Santana Lopez quotes from Glee

Santana

[crying] How could my running mate win and I didn't? I mean, just because I hate everyone doesn't mean they have to hate me too.

Brittany

It's just a stupid crown. You can buy it at the Party Store.

Santana

Can't I just have one night when I'm queen?

Santana

Where I'm accepted?

Kurt'

No way.

Quinn

There's no way I'm staying here. I'm going to transfer.

Santana

As soon as we get to New York I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony, or Tribeca.

Jesse

I was writing notes about how you didn't have enough emotion in the song.

Santana

Oh, is that so? Well I happen to have some feedback for you!

Will

Thank you, Santana.

Santana

I'm about to go all Lima Heights on you.

Rachel

How do you get that raspiness?

Santana

So nice. I smoke cigars.

Santana

[groans and knocks on the bathroom door] Quinn, quit hogging the bathroom! I needs to re-pencil my eyebrows on. [turns to Brittany] I mean, doesn't she-

Quinn

[opens the door and walks out] It's all yours.

Santana

Everyone's already in the other room working.

Quinn

Oh yeah? Is Mr. Schue in there? Because I think I'm going to tell him that Rachel and Kurt keep sneaking off together.

Brittany

You can't do that. He'll have to suspend them.

Quinn

And there goes our chances at nationals. Darn!

Santana

You know what? We get it. You're pissed about Finn dumping your sweet ass. Get over it.

Quinn

I don't want to get over it! Okay?

Santana

The only person that you're sabotaging is yourself.

Quinn

I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID SHOW CHOIR COMPETITION!

Santana

Well you should because this is the one chance that we have to actually feel good about ourselves!

Quinn

[begins to cry] Aren't we suppose to be the popular girls? So why can't we have our dreams come true? Rachel has Finn, Tina has Mike, and even Lauren's hooked up. [sits on a bed and Santana and Brittany sit next to her] I just wanted for somebody to love me.

Santana

I think I know how to make you feel better.

Quinn

I'm flattered Santana, but I'm really not that into that.

Santana

No, no I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a haircut.

Brittany

Yes, totally.

Brittany

[walks up to Santana] Hey, you still pissed?

Santana

[holds up a voodoo doll] Do you think this voodoo doll looks enough like Rachel Berry to actually work?

Brittany

Come on, we can't be mad at Rachel forever.

Santana

Uh, yes we can. How could you possibly be so clam?

Brittany

I hated losing just as much as everyone but this year wasn't about winning for me.

Santana

Clearly, cause we got our asses kicked.

Brittany

Yeah.

Santana

Sorry. Was was it about?

Brittany

Acceptance. I know that all the kids in the glee club they fight and steal each others boyfriends and girlfriends and they threaten to quit like every other week. But weird stuff like that happens in families.

Santana

Yeah, well this a club. This not a family.

Brittany

OK well, family is a place where everybody loves you no matter what. And they accept you for who you are. I know I'm going to be a bridesmaid at Mike and Tina's wedding. And I'm going to be anxiously waiting just like everybody else to see if their babies are Asian too. When they find an operation to make Artie's legs work again, I'm going to be there for his first steps. I love them, I love everyone in glee club and I get to spend another year with the people I love. So, I'm good.

Santana

What about you and I?

Brittany

I love you Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that because of that, I think any thing's possible.

Santana

You're my best friend.

Brittany

Yeah, me too.

Quinn

Senior year and I've finally found myself. Not sure what the tipping point was; dyeing my hair, the nose ring, my ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest. But one thing I know, I'm never going back.

Santana

Quinn, look, this is our senior year. And frankly, being on the Cheerios isn't the same without you.

Quinn

You guys are such suckers for going back to Sue Sylvester.

Santana

Come on, screw her. This is for us. We can win two National championships this year. We joined Cheerios together, we joined Glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life.

Brittany

Yeah, come on, Quinn. We used to be the Three Musketeers. Now Santana and I are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray.

