I've got 10 seconds - a window - to call these out!

I'm sorry. I apologize.

Come here, you, Big mouth, come here. [Puts and bangs the ticket on the table] Call out the fucking ticket. COME HERE! Call out the ticket!

[Grabs the ticket, calls out the ticket to the Red Team] Y'all ready? We need one scallop, two risotto for appetizers!

Oh, fuck me. So the lobster's ready for the second table thanks to Steven, but I just want the first!

I'm working on the first, chef!

SO WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THE SECOND?!

I'll–I'll go one at a time.

The thought of you doing two things at once, forget it!

OK.

Just focus on the first ticket, Steven!

Yes, chef!

What's he done to this? [returns the cod to the workstation] BLUE TEAM!

Yes, chef?

NO garnish anywhere, STILL fragmented and look! It's burnt! [holds up the cod, shows it to the Blue team and angrily slams it on the workstation; calls Chino]

(interview) I burnt the miso cod. You know, I should know this shit too because I'm Asian.

Oh, guys!

(interview) Chino really fucked the cod up, man. Basted that motherfucker with roof tar or something.

Chino!

Yes, chef?

Come here, you! Get out of my sight.

[leads Chino to the Chef's Table] Sit down.

Scott, get him peeling onions, garlic, but away from the stove!

[brings onions and garlic to Chino at Chef's Table] There you go. At least you won't be able to burn any of that.

(interview) Ugh. Horrible.

Absolute fucking useless!

Scallops are in the window!

(to Steven) Hey. come here, you. Just touch.

They're springy, chef.

They're what?

Springy. When you spring back, usually they're ready.

So they're ready, are they?

I feel that they're ready.

That fucking rubbery?

Sorry, chef.

(interview) Everything Steven was touching was turning to shit tonight. You know how they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks? [smirks]

Sit down and eat them. Enjoy your "springy" scallops! Let me know how you feel halfway through! Bon appétit.

I think they're perfect. [eats his scallops on the chef's table]

[checks on scallops brought up by Tommy] Hey, rock-and-roll bozo, come here!

Shit!

I go from, "springy", to boiled bits of shit.

(interview) Aaaahhh, yeah, this sucks. Took a hell of a dive.

Take a seat and fucking eat them. (to James, who is in the dining room) Service please, little glass of wine, Sauvignon Blanc, goes beautifully well with the raw ceviche skillet.

[Watches other three contestants on the chef's table] (interview) Hell's Kitchen weeds out the week. This competition is mine, and it's only a matter of time.

One, two, three of you, ALL ON THE FREAKIN' FISH STATION!

I jumped over to help out, chef.

Yeah, I wish you'd jump in the oven! That would make my life a lot easier!

Back in the red kitchen, Carrie is looking to redeem herself on the fish station.

[goes to Carrie's fish station and takes over] I'll cook the fish, I'll cook it.

But Elise has other plans.

I got it babe. No, I got it. This is my station.

Don't push me!

Thank you.

(interview) Clearly, Carrie is the weaker cook than I am, so I felt like I want to take charge to impress Chef Ramsay.

Why is she (Elise) cooking fish?

I don't know what she's doing. She just came over here and grabbed it, chef. (interview) I mean, are you fucking kidding me? That bitch is crazy.

(to Carrie) What in the fuck is she doing?

I didn't let her cook and she just came here and grabbed it chef.

So I was going to cooking for you because we're all a team, right?

[covers his face] Ugh.

She trying to prove a point.

Elise!

Yes, chef?

[holds a ticket] I got a six top dying for the appetizers! And you're cooking fish!

I'll put the spaghetti up.

(to Elise) You, fuck off. Sit on the chef's table.

(interview; laughs loudly) HA!!!

(to Brendan) Filet is already up, bro! Watch the potatoes, they're about to burn!

Got 'em.

Well then pull them off!!

We're waiting on the sides!

Got 'em.

[sees the potatoes burnt while Brendan still sears them] Brendan, look at me. The potatoes in front of you. They're burnt. You're standing over them!

(brief pause) Yes, chef!

(interview) Brendan wanna sit there and puff out his fuckin' chest: "I'm gonna fuckin' do this! I'm a fuckin' man!". Bullshit bro, you suck!!!!

COME ON, GUYS!

That's twice in a row. Cooked to perfection, but we can't even SEND THE TABLE TOGETHER! Because NOBODY'S TOGETHER! SMOOTH SERVICE? MY ARSE!!

I've never in my whole career ever been stopped by fucking side items. Never.

