I think I have a bun in the oven. Please don't tell anyone. Okay? Especially Artie. [closes her locker and leaves]
SantanaYeah, sure. Your secret's safe with- Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
[overhears and joins her] Oh my God, Brittany's pregnant.
[walking with Lauren and overhears] It was only a matter of time.
Brittany to get pregnant.
Oh. [sees Artie wheeling by] Congratulations!
You didn't hear? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're going to be a baby daddy!
In the chorus room:
All right, folks. Regionals is in a week. It's time to get deep into our set list. Artie? You okay?
[still in shock] My life is over. How am I suppose to support a baby? [turns to Brittany] How could you not tell me about this?
Wait, Brittany, are you pregnant?
Definitely. I'm so sorry, Artie. I didn't want to upset you. I thought I could surprise you when I dropped him off. I'm pretty sure it's a boy.
Um, babies don't get dropped off.
Wait, Brittany, have you been to a doctor yet? That's the only way to be sure.
I don't need to go to a doctor. I just need to look outside my window. Three days ago, a stork built its nest on top of my garage. I'm not stupid. It's obviously getting ready to bring me my baby. I know where babies come from.
Santana
[looks at Brittany in shock]
[smiles and shakes his head]
Santana
Look, let's be clear here. I'm not interested in any labels, unless it's on something I shoplift.
I don't know. Santana, I think we should talk to somebody, like an adult. This relationship is really confusing for me.
Santana
Breakfast is confusing for you.
Well, sometimes it's sweet, sometime it's salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner? Then what is it?
Santana
[walks to Brittany] Hi.
Santana
Can we talk?
Santana
I know but, um, I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in Glee club.
Santana
'Cause it's made me do a lot of thinking. What I realize is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings, feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with...because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't.
Santana
Do you understand what I'm trying to say here?
Santana
I want to be with you. But I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school.
Yeah, but honey...if anyone were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words.
Santana
[sniffles and begins to cry] Yeah, I know. But...I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept...that I love you. I love you. And I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please...
Of course I love you. I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie.
Santana
Artie?
I love him too. I don't want to hurt him. That's not right. I can't break up with him.
Santana
Yes, you can. He's just a stupid boy.
But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single... [tries to touch Santana's arm]
Santana
[pulls her arm away] Don't.
I am so yours. Proudly so.
Santana
Yeah, wow. Whoever thought that being fluid meant that you could be so stuck?
Don't. I'm sorry -- [tries to hug Santana]
Santana
[pushes her away] Get off me. [leaves]
So what are we going to do now?
I think we should write original songs for Regionals.
Santana
All those in favor of voting Rachel down a second time?
[Everyone raises their hands except Quinn, Finn and Puck.]
Santana
[looks at Brittany then back to her locker]
Can I ask you a question? We use to be really close and I really miss being your friend.
Santana
Still waiting for the question.
Did I do something wrong?
Santana
No. Look, I don't know. Did you? All I know is you blew me off to be with Stubbles McCripplePants. That's fine. It's your loss. 'Cause now I get the chance to write an awesome heterosexual song about Sam that we're going to sing at Regionals.
Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you told me you were in love with me.
Santana
I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Could you stop staring at me? I can't remember my locker combo.
Well well. If it isn't Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Fake Boobs.
You know you can't talk to us like that. You're not our cheer coach anymore.
I'm not anybody's cheerleading coach anymore.
Santana
The truth about what?
None of your business, J Lo.
Santana
First of all, anything you do became my business when you decided to toss that slushie up in my grill.
I think I can take a couple of queers and a girl.
Santana
Ha. See here's whats gonna go down. Two choices: You stay here and I crack one of your nuts--right or left, that's your choice. Or you walk away and live to be a douchebag another day. Oh, and also, I have razor blades hidden in my hair. [gestures to her hair] Yeah, just all up in here.
We could have handled that.
Santana
It was more fun doing it together.
Santana
Hold up, could we all just get real here for a second? I hear that Rachel has a bit of a schnoz. I mean I wouldn't know because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things we don't want to change about ourselves? I'm sure that Sam has been at the doctor's office and riffled through pamphlets on mouth reductions. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not really using them anyway. And I'm definitely sure Tina has looked into eye de-slanting.
That's extraordinarily racist.
Santana
Just keeping it real.
Sorry Santana, I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I would never change a thing.
Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina? [whispers] Self hating Asian.
Not too many Asian sex symbols, Mike. I'm just trying to mirror what I see in magazines.
My dancing kind of bothers me. It almost killed Rachel but I like the way I look.
Santana
Oh please. You have weird puffy pyramid nipples.
[tries to look at Finn's nipples]
Santana
They look like they're filled with custard. Or you could dust them off with powdered sugar and pass it off as some sort of dessert. Look, maybe Rachel is fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds. All I'm saying is if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see, you should change it.
Glee · 1,090 quotes
