[Stan attempts to drive away, but his car is stuck in the mud. He calls out to a man who is walking with a donkey.]
Hey you! Uh, Donkey Boy! Give me a hand with my car, will ya?
MMan
Here in 1863, I have never heard tell of a "car." Tell me, what is this magic wheel-box?
C'mon, Steve, you're a mechanic for Pete' sake! Cut me some slack!
MMan
"Slack?" I am unfamiliar with this bold new expression!
I can't take it anymore. [grabbing the man by the collar] I'm getting dumber every second I'm here!
[Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland run over, batons drawn]
BlubsAre we gonna have to intervene here?
Oh, look. The "constable!" What are you gonna do? Throw me in "ye stocks?" [laughs]
[Cut to Stan being locked in the stocks]
[Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland are chasing Dipper Mabel and Quentin Trembley across the top of a train after the three escaped from a crate]
Blubs
There is .... No escape! [out of breath] I gotta take a knee.
Are you ok? Can I get you anything?
Blubs
Edward Durland you are a diamond in the rough.
Sheriff Blubs do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?
Blubs
I got no choice. Our orders come from the very top.
Wait. Quentin did you ever sign an official resignation?
No sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window.
Wait. Wait. Stop everything. I’ve got something to say.
Blubs
Not this guy again.
Just wait! Look! You guys all think Gideon is so perfect and honest, "Oh. I can never tell a lie, I’m Gideon."
Blubs
He’s more honest than you.
Yeah! And he’s psychic too.
How’s this for psychic? BAM! [kicks a metal stab revealing a control panel inside] Take a good look.
Wait a minute? Is that me? [on the monitor] The secret ingredient to my coffee omelette is coffee.
DDoctor
[on the monitor] I can verify that that birthmark is indeed disgusting.
EEveryone
That’s me! That’s me! That’s me!
That's right; these pins are hidden cameras! And my hearing aid was picking up the feedback! Who's the fraud now?
[Stan crushes the pin which indeed has a hidden camera inside. Everyone throws down their pins]
Gideon, we gave you our trust.
MDManly Dan
You lied to us.
Please, I... It's not what it looks like. What are you gonna do with me?
Get him. [sniffs] Get him.
Blubs
Lil' Gideon, you are under arrest for conspiracy, fraud and breaking our hearts. Durland, the tiny handcuffs.
[Durland handcuffs him] What?! No!
[Stan picks him up and shakes him] Let go of me! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[retrieves Journal Number Two and the deed to the Mystery Shack] I believe this belongs to me.
[gets loaded into a police car] No! No! Watch the hair! You can't do this to me! Y'all are sheep! You need me! I'll be back! You'll hear from my lawyers!
SShandra
There you have it. Local hero Stanford Pines has just exposed Li'l Gideon as a fraud. Anything you have to say to the town, Stanford?
The Mystery Shack is back, baby!
[As Bill Cipher towers over Gravity Falls and its citizens]
All right, listen up, you one-lifespan, three-dimensional, five-sense skin puppets! For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill. But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity.
[he melts the statue of Nathaniel Northwest]
Now meet the gang of interdimensional criminals and nightmares I call my friends. [as various creatures come out of the scar in the sky] 8 Ball. Kryptos. The being whose name must never be said. Haha, what the heck? It's Zanthar. Then, of course, there's also Teeth, Keyhole, Hectorgon, Amorphous Shape, Pyronica, Paci-Fire and these guys. This is our town now, boys! [all his friends start cackling out loud]
Now see here, you unholy triangle fella! As mayor, I strongly urge you to git... git on out of here!
Yeah! Things with one eye are weird!
We don't like out-of-towners!
MDManly Dan
[ripping a mailbox in half] AND WE PUNCH WHAT WE DON'T UNDERSTAND!
NMr. Northwest
I would just like to say that as a rich capitalist, I welcome your tyrannical rule. Perhaps I could be one of your... Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
NMr. Northwest
Not now, sweetie. The grownups are talking.
Oh, wow, that's a great offer. How 'bout instead, I shuffle the functions of every hole in your face?
[He clicks his fingers, and Mr. Northwest's face is suddenly grotesquely mixed up; he falls to the ground, giving out muffled screams as his family watches in horror; Bill cackles as people flee, and turns Deputy Durland to stone]
Sheriff Blubs
Durland! My precious Deputy Durland, no! [one of the "Eye-Bats" transports Durland away]
It's time we do a little redecorating! I could really use a castle of some kind! [causes a pyramid to form and float in the sky] And how about some bubbles of PURE MADNESS?! [summons colourful bubbles; one passes through Sprott, making him scream madly and rip his shirt apart] This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside-down and I reign supreme! Welcome, one and all, to WEIRDMAGEDDON!
Gravity Falls · 241 quotes
