Steven Paluba quotes from Hell's Kitchen

First name?

Jamie.

What do you do?

I'm a sous chef.

You're already a sous chef?

Yes. (interview) I'm still a young chef, but I know how good I am.

Tell me about the dish.

It's lamb lollipops with a red onion confiture.

[after eating a bite of lamb] You've overcooked the most important thing: the lamb. If you're going to have the balls to call yourself a sous chef, learn to cook lamb properly first.

Yes, chef.

Okay, uh...

Steven.

What is that? [picks up plate]

I have seared diver scallops over wild mushroom risotto. (interview) I've been cooking 30 years. Nobody else has a chance in this thing.

Honestly, it's like toenails, on a fucking dinosaur! [some of the contestants laugh] Look at them!

It's got good flavor.

"It's got good flavor?" You can't be that deluded. The point goes to... none of you. Stop fucking around.

Sorry, chef.

Oh, fuck me. So the lobster's ready for the second table thanks to Steven, but I just want the first!

I'm working on the first, chef!

SO WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THE SECOND?!

I'll–I'll go one at a time.

The thought of you doing two things at once, forget it!

OK.

Just focus on the first ticket, Steven!

Yes, chef!

Scallops are in the window!

(to Steven) Hey. come here, you. Just touch.

They're springy, chef.

They're what?

Springy. When you spring back, usually they're ready.

So they're ready, are they?

I feel that they're ready.

That fucking rubbery?

Sorry, chef.

(interview) Everything Steven was touching was turning to shit tonight. You know how they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks? [smirks]

Sit down and eat them. Enjoy your "springy" scallops! Let me know how you feel halfway through! Bon appétit.

I think they're perfect. [eats his scallops on the chef's table]

[checks on scallops brought up by Tommy] Hey, rock-and-roll bozo, come here!

Shit!

I go from, "springy", to boiled bits of shit.

(interview) Aaaahhh, yeah, this sucks. Took a hell of a dive.

Take a seat and fucking eat them. (to James, who is in the dining room) Service please, little glass of wine, Sauvignon Blanc, goes beautifully well with the raw ceviche skillet.

[Watches other three contestants on the chef's table] (interview) Hell's Kitchen weeds out the week. This competition is mine, and it's only a matter of time.

One, two, three of you, ALL ON THE FREAKIN' FISH STATION!

I jumped over to help out, chef.

Yeah, I wish you'd jump in the oven! That would make my life a lot easier!

Chef?

James.

Tables are walking out.

Blue team, they're walking out. (to Chino, Steven and Tommy from the Chef's Table) You muppet, get off your fat arse. (to Blue Team) Let me show you something: Not one entrée has left this fucking kitchen. NOT ONE!

Yes, chef.

And look at the pans back there! Any bright ideas?

Want me to jump in? I'll clean them.

I'm talking about the customers. Not the fricking pans.

Yes, chef.

Any ideas?

No.

Hey, what are you going to do now? They are walking OUT! FUCK OFF!

(interview) At that point, it was a trainwreck on ice. There was nothing we could do about it.

Stop! You're out of your misery. [throws his spoon away; goes over to the Red kitchen]

(to red team) Let's do this ladies, come on! Let's not disappoint the customers.

Carrie. They've gone. (brief pause) SHUT IT DOWN!

Fuck!