Puck quotes from Glee

Will

All right guys, let's get down to business. First, let's welcome back Noah Puckerman. [to Puck] Puck, I hope your time in juvie has taught you a lesson or two about right and wrong.

Are you kidding me? I ruled that place. All I did was crack skulls and lift weights all day.

Quinn

Wow, what a catch. I can't believe I ever let you go.

You two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around 7 and if we don't find hotter chicks to date, we might show up.

Santana

You are so cool.

I flex my left pec, then I flex my right pec, and I say to the guy, ‘Leggo my Eggo.' And you know what he does? He lets go of my Eggo!

Santana

You should be our nation's president.

Will

[turns around and sees everyone as little kids] Okay, I definitely have a fever.

Looking good Puckerman. Someone's been eating their Wheaties.

[kisses his muscles] These guns are fully loaded.

Young Rachel

Mr Schue? I for one think we should use our set list for Sectionals to explore the ouevre of one Bernadette Peters.

Young Brittany

Someday, I'm going to Paris to visit the Oeuvre.

Young Mike

I just want to dance.

Young Mercedes

Mr. Schuester? You look a little green.

Rachel

Did I just hear something about a substitute? [slips and falls]

Yes! It works!

Rachel

[gets up and fixes herself] Well, at least I didn't fall and break my talent. I'm fine.

I'm Finn Hudson, the goofy Quarterback,

Santana

I'm Rachel Berry, his loud-mouth girlfriend.

Brittany

I'm Mike Chang.

Mike

[nods]

Mr. Schue, I want to do that new Cee Lo song Forget You.

Will

No. Come on, guys! There has to be a Journey song we haven't done yet!

Rachel.. you suck! Oh my God, you're like a total drag! Has anyone ever told you that?

(passes by)I have.

Finn

What the hell, dude? How about you talk with me about this first?

Kurt

I'm sorry Finn, but there's nothing to talk about. Karofsky's coming back tomorrow, so that means I won't be.

Sam

We can protect you.

Seriously. We can form a perimeter around you, like the Secret Service.

Finn

Yeah.

Kurt

The only thing that can really protect me is what they have at Dalton: a zero-tolerance no bullying policy.

Rachel

I can't believe that teacher let those students speak to us like that.

I can't believe she threw a shoe at us.

Artie

Brittany still believes in Santa Claus.

Mercedes

(holds in a laugh) You cannot be serious.

Sam

Last week, Brittany believed a comb had magic powers. This is kind of a pattern.

Quinn

She's gonna find out sooner or later.

Rachel

(looking at Finn)

Finn

(decorating the tree)

Rachel

Do you mind, um, meeting me at the auditorium tomorrow at four?

Finn

Sure.

Lauren

Someone's gotta break the news to her.

Uh uh. Not me. I mean I'm cruel and all but that's just hardcore.

Artie

That's my point. Hear me out. Remember how excited you get when you would think about Santa Claus? How awesome it was? Christmas was the highlight of the year. Why wouldn't you want to keep someone's world magical for a little longer?

Mike

How?

Artie

I got it all figured out.

Finn

So how much did we raise?

$210 bucks and that's after my cut.

Finn

(frowns)

I'm kidding.

Rachel

Now that you're divorced and Ms. Pillsbury married another guy, I guess you'll be spending Christmas alone.

Will

Yes Rachel, I am.

Rachel

Well I know how painful being alone can be so if you want you can come over to my house. We're going to eat Chinese food and watch the Main Event.

Will

Well thanks Rachel but I think I'm going to pass. Nothing wrong with being alone.

We're dudes. It's weird. Getting all hot and bothered about singing a Ke$ha song.

Maybe it won't so weird when I go Tik Tok on your face.

[to Rachel] You ready?

Rachel

[takes her mouth guard out of her mouth] Let's kick some ass!!

Santana

[turns to Lauren] Whoa! Okay, I'm sorry. You just got eyes for my man.

Okay, first of all, I'm not your man.

Quinn

And Finn is right. All you ever do is insult us. Three weeks ago, you said you were disappointed that I didn't have a lizard baby.

Tina

Five minutes ago, you said Mr. Schue belonged into a twelve step program.

Will

Wait, what?

Santana

You're addicted to vests.

Rachel

The truth is, Santana, you can dish it out but you can't take it. Okay maybe you're right. Maybe I'm destined to play the title role in the Broadway musical of Willow, but the only job you're gonna have is working on a pole.