Chef?

James.

Tables are walking out.

Blue team, they're walking out. (to Chino, Steven and Tommy from the Chef's Table) You muppet, get off your fat arse. (to Blue Team) Let me show you something: Not one entrée has left this fucking kitchen. NOT ONE!

Yes, chef.

And look at the pans back there! Any bright ideas?

Want me to jump in? I'll clean them.

I'm talking about the customers. Not the fricking pans.

Yes, chef.

Any ideas?

No.

Hey, what are you going to do now? They are walking OUT! FUCK OFF!

(interview) At that point, it was a trainwreck on ice. There was nothing we could do about it.

Stop! You're out of your misery. [throws his spoon away; goes over to the Red kitchen]

(to red team) Let's do this ladies, come on! Let's not disappoint the customers.

Carrie. They've gone. (brief pause) SHUT IT DOWN!

Fuck!

Burnt on the bottom?

Yup.

[Returns to the workstation with burnt risotto and scrapes it in front of the Blue Team] Risotto burnt, and overcooked on the bottom! [Drops the pan] It's going to pot!

I got it, chef! [Prepares another risotto] I got it, chef! I got another one, chef!

(interview) It looked like somebody just took the pan and shit in it, and then tried to put some risotto on that, man.

[Brings the risotto to the pass] Risotto, chef.

I can't believe it, he did it again.

[returns to the workstation and scrapes the risotto] I've got another burnt risotto, it's burnt! [Throws the risotto in the bin along with his spoon and the pan] It's FUCKING BURNT!!! Chino, what the fuck is going on? How long for the risotto?

Eight minutes, chef. I'm sorry about that.

Eight minutes? (to James) Excuse me, I apologize, the risotto's behind it, yes? (to Chino) Come on, Chino!

(interview) I can't have another bad service today. Right now, I have to take this more seriously like nobody else. I have to prove to Chef Ramsay that I belong here.

If you burn me that risotto one more time...

No, chef.

Look at me - hey, look at me... I'll drag you out of here.

No, chef. No, chef.

Brendan on the fish station is now ready to move onto entrées...

Sea bass is ready. Are we ready to go on entrées?

Pull it out now.

Brendan -

Yes, chef?

I haven't-I haven't called it. Who called the entrées?

...even if Chef Ramsay isn't.

Who fired? I didn't fire.

Yes, chef. Sea bass is fired, and it's ready.

What is going on? You cooked the bass. Is your meat ready?

No, chef.

And the garnish all ready?

No, chef.

You've got to work as a team! PLEASE!

(interview) Brendan, man he jumped the gun. You know, he's too busy trying not to fuck up and he forgets it's about communicating.

Okay, let's go for the first entrée together!

Yes, chef.

Timing!

Yes, chef.

Away now: One sea bass, one wellington, one New York strip, one prime rib.

Yes, chef!

Get another bass in!

Brendan?

Yes, chef?

Is that the same bass?

No, chef.

You didn't start a fresh one?

Yes, I did, chef.

So where's the old one then?

I threw it away, chef.

Show me.

Yeah. [looks through the garbage] Chef, I can't find it.

Are you lying to me? Because I'm going to stop this whole fucking kitchen. I'm going to ask you one more time to tell me the truth. Is that the bass from 10 minutes ago or is that a fresh one you cooked? Because I'm going to turn this fucking kitchen upside down...

(interview; wiping his face) Oh, my God. (to Gordon) Chef, yes.

[tosses the bass down] Why?

Start a new bass. Start a new bass.

[offscreen] Sorry.

Stop! Everybody stop! New garnish.

(interview) Brendan's an idiot for lying to Chef Ramsay. It's like seriously, you're making a fool of yourself.

And how dare you go to the garbage can, search it, and turn me out like that.

Yes, chef.

Period!

Firing again. Firing again.

You do that to me one more time, trust me, fuck the elimination, I'll send you out there and then. Let me tell you that.

Yes, chef. Won't happen again. (interview) Chef Ramsay's not a stupid person. I was blowing smoke up his ass and he called me out on it.

Start again!

Firing a new bass now, chef.

Oh, come on. [Returns to workstation] Uh, Tommy! The duck is OVERCOOKED!

FUCK! It's ridiculous, man!

Tommy, start a new chicken. It's overcooked! You have one ready.

That's a duck! [throws his spoon away]

It's a duck.

Duck. Sorry, chef.

(calls the entire team) All of you, come here. Not one entrée has left this fucking kitchen! GET IT TOGETHER!

Yes, chef!