Matt Sigel quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Please God, let there be something on the next plate. [reveals Matt's signature dish] Whoa.

(interview) My signature dish is going to help me stand out, because I'm a true culinarian. I understand what Gordon's looking for.

What is it?

I call it Exotic Tartare. Because it's with venison and diver scallops, with caviar and white chocolate and...

Whoa stop. Let me get this right again. Either that or I'm just about to be Punk'd. Diver scallops chopped up, caviar and white chocolate. Do you smoke?

Cigarettes?

No. Raw venison, raw quail egg, lime zest, olive oil, scallops, caviar and grated white chocolate. [takes a taste] Capers as well. [Matt nods]

[straightening up, wiping his mouth] That must be one of the worst combinations I've ever tasted in 21 years of cooking! Piss off will you?

(interview) I really don't understand what Chef Ramsay didn't like about the dish. I'm a little boggled on that.

[picks up the platter and throws it into the bin] Unreal!

Bobby, what are the five entrées on the menu?

Uh... we have... uh, I'm not sure.

Matt, what are the five entrées?

Uh... there's uh... [Now Jen and Shayna also have their hands raised, just like Christina] I don't know chef.

WHAT!? Petrozza! WHAT ARE THE ENTREÉS!?

Um... um...

Chef Ramsay has just discovered one minor problem...

(interview) Nobody has a damn clue of what's going on!

My God! Christina what are the five entrées?

We have a lamb en croute, salmon, john dory, beef fillet and poached and roasted chicken, sir.

Thank you. (in a sigh of relief)

(smirks) (interview) The guys suck and they're going to go down in flames. That makes me happy!

Guys, what is the matter? Already you look like a bunch of dicks and we haven't even fucking opened!

(interview) Knowing the menu is one thing, cooking the menu is another thing.

Watch, he's going to set this place on fire. What the fuck are you trying to do? Can't fucking win in here so you set the place on fire!

No, chef.

Is that your little motive?

No, not at all chef.

Yeah? I've never seen such fucking flames from gnocchi!

Sorry chef, won't happen again.

45 minutes into dinner service, blue diners are enjoying their appetizers.

The onion rings are good. I like them.

The onion rings are getting positive reviews.

The chicken however...

(As Jean-Philippe returns the chicken.) Oh no. Oh no! Raw chicken?

Yeah, raw chicken chef.

Oh fucking hell. GENTLEMEN! [slams the plates down] RAW CHICKEN! Matt! [kicks the bins] Pink and bloody! [throws the chicken in the bin] Come here you. Fucking prick!

Yes, chef.

What the fuck are you doing?

Yes, chef. Sorry chef, it won't happen again.

(interview) Oh, my God. That's pretty major. If a kid is biting into a chicken wing that's raw, that's just fucking nasty.

It's the tartare again with you isn't it?

That's what it is, isn't it? That's what you can do?

No it's not chef. (interview) I was this close to his face and I didn't even blink at him.

You can manage to fuck up raw food. WAKE UP!

Yes, chef! (interview) I'm not going to break. I'm not here to break. He's not going to break me as a person.

Jen, stand next to Chef Ben. Cook with him.

(interview) The thing is, it's embarrassing that chef called them in to come help.

(to Ben) Look at the current situation. Now, go around and slap yourselves in the back now then.

I thought we were close chef, but I was wrong.

You thought you were fucking close. Let's give a big round of applause to the captain who hit an iceberg on the fucking Titanic. Shayna.

Yes, chef.

Stay next to Chef Craig.

What do you need?

I got it. I got it. I got it.

(interview) "I got it. I got it. I got it."

What do you need?

I got it.

Don't tell me you got it. What do you need? (interview) Chill! Take the help. Even if it's from a girl.

Just push out the plates. Let's just do it and just end the day.

Away now, one crab cake, one meatballs, one clam, one Caesar.

(to Craig) How long?

How long for the fucking clam?

You're burning, you're burning.

He's not even giving me an answer.

Come on, answer him, please!

He's making me feel fucking nervous!

[burns his hand] Fuck!

