I made it.
With the New Directions:
“New York” · Season 2, Episode 22
In this episode: Rachel Berry (12), Finn Hudson (10), Kurt Hummel (6), Will Schuester (6), Santana Lopez (5), Brittany Pierce (5), Puck (4), Quinn Fabray (3)
[The New Directions are eating on the Red Stairs.]
A year and a half ago, the New Directions were nothing but a group of six misfits stumbling their way through a horrific rendition of "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat". Now, here we are at the top of the show choir heap. Nationals!
I wanna hit up Central Park, get my frolic on!
PPuck
I wanna throw stuff off the Brooklyn Bridge.
Guys hold on, I mean, we still have two songs to write.
Okay, Mr Bossypants. But I think we have some time for a tune before we leave. [begins to sing] Start spreading the news. [everyone begins to join in] I'm leaving today. I wanna be a part of it. New York, New York!
Guys, I have news. To celebrate our impending win at Nationals, I got us all thirteen tickets to Broadway's longest running show ever; Cats!
[Everyone begins to cheer.]
You might want to check the dates on those, Rachel, 'cause Cats closed about eleven years ago.
He did seem crazy. He charged my credit card through his butt crack.
Did you know New York City was built on top of Old York City?
I'm pretty sure that's not true.
Oh. I'm just pretty.
Hey.
Hi! I'm surprised at how well Quinn is taking the breakup. I guess I was wrong about her being a vindictive harpy.
I guess she just accepted the inevitable.
Or maybe she's just distracted by the awesomeness of New York! I know I am. Hey, do you know why it smells like it's wet here all the time?
Nope. So, what's going on with you and Jesse?
I don't know, he keeps texting me but I told him that I don't want to talk to him until I get back; no boys or distractions until we win that trophy. [leaves]
Hey Finn, where the hell's Puckerman?
Umm...[glances at Puck and Lauren]
PPuck
I'll have a Manhattan.
BBartender
Do you even know what's in a Manhattan?
PPuck
Yeah me, for the first time. Which is why I want to celebrate with a cocktail.
Did you know I could get ahi tartare and a steak sandwich at 3 in the morning from their all-night dining menu? I feel like Eloise.
I have pills for that.
Now, you are all on lockdown until you finish writing our songs for Nationals. I want at least two solid verses by the time I get back.
Aren't you going to help us?
I um, I will be back and read your amazing creations and give notes, but right now I have to head to the theatre to fill out some paper work.
[After Brittany finishes singing My Cup.]
'Tina: Hold on, are you singing about...a cup?
Yeah, totally.
[grabs her jacket] We gotta get out of here.
Wait, no, no, no. Mr. Schue gave us explicit instructions.
To write a song and our problem is our only inspiration are mattresses and bathroom cups.
PPuck
Quinn's right. We're in the artist capital of the world. Poets, musicians, actors, playwrights. Every dreamer that's lived has passed through this city. And if we want our dreams to come true, we need to be there out with them, not stuck in here.
Guys, I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, we've still got those songs to write and if we don't write them then we're gonna lose.
No, they're right! Can't you hear the city calling to you?
We don't need to write songs for Nationals. New York's going to write them for us.
PPuck
OK, can we just talk about the Jewish elephant in the room? Ask her out dude!
Who? Rachel? But she's totally into Jesse right now.
PPuck
You're in New York, the city of love.
[mouth full of food] I thought that was Paris.
PPuck
Anything's possible here, and you're going to ask her out tonight. Take her out on one of those big dates you see on unwatchable romantic comedies that you grow a vagina if you watch all the way through.
This is your shot, dude. If I was in a love with a girl, and I wasn't homeless, I'd totally go for it.
Hi.
Hi. What's so important?
Uh... [gives the flowers he's holding to Rachel] These are for you. I thought since we're both captains and all that we should write a duet for Nationals.
The tie, flowers, Central Park?
It's uh... a work date. Totally professional.
I like the way you dream so big, I don't know how to do that. You look so pretty tonight. Rachel, I have something to say to you.
Oh my God. It's Patti LuPone!
Excuse me? Um, miss LuPone? I have to say that you're my idol.
PLPatti LuPone
Well thank you, that's very sweet of you. Are you an actress?
Yes-- well, i'm... i'm in high school.
We're in town for the national showchoir championship.
PLPatti LuPone
I was in choir in high school! It was my favorite class! What's your name?
Rachel Berry.
PLPatti LuPone
Well Rachel Berry, promise me one thing: you'll never give up.
Yes, miss LuPone, I promise.
PLPatti LuPone
[shakes Rachel's hand] Good luck. [shakes Finn's hand] Good luck.
Thank you.
PLPatti LuPone
[to Rachel, whispering] He's cute.
Being in New York is like falling in love, over and over again, every minute. Tonight felt like one of those awesome nights that you see in those amazing romantic comedies. All we need now is some street singers to serenade us to make it perfect.
[Artie, Sam, Puck and Mike begin to sing Bella Notte.]
Wait, this is the moment in those romantic comedies where I kiss you.
[to Rachel] We have to go in. Strike that. We have to break in.
[groans and knocks on the bathroom door] Quinn, quit hogging the bathroom! I needs to re-pencil my eyebrows on. [turns to Brittany] I mean, doesn't she-
[opens the door and walks out] It's all yours.
Everyone's already in the other room working.
Oh yeah? Is Mr. Schue in there? Because I think I'm going to tell him that Rachel and Kurt keep sneaking off together.
You can't do that. He'll have to suspend them.
And there goes our chances at nationals. Darn!
You know what? We get it. You're pissed about Finn dumping your sweet ass. Get over it.
I don't want to get over it! Okay?
The only person that you're sabotaging is yourself.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOME STUPID SHOW CHOIR COMPETITION!
Well you should because this is the one chance that we have to actually feel good about ourselves!
[begins to cry] Aren't we suppose to be the popular girls? So why can't we have our dreams come true? Rachel has Finn, Tina has Mike, and even Lauren's hooked up. [sits on a bed and Santana and Brittany sit next to her] I just wanted for somebody to love me.
I think I know how to make you feel better.
I'm flattered Santana, but I'm really not that into that.
No, no I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a haircut.
Yes, totally.
I love my kids.
DDustin
What? No you don't. They're hideous. My kids are at least attractive. Yours look like they haven't been baked properly.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Glee pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.