Santana Lopez quotes from Glee

Santana

What did you just say to her? [points at Rachel]

Finn

I said I thought you were great.

Santana

No, you're lying.

Rachel

No. He literally just said that.

Santana

(at Finn) You told her too?

Will

[stands up] Santana.

Santana

(at Finn) Everyone's gonna know now, because of you.

Finn

The whole school already knows. And you know what? They don't care.

Santana

Not just the school, you idiot. Everyone!

Finn

What are you talking abo-

Finn

We're all worried about you.

Santana

Worry about yourself, fetus face.

Finn

I don't want you to die. A few weeks ago, some kid who made one of those It Gets Better videos killed himself.

Santana

Thanks, but that's never going to happen. I'd miss me too much.

Saw the commercial. Smokin'!

Santana

Who the hell are you?

Josh Coleman. Sophomore rugby captain. Girls like you are a challenge. You just need the right guy to straighten you out and I'm just the man to do it.

Santana

I just heard the news that Trouty Mouth is back in town. I've been keeping a notebook, just in case this day ever came. Welcome back, Lisa Rinna. I've missed you so much since your family has pack their bags, loaded them into your mouth and skipped town. Can't tell you how many times I've wanted to enjoy a crisp pickle but couldn't find anyone to suck the lid off the jar. I assume you've been working as a baby polisher where young mothers place their infants' heads in your mouth to get back that newborn shine. So glad you're back. I haven't seen a smile that big since a clyamation abominable snowman got his teeth pulled by that little gay elf dentist. Love, Santana.

Sam

[smiles] I missed you too, Santana. [hugs her]

Will

You're messing with adult things here, Santana. This is my job. This is my life.

Santana

And this is my education, and it's not a joke to me, although it seems to be one to you.

Will

What are you talking about? They all loved my performance.

Santana

Because they don't know any better. It's your fault. You're their teacher. You went from "La Cucaracha" to a bullfighting mariachi. Why don't you just dress up as the Taco Bell chihuahua and bark the theme to Dora the Explorer? You don't even know enough to be embarassed about these stereotypes that you're perpetuating.

Will

That's not fair!

Santana

Isn't it? What did you want to be when you grew up? Why did you become a spanish teacher, Mr. Shue?

Will

Because... it was the only teaching position open at the time.

Santana

I want to remind you of something an amazing teacher once taught me: without passion, you can't succeed.

Will

Who taught you that?

Santana

You did. And you do. When you teach Glee.

Sue

Hold it right there, Sandbags. You and I need to have a serious chat. Now I realize when I chose Becky as co-captain for the Cheerios! it might have rubbed you the wrong way.

Santana

Wanky.

Sue

And I've often admired the craven heartlessness of your pointless, vindictive back-stabbing. Kind of takes me back to the old salad days. But you crossed the Maginot Line when you started messing with Sue Sylvester's family.

Santana

What are you talking about? What family?

Sue

You lodged a complaint about my teaching tactics with Principal Figgins, possibly derailing my bid for tenure just when I'm trying to have a baby!

Santana

A baby? With whose vagina?!

Brittany

[walks up to Santana with her laptop] Happy Valentine's Day.

Santana

You're giving me your computer for Valentine's Day?

Brittany

It's a playlist, with all of the songs that I hear in my head when I'm with you or when I'm thinking about you. I wanted to make you a CD for Valentine's Day, this is as far as I got without any help. Oh, and I made you a cover/ [shows Santana the album cover of the playlist, a picture of Santana hugging Brittany]

Santana

[smiles] Brittany, thank you.

Brittany

You're welcome.

Figgins

Teen Lesbians! I must see you in my office right now!

Santana

This is such bull crap! Why can't Brittany and I kiss in public, 'cause we're two girls?

Figgins

Please don't make this about your sapphic orientation.

Artie

I want to be there to see my kid's first steps.

Sugar

I want to be there to see Sex & The City Part 3.

Wow.

I'm sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I really do want to graduate high school.

Finn

I'm going to petition the Army to change my dad's dishonorable discharge status to an honorable one.

Quinn

I'm looking forward to graduating from Yale at the top of my class.

Santana

I'm looking forward to the day when my grandmother loves me again.

Brittany

I want Lord Tubbington to kick his ecstasy addiction.

Blaine

I'm looking forward to marriage equality in all fifty states.

MIke

I'm looking forward to the first time I dance at Carnegie Hall.

Tina

I just want a song.

