Gordon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Please God, let there be something on the next plate. [reveals Matt's signature dish] Whoa.

(interview) My signature dish is going to help me stand out, because I'm a true culinarian. I understand what Gordon's looking for.

What is it?

I call it Exotic Tartare. Because it's with venison and diver scallops, with caviar and white chocolate and...

Whoa stop. Let me get this right again. Either that or I'm just about to be Punk'd. Diver scallops chopped up, caviar and white chocolate. Do you smoke?

Cigarettes?

No. Raw venison, raw quail egg, lime zest, olive oil, scallops, caviar and grated white chocolate. [takes a taste] Capers as well. [Matt nods]

[straightening up, wiping his mouth] That must be one of the worst combinations I've ever tasted in 21 years of cooking! Piss off will you?

(interview) I really don't understand what Chef Ramsay didn't like about the dish. I'm a little boggled on that.

[picks up the platter and throws it into the bin] Unreal!

With Rosann's dish receiving a good review from Chef Ramsay, things might be looking up.

[reveals Petrozza's dish, which is a whole pumpkin] Oh, fuck me...

...Or are they?

What in the fuck? Happy Halloween?

(interview) People ask me what my speciality is. But, I don't have a speciality; I can cook anything.

What is that?

There's a Cornish hen inside, Chef.

A Cornish hen? What'd you do to it to get it in there?

It got in there-- I got it in-- I got it in there.

Holy shit. [removes the pumpkin] These are potatoes?

Yes, sir.

In how much grease and fat and oil did you fry them?

There's some butter in there.

[holding up a dripping pile of potatoes] Some butter in that?

That's a lot of butter.

Well, just stop there. That goes in there. [scrapes the potatoes into the bin] And let's see what we got for trick-or-treat, shall we?

Okay.

[removes the top of the pumpkin] Oh, my God... How do you get in there and eat it? I mean, am I missing a trick?

It's plated tableside.

Oh.

It's- it's presented like that.

Alright, off you go. Take your time. [Petrozza splits the pumpkin open, revealing a greasy blob of meat] Oh, my God. Okay, stop right there. I don't think I'll get through that, do you?

Okay, no.

So, what's the, uh... dish called?

Hen in a pumpkin.

Right now, looking at that mess, I'd like to stick your fucking head in there, you know that? [tastes the dish] It's dry.

Yeah, well...

And the pumpkin's not even seasoned inside, it's just bland! You'd have more of a chance sticking a candle in there for Halloween to make me happy than you would sticking a hen in there. Fuck off.

(interview) Chef Ramsay said he was looking for something memorable. And I believe my dish was memorable.

Bobby, what are the five entrées on the menu?

Uh... we have... uh, I'm not sure.

Matt, what are the five entrées?

Uh... there's uh... [Now Jen and Shayna also have their hands raised, just like Christina] I don't know chef.

WHAT!? Petrozza! WHAT ARE THE ENTREÉS!?

Um... um...

Chef Ramsay has just discovered one minor problem...

(interview) Nobody has a damn clue of what's going on!

My God! Christina what are the five entrées?

We have a lamb en croute, salmon, john dory, beef fillet and poached and roasted chicken, sir.

Thank you. (in a sigh of relief)

(smirks) (interview) The guys suck and they're going to go down in flames. That makes me happy!

Guys, what is the matter? Already you look like a bunch of dicks and we haven't even fucking opened!

(interview) Knowing the menu is one thing, cooking the menu is another thing.

Scallops, risotto, how long?

Right now, right now. [brings his risotto to the pass]

Where's the scallops? [Dominic is still holding raw scallops in his hand] What's he done?

They're like little burnt bits of something here.

Oh, my God. The rice is overcooked.

Ow, that's hot!

Hey you, come here! I've had enough! You can't even get two fucking dishes together, that's how shit you've been! I don't want any more embarrassments. I just wanna go with some food!!

It's over an hour into the first dinner service, and Jason is about to get an invitation.

Sit down and eat that! I want you to taste what you are trying to serve Hell's Kitchen. Sit down. Let me know when you're done. I'll get dessert!

(interview) I am horribly embarrassed at myself. I should've fucking stayed home.

Stuff your face, y'bastard.

[returning Sharon's eggs to the workstation] Who turn the eggs around like that? You served eggs like that?

(interview) Hello! I know it thinks that hard to fry an egg.

[sees a fried egg with in disgust] I want them up! OH, COME ON!!! (to Rosann) Rosann, can you take control?

Yes, chef.

Vanessa, get the captain's badge on from your fucking arm will you?!

Rosann, away!

Okay ladies, come on let's get one scallop, one Caesar to this window, how long?

(interview) I sat out as captain and its pretty bad.

(to Dominic and his scallops) Touch that. Rubber. They're rubber! They're like a ball elastic bands. It's like a fucking golf ball. Golf ball!

(interview) I couldn't sauté a scallop to save my ass tonight.