Hello?

Let's just go! Craig, Craig, the pasta's ready! Come on!

How long for the fucking clam?

It's coming up right NOWWWW! Fucking listen! [angrily throws a pan to one side]

Oh, my fucking god.

All three of you should walk through that door.

I'm just going to keep giving you 100% chef. Every day.

I'm going to give you 125%.

I don't know percentages but just over that.

Why's Bobby on the fish? What's going on there?

He's helping me out, we're working as a team.

Well there's a big difference between helping him out and running the section!

(interview) If we left it up to Matt. We would've done very very poorly so I caught it before it got to that point.

Bobby, little fine for the team spirit helping them out, but did you listen to what I said? You're cooking it, he's (Matt) running around wiping your arse (to Matt) and the said thing about you, hey, you let him. If I was running this section and I was in Hell's Kitchen running the fish, give me this give me that, I'm staying here, I'm cooking!

Yes, chef.

[whispers in Matt's ear] You can only hide for so long.

I'm not hiding, chef. I'm not hiding at all. I wasn't trying to hide, chef.

You're doing a fucking good job of hiding. [Matt still tries to argue he wasn't] Look at me! I'VE MADE IT FUCKING CLEAR! Do you want to argue now or are you going to run your station?

Yes, chef.

Every 16 year-old girl filled out these comment cards this evening. Gentlemen, out of all the customers you cooked for tonight, 98% of them said they'd come back. Brilliant! Ladies, on the other hand... 99% of your customers would come back. [the women cheer loudly, while the men look dismayed] Actually, tonight, there's no losing team. I can't seriously decide on a winning team on a difference of 1%.

Thank you, chef, for your generosity...

Fuck the generosity, Matt. Both teams think of one individual, up for elimination, to leave Hell's Kitchen tonight. Now, piss off.

(interview) Chef Ramsay still wants two people chosen, and I'm going to be the one chosen for the blue team, and now I'm packing my bags.

Matt, you've peaked, right?

No, chef, I haven't peaked yet.

So why should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?

Chef, I should stay in Hell's Kitchen because I was pushed and bullied off of my section tonight, while others on my team was hiding behind one person.

Who pushed you off your section?

Bobby pushed me off of my section.

You hid behind Bobby!

Ben hides behind Bobby! Not me.

He took over your section!

He pushed me off my section, would not let me back on...

Look at the size of you! There's 250 pounds in there. Louross's balls are bigger than yours!

I don't even have a voice in my kitchen, no one listens to me. I guarantee you, if you put me on the red team, you will see the failure in the blue team.

You want to cook with the girls?

I have no shame in working with women in the kitchen chef.

Un-fucking-real.

Now, listen up. There's been some great rivalries out there. Yankees versus Red Sox.

Go Yankees!

Tyson versus Holyfield, yes? Now, ladies and gentlemen, Matt versus Ben! Let's go.

Ben! Quickly, here. [Ben slowly comes to the pass] Look at him, speedy, quickly, yeah? Just touch that, you can see how pink it is already. Fucking hell. I just want you to know what you're doing! None of you are communicating, no-one's going together, no-one's making eye contact, and no-one's reminding each other as a team!

Chef, I'm not used to the brigade system. It takes a little time to get adapted to it, and... that's it.

Hey, do you know what? You are so fucking sad. Every time I ask you something, you give me the limpest excuse, you know that.

I'm just being honest with you.

Yeah, I know that. I'm being fucking honest with you!

(to Jen) I love it. He's getting his ass kicked tonight.

You're one of the most fucking saddest I've ever met in a fucking kitchen. "It takes a little time. I can't get used to this." Sounds like the fucking weirdo on Dr Phil!

Come on man! What’s the matter?

I’m about to snap with you!

Oh, fucking hell, what is she doing? Put the pan down! Put it down! Put the pan down! Just fucking let go. Look, this-this is where you are. Just-just stop, this is where you are. Touch that. [Jen walks away] Hey, hey, just come here! Fucking come here! All of you. That's you as well, stroppy face. I don't know what it is with you, but you've given up and it fucking shows! Just the way you mope, the way you turn, and the fucking chips on your shoulder. I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

(interview) Well, what the fuck? You don't want me say nothing so I'm not going to say shit! Now, that I'm not saying nothing, you're pissed off because I'm not saying nothing. I just can't win for losing!