We all know why we're here. I've waited five years for this. I want ideas for Senior Ditch Day. Go.

Kurt

Ooh! A Gershwin/Sondheim scavenger hunt!

Santana

[scoffs] That sounds like torture.

I want actual ideas, Kurt.

Mike

Footloose marathon. Footloose, Footloose 2011.

Mercedes

What about a non-alcoholic pub crawl?

It's Senior Ditch Day, not Senior Citizen's Ditch Day.

Brittany

It's springtime. I would like to see something give birth. [Tina and Quinn smile and giggle.]

Rachel

[begins to cry] Quinn, I'm so sorry. It was my wedding you were going to when you got in your car crash. And you were answering my text message and now we're all sitting here, we're talking about this day that's suppose to be the most amazing and unforgettable day of our high school lives. And we're completely ignoring the fact that she's sitting in that chair. [shakes her head] It's not right. It's not right and it shouldn't be like this.

Quinn

Well, maybe not, but this is the way it is. My accident, which you did not cause by the way, doesn't define me or ruin our senior year. I meant what I said in the choir room. I'm not going to dwell on this and neither should any of you. Okay? [to Rachel] Come here.

Artie

This is bad. Never in the history of show choir competitions has anyone ever fainted.

Sam

We got the juice. We got the juice.

Marley

No, I'm okay.

Kitty

Drink the damn juice!

Finn

Marley are you okay? What happened?

Jake

She hasn't been eating. She's skipping lunch.

Santana

Is that because you've been telling her too? You're trying to turn her into a damn rexy?

Kitty

What? No. Why would I- why would I want that?

Santana

Because you're a crazy evil bitch.

Will

Hey Marley, are you alright?

Finn

The nurse is on the way, Mr. Schue.

Will

Santana, Puck, you stay here with Marley. The rest of you guys get back up there. Leaving the stage mid-competition for any reason is risking immediate disqualification.

Finn

What?! That-That's a Rule?

Sue

Yeah, it's a rule. One of the bylaws actually. As all of you were spiraling into a self-created k-hole of crazy, the judges, by unanimous vote have declared the Warblers victorious. Hey, congratulations Finn Hudson. For the first time in its charmed yet pitiful existence, the New Directions has lost Sectionals. But here's the good news, Christmas came early for one Sue Sylvester.

Kurt

Are we all set in there?

Santana

If by all set, do you mean did I light the candy cane scented candles on the toilet, then yes, we're all set.

Will

Thank you for coming to the first annual New Directions' Regionals nominations party.

Artie

What's the point, Mr. Schue? Coach Sylvester's one of the judges. She's going to crush us.

Will

Artie, you don't know that.

Santana

Yes, we do, she told us at Cheerios practice.

Brittany

Yeah, she said, "I'm going to crush Glee Club".

A whole freaking year. All that hard work for nothing.

Tina

[Crying] I'm sorry. I just really love you guys. You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two. My parents. Rachel was right. Being a part of something special-it made me special. I just can't believe it's going to be over in a week.

Finn

Wait, who says it's going to be over?

Mercedes

Please. You think Puck and Santana are going to even acknowledge my existence once we're not in Glee Club together anymore?

She has a point.

Rachel

Mr. Schuester? Do you think instead of nominating songs, we can just...all go around the room and talk about things we loved about Glee Club this year? [has tears going down her face]

Rachel

[to Will] So, we have something we need to say to you.

In the beginning of this year I was just another football player.

Tina

I had a stutter.

Mercedes

I was a closeted diva.

Quinn

I used to be captain of the Cheerios.

Mike

I was afraid to dance outside my room.

Santana

I hated everyone in this club.

Brittany

So did I.

Kurt

I wasn't honest about who I was.

I was tossing guys into dumpsters.

Artie

I had never kissed a girl before

Rachel

And I was getting slushied.

Finn

I didn't--I didn't have a father. Someone I could look up to. Model myself after. Someone who could show me what it really meant to be a man.

Rachel

We don't care what the judges say. We won. Because we had you as a teacher.

Mercedes

And Glee Club will never end, Mr. Schue, because you are Glee Club. And you're in all of us now.

Mercedes

Hi Santana! How many solos did you get in glee club last year?

Santana

A few.

Mercedes

One. Valerie. And I loved it.

Santana

I was also the lips in Rocky Horror.

Mercedes

Listen, if you and I were in Shelby's group we'd get all the solos and the duets.

Santana

And why would I care about all girl?