Everything you cooked, you screwed. Have you ever cooked a scallop before?

(interview) Whooooo! What a disaster!

He hasn't got the tuna in! Why are you putting more scallops in there? And you're like this on the scallops. [mocks Dominic, holding out his right hand with a shocked face] Oh, fuck ME! SHIT! Bobby.

Yes?

I'm looking for someone to take control of this disgusting, embarrassing mess. He (Jason) doesn't give a fuck, he's (Dominic) dreaming, he's (Matt) standing there pissing his pants looking for his tartare, caviar and white chocolate crap! And he's (Louross) just running around like a toilet brush. IS ANYONE GOING TO TAKE CONTROL?!!

Jump in there, Bobby. Jump in there, baby.

I don't want to jump in! You guys, you guys got it over there! It's going to make so much confusion if I get in over there. You've got six sets of hands over there, you don't need eight sets. I don't want to join the chaos.

(interview) He's the captain. I mean, to just be like, "Yeah, uh, I don't want to get in this chaos," that's like saying "Fuck you, I quit!"

(with some bland sauce) Yeah, that's bland. It looks terrible.

(to the blue team) Come here! Taste that, all of you! [the men come over and start tasting the sauce] Run Dominic! You lazy fucker! And you put your fingers in there. Aw, my God! [takes a spoonful out, lets it drip] Look. Snot! [tosses the sauce away] Fuck off. [kicks the bins] USELESS FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT! You all know it's crap, not one of you got the balls to do anything about it!!

I didn't taste it yet.

Guys, it's just simple, just go man and come on. (to Ben) Just what are you doing? (interview) I didn't see anybody taste the food today, just getting into the groove out as "if like you're making love to the kitchen".

(to Ben) Caesar with a little bit of salt and pepper, that's all.

(to Bobby and points him) Hey you, take the badge off and give the (Louross) little fucker over there! Thank God, someone has a pair of balls.

(with a piece of chicken) Who cooked this chicken?

I did chef.

Come here! Let's get all together now.

Come on, ladies!

You hold the chicken.

Yes sir. Oh shit!

Pass it around.

(interview) I thought either a pan was going to get thrown, glass was going to get shattered. Someone was getting hurt.

Throw me the ball. [Sharon throws the chicken to Gordon] Let's fucking... play rounders! [throws the chicken hard against the oven]

(interview) It happened to be the chicken so, sorry to the chicken.

It's rubber! Plastic - dry - shit!

What's the matter?

They are leaving, chef.

What?

It's going empty.

(to both teams) STOP! Look out there! Your customers have gone. Shut it down. clear down.

Good morning!

Good morning, chef.

Bright and breezy!

[groaning] Yes, chef.

With everything you wasted last night on service, any restaurant would've gone out of business. You have to understand what you put in... the trash last night! Hey guys - hup! [garbage truck drives up] I've never seen so much fantastic produce wasted. Now. Every rubber chicken breast, every overcooked risotto, every rock hard potato you binned last night: get it out and put it back in the cylinders, move!

(interview) We're fucking playing through garbage this is going to suck!

Petrozza.

Yes?

The menu. Five appetisers. What are they?

The appetizers... Caesar salad with... with fresh anchovies and seared uh... tuna, the um... the um... the um... [chuckles quietly]

Stop. Stop! Do me a favour: get out.

Okay.

Hey, look at me. Upstairs - hey! - and read that FUCKING menu! And listen, your station stands unmanned until you get your fucking shit together!

Okay.

Hurry up! [Petrozza leaves the kitchen to memorize the menu] Is it really too much to know the menu inside and out? Eat, drink, sleep, breathe it? I've got 3,000 dishes between my ears. Pathetic.

It’s not even fucking hot! [calls Petrozza] Come here, Petrozza! Oh, here we fucking go. Touch that. You, touch that. (to Bobby) Please touch that. There you go. Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch, touch.

It's rare. It's rare. It needs more fire.

Aggggh, [throws spoon] SHIT! SHIT!

(to Sharon) Where's the beef?

Sorry, chef.

(reads a ticket) Two salmon, one beef, one wellington. Unbelievable. Have you asked Christina?

No, I didn't. I thought it was coming. She (Christina) just yelled that it was coming.

You're not really a chef, aren't you? You're just a showgirl with a big feather coming out of your ass.

You (Christina) and you (Sharon) are putting the kitchen to shit. Can you move and wake up a bit, please, yes?

Yes, chef!

You're both pissing around like a pair of Barbie twins! [Sharon sticks her tongue out] Sharon, you're scaring me. You look like the female version of fucking Hannibal Lecter. Put your fucking tongue in and concentrate.

Yes, chef.

Hannibal!

Watch, he's going to set this place on fire. What the fuck are you trying to do? Can't fucking win in here so you set the place on fire!

No, chef.

Is that your little motive?

No, not at all chef.

Yeah? I've never seen such fucking flames from gnocchi!

Sorry chef, won't happen again.