Touch that!

It's shit.

Yeah, it's shit. [throws the langoustine at Matt] Fucking right, it's shit! (to Matt) Did it hurt?

No, chef.

Fucking sue me! Hey, look at me, hey. Because the response is fucking shocking. No-one gives a damn! Now I've got raw, stone-cold, fucking langoustine! Raw, stone-cold LANGOUSTINE!

Yes, chef. I’m going to fix it right now.

One minute. One minute. You got too much oil.

Hey! Calm chef! Take your fucking garnish back!

How long for those two wellingtons?

I have that wellington, chef.

Come here, you. What is going on? You've got one. Which one have you got?

I've got both of the wellingtons.

Listen to me. Which one is ready?

There is nothing ready on that ticket yet.

I'm aware you've GOT them! I need to tell the customers how fucking long.

Give me six minutes, please, chef.

For a well-done wellington?

Yes, chef. (interview) Back at home, I ran kitchens for years and, you know, no problem. It's just that he comes over there and gets so fucking riled up, and then he gets you all fluster-fucked, and you don't know what you're doing! (to Petrozza) Petrozza, where's the mise-en-place for the lamb? Because I'm going to be three short.

What?

I'll wrap you some lamb, just as soon as I-

(to Ben) Hey, come here you! SAY THAT AGAIN?! What time did that ticket come on?

6:30.

And what time is it now?

[looks at the wall clock] 8 o'clock.

You're joking are you? We ran out of lamb? They've fired the fucking entrées, and you're telling me now?

I got it, chef. I'll take care of it.

Ohhh, fucking hell...

Damn, Jen. And I was the problem over there? (interview) Ben wanted to use me as a scapegoat and put me out there. Said that I'm the weakest, and I hide behind everyone. The scapegoat's there, and you got no-one to blame. You can't cook, buddy!

(to Ben) Can you fucking wake up? I'm coming to the end of it, now!

What table is that?

Uhm, blue side, chef. They're requested well done, and it's blood all over.

Oh, fucking hell. Ohhh... (to Ben) There you go, there you go! (dumps the plates on Ben's station) Requested well done! Now look at it, then. Schmuck! JERK! (kicks the bins)

(interview) I have a lot of pride in myself and what I do. I'm just going to keep working and try and get the food out. That's all you can do.

Anything to say? It's easy for you, that's your fucking problem! You've had it fucking easy, you're not even busting a gut.

(to the Red Team) Karma really bites you in the ass.

All fucking night you've taken it easy! (Matt snickers) And listen, hey, look at me. STOP IT! Switch it off. You're not sending any more shit out of here, you've sent enough. Take it easy, you deserve it. You've had a hard night.

Are we done? Cause if we're not, I'm going to complete my station tonight, chef.

SHUT IT DOWN! TURN IT OFF, YOU DICK! (Matt snickers again) STOP IT!

Okay, two beef, one wellington, one salmon.

Yes, chef!

(points to Matt) You, come here you! Come here, round here! Look at those pieces of meat there. You've got one fucking large one, one medium one and one small one. What are you doing?

(interview) Matt's meat, all three were totally different. Are you serious?

That's not good enough for me. So there you go. There's the daddy, there's the mummy, there's the fucking baby. Supposing that's the critic's table; one has that (large piece of beef) and another's got that (small piece of beef). [Picks up the small piece] Supposing that's medium-well. What happens?

It'll definitely shrink. (interview) The tenderloins really do shrink when they cook. I know better than that. I'm an idiot.

Look at it! We're fucked! [pounds the counter] What did I say to you? I'm looking for everything.

Yes, chef. Got it, chef.

Don't piss around now, yeah? That's bullshit!

Yes, chef.

Hey, Mr Inconsistent. Wake up.

Yes, chef!