Quinn

You guys never understood the pressure I was under. It sucked. I'm not interested in the boys, or the makeup, or the polyester outfits.

Santana

Look, I've got a bar of soap and a bottle of peroxide with your name on it in my locker. Come on, Quinn. You can't break up the Unholy Trinity.

Quinn

People grow apart. Deal with it. I've got new friends now, and they accept me for who I am.

Brittany

I have pepperoni in my bra.

Santana

Those are your nipples.

Brittany

The poster that you wanted gave me crippling depression.

Kurt

I wanted something toned down!

Santana

This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you.

Kurt

[turns to Santana and Brittany] AND STOP PUTTING UP THOSE POSTERS! [leaves]

Brittany

I failed my precious unicorn.

Santana

No! Look, this campaign is brilliant.

Brittany

Really?

Santana

Completely! If he doesn't get it then he doesn't deserve to have you as his campaign manager. There's no one like you. You're a genius, Brittany. You are the unicorn.

Santana

I also think you should wait. Speaking from experience Finn's terrible in bed.

Tina

That's terrible to say, Santana.

Santana

What? If Rachel wants my sloppy seconds, she should at least know the truth. Look, it was like being smothered by a sweaty, out of breath sack of potatoes that somebody soaked in body spray.

Brittany

I lost my virginity at cheerleading camp. He just climbed into my tent. Alien invasion.

Rachel

Okay, you know what Santana? Finn is in great shape and your meanness only highlights your own insecurities.

Santana

Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator.

Santana

(To Finn) Hey Orca! (bumps into him)

Finn

Hey Santana! You look like an assless J-Lo.

Santana

(laughs)

Rory

You're skinny like all the crops failed on your family's farm.

Santana

That is the lamest thing I didn't understand a word of.

Mercedes

Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: Adele.

Sugar

I sound just like her.

Brittany

I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings.

Santana

And now that we have that decision out of the way, I can stay focused on my one-sided battle of wits with the knuckle-dragger.

Mercedes

Santana, the dodgeball thing was fun until the end, but enough.

Santana

Oh no, honey, I'm just getting started.

Mercedes

I'm the leader of this group, and I'm telling you: Lay off those guys.

Santana

I'm sorry. The leader? Who died and made you queen, Aretha?

Mercedes

I brought you guys in and I came up with the idea for our mash-up while you were wasting time trying to figure out how to make Finn Hudson cry. So, I nominate myself as president of the Troubletones; all in favor?

Mercedes

You are a star member of this group, and you need to represent.

Brittany

[singsong] Stop the violence. [nudges Santana] Come on.

Santana

[smiles] All right. From now on, I'll be so nice cotton candy will melt in my mouth.

Santana

Hey Tubs! Can I talk to you for a second?

Rory

Hey, listen here. You can't make fun of Finn anymore.

Santana

Shut your potato hole, I'm here to apologize. [to Finn] Rachel's right, I haven't been fair to you. You're not fat. I should know, I slept with you. I mean, at some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who's had one too many back alley liposuctions.

Rory

Whoa.

Santana

Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I'm trying to apologize to Lumps The Clown. I am sorry, Finn. I mean, really, I'm sorry that the New Directions are gonna get crushed by the Troubletones. And also sorry that you have no talent. Sorry that you sing like you're getting your prostate checked, and you dance like you've been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel's coattails for the rest of your life, although, you know what, I would just watch out for her come holiday time if I were him, because if I were her, I'd stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights. [walks away]

Finn

Hey Santana, why don't you just come out of the closet? [Santana stops walking and becomes shocked; Finn begins to approach her] You know, I think I know why you're so good at tearing everybody else down. It's because you're constantly tearing yourself down because you can't admit to everybody that you're in love with Brittany, and she might not love you back. That must hurt, not to be able to admit to everyone how you really feel. You know what I think you are? A coward. [walks away]