Santana Lopez quotes from Glee

Santana

[to Rachel] My psychic Mexican third eye is never wrong.

Santana

Rachel, you can't just blow past this like nothing ever happened. This is a wake-up call. This is an opportunity for you to take a hard look at the choices that you're making, where your life is heading.

Santana

I don't even think you need all of these beauty products, Rachel because they're not really having the desired effect unless your goal is to look like a reject from the "Shahs of Sunset."

Santana

The last thing I want to do is pay 30 grand a year to get a degree for doing something that I'm already freaking Wonder Woman at.

Santana

I need this job. I’m saving up to buy a noose to hang myself.

Santana

She will chew you up and spit you out like a Jewish Hillary Clinton.

Santana

Here's the deal, pixie-boy. You've got a crush on my girl, Brittany. I understand. She's beautiful, she's innocent, she's everything that's good in this miserable, stinking world.

Santana

Brittany thinks you're a sprightly green mythological creature,but I know you're a potato-eating poser. But since Brittany likes having a pet Irish, I'm not going to explode you.

Santana

Leprechaun starring a young Jen Aniston is my favorite movie. It learned me two things. One: Leprechauns like fixing shoe buckles because they're gay. And two, they grant wishes. So you're gonna grant me a wish.

Santana

You are such a bacon-wrapped bug-eyed hypocrite. It's freaking hilarious how jealous of Blaine you are. Every time he opens his dreamboat acapella mouth, you're just itching to kick him right in the Warblers.

Brittany

Did you see what Rachel was wearing today?

Santana'

Oh, I know! She looked like Pippi Longstocking, but like, Israeli.

Rachel

Can I ask you guys something private?

Santana

Yes, you should move to Israel.

I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and then lost all his strength.

Santana

Samson?

Agassi.

I mean, it's just a mohawk, right? I'm still Pucksaurus.

Santana

Actually, I don't know if it's the missing mohawk or the whining, but I'm totally not turned on by you right now.

Finn

This so isn't you.

Tina

I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.

Will

Tina, are there any other looks you can try?

Santana

Biker chick?

Finn

Cowgirl?

Mercedes

Hoodrat.

Quinn

Computer programmer?

Brittany

Cross-country skier.

Catholic schoolgirl?

Brittany

Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.