Craig quotes from Hell's Kitchen

(to Dominic and his scallops) Touch that. Rubber. They're rubber! They're like a ball elastic bands. It's like a fucking golf ball. Golf ball!

(interview) I couldn't sauté a scallop to save my ass tonight.

Everything you cooked, you screwed. Have you ever cooked a scallop before?

(interview) Whooooo! What a disaster!

He hasn't got the tuna in! Why are you putting more scallops in there? And you're like this on the scallops. [mocks Dominic, holding out his right hand with a shocked face] Oh, fuck ME! SHIT! Bobby.

Yes?

I'm looking for someone to take control of this disgusting, embarrassing mess. He (Jason) doesn't give a fuck, he's (Dominic) dreaming, he's (Matt) standing there pissing his pants looking for his tartare, caviar and white chocolate crap! And he's (Louross) just running around like a toilet brush. IS ANYONE GOING TO TAKE CONTROL?!!

Jump in there, Bobby. Jump in there, baby.

I don't want to jump in! You guys, you guys got it over there! It's going to make so much confusion if I get in over there. You've got six sets of hands over there, you don't need eight sets. I don't want to join the chaos.

(interview) He's the captain. I mean, to just be like, "Yeah, uh, I don't want to get in this chaos," that's like saying "Fuck you, I quit!"

45 minutes into dinner service, blue diners are enjoying their appetizers.

The onion rings are good. I like them.

The onion rings are getting positive reviews.

The chicken however...

(As Jean-Philippe returns the chicken.) Oh no. Oh no! Raw chicken?

Yeah, raw chicken chef.

Oh fucking hell. GENTLEMEN! [slams the plates down] RAW CHICKEN! Matt! [kicks the bins] Pink and bloody! [throws the chicken in the bin] Come here you. Fucking prick!

Yes, chef.

What the fuck are you doing?

Yes, chef. Sorry chef, it won't happen again.

(interview) Oh, my God. That's pretty major. If a kid is biting into a chicken wing that's raw, that's just fucking nasty.

It's the tartare again with you isn't it?

That's what it is, isn't it? That's what you can do?

No it's not chef. (interview) I was this close to his face and I didn't even blink at him.

You can manage to fuck up raw food. WAKE UP!

Yes, chef! (interview) I'm not going to break. I'm not here to break. He's not going to break me as a person.

Hey, Craig! Four macaroni, one burger, one spaghetti of clam, and you've given me meatballs. One's called a fucking meatball, and one's called a clam. Spaghetti is clam, meatball is meatball. Where's the spaghetti of clams?

Right here, chef.

Fuck! [kicks a bin] Raw!

Don't worry about it. Start over, fast.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

So, how long?

I got it.

[pulling the tongs back] These are mine.

He doesn't even answer you, look. He doesn't even give you an answer.

Craig, answer the chef already!

TWO MINUTES!

Jen, stand next to Chef Ben. Cook with him.

(interview) The thing is, it's embarrassing that chef called them in to come help.

(to Ben) Look at the current situation. Now, go around and slap yourselves in the back now then.

I thought we were close chef, but I was wrong.

You thought you were fucking close. Let's give a big round of applause to the captain who hit an iceberg on the fucking Titanic. Shayna.

Yes, chef.

Stay next to Chef Craig.

What do you need?

I got it. I got it. I got it.

(interview) "I got it. I got it. I got it."

What do you need?

I got it.

Don't tell me you got it. What do you need? (interview) Chill! Take the help. Even if it's from a girl.

Just push out the plates. Let's just do it and just end the day.

Away now, one crab cake, one meatballs, one clam, one Caesar.

(to Craig) How long?

How long for the fucking clam?

You're burning, you're burning.

He's not even giving me an answer.

Come on, answer him, please!

He's making me feel fucking nervous!

[burns his hand] Fuck!

Hello?

Let's just go! Craig, Craig, the pasta's ready! Come on!

How long for the fucking clam?

It's coming up right NOWWWW! Fucking listen! [angrily throws a pan to one side]

Oh, my fucking god.

All three of you should walk through that door.

I'm just going to keep giving you 100% chef. Every day.

I'm going to give you 125%.

I don't know percentages but just over that.