Finn Hudson quotes from Glee

Rachel

[to Sunshine] You're a terrible spy.

Artie

Seriously, with your size, you could easily sit in the air ducts for days.

I'm not a spy. I heard about your benefit concert on Facebook and I wanted to preform. I know what it feels like to be an academic decathlon. No one pays attention to you. No one cares. It's not right. We studied so hard.

Quinn

Yeah but you're with Vocal Adrenaline. How do we know we can trust you?

Because I have nothing against all of you. I have 600 Twitter followers. I can get them all to come.

Finn

How many tickets have we sold so far?

Four. No one's interested. It's sad.

Please, just let me show you what I can do. I would like to sing the perfect song of neglect, All By Myself. I'm such a better singer than everyone else so I know how it feels. I'm all alone at the top. Also, I'm really short, so even when I'm in a group of people I feel like I'm wandering alone in a forest.

Rachel

There's no way she's singing in our auditorium, okay? She's the enemy.

I say we give her chance. I mean, you owe her Rachel. You sent her to a freakin' crackhouse.

Rachel

[sighs exasperatedly]

Finn

What's that saying? The show's gotta go all over the place or something.

Rachel

You mean the show's got to go on.

Santana

Hold up, could we all just get real here for a second? I hear that Rachel has a bit of a schnoz. I mean I wouldn't know because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things we don't want to change about ourselves? I'm sure that Sam has been at the doctor's office and riffled through pamphlets on mouth reductions. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed since he's not really using them anyway. And I'm definitely sure Tina has looked into eye de-slanting.

Tina

That's extraordinarily racist.

Santana

Just keeping it real.

Tina

Sorry Santana, I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I would never change a thing.

Mike

Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina? [whispers] Self hating Asian.

Tina

Not too many Asian sex symbols, Mike. I'm just trying to mirror what I see in magazines.

Finn

My dancing kind of bothers me. It almost killed Rachel but I like the way I look.

Santana

Oh please. You have weird puffy pyramid nipples.

Sam

[tries to look at Finn's nipples]

Finn

[slaps Sam's hand away]

Santana

They look like they're filled with custard. Or you could dust them off with powdered sugar and pass it off as some sort of dessert. Look, maybe Rachel is fine with having an enormous beak. Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds. All I'm saying is if you look in the mirror and you don't like what you see, you should change it.

Finn

Hey, Jesse. What'd you order, scrambled eggs? I mean, I know you usually like them served on people's heads.

Jesse

Quinn, you look stunning. The ghost of Grace Kelly. Let me know if you get tired of your boyfriend stomping on your pretty little feet all night. I'd be more than happy to cut in.

Finn

[pushes Jesse off Rachel] Hey! Dude, keep it PG.

Jesse

Dude, it's none of YB, your business.

Finn

Well this is my school so it is my business.

Jesse

Well, this isn't your girlfriend so beat it, MJ.

Finn

How do we know he's not gonna trick us into doing something stupid so his alma mater wins?

Jesse

I don't think I need to do much tricking to make you do something stupid, Finn.

Finn

Rachel and I should sing a duet. We killed it last year at regionals with "Faithfully".

Quinn

Yeah, killed us. We lost.

Finn

This was Jean's favorite song.

Sam

[turns on a television]

Finn

[Crying] Don't you feel anything anymore? This is real. This is happening.

Quinn

[Tear rolls down her cheek] Are you happy now? Is this me feeling enough for you?

Finn

I-I'm sorry, I still love yo-

Quinn

Just don't touch me!

Kurt

A year and a half ago, the New Directions were nothing but a group of six misfits stumbling their way through a horrific rendition of "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat". Now, here we are at the top of the show choir heap. Nationals!

Tina

I wanna hit up Central Park, get my frolic on!

I wanna throw stuff off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Finn

Guys hold on, I mean, we still have two songs to write.

Kurt

Okay, Mr Bossypants. But I think we have some time for a tune before we leave. [begins to sing] Start spreading the news. [everyone begins to join in] I'm leaving today. I wanna be a part of it. New York, New York!

Rachel

Guys, I have news. To celebrate our impending win at Nationals, I got us all thirteen tickets to Broadway's longest running show ever; Cats!

Mercedes

Did you know New York City was built on top of Old York City?

Tina

I'm pretty sure that's not true.

Mercedes

Oh. I'm just pretty.

Finn

Hey.

Rachel

Hi! I'm surprised at how well Quinn is taking the breakup. I guess I was wrong about her being a vindictive harpy.

Finn

I guess she just accepted the inevitable.

Rachel

Or maybe she's just distracted by the awesomeness of New York! I know I am. Hey, do you know why it smells like it's wet here all the time?

Finn

Nope. So, what's going on with you and Jesse?

Rachel

I don't know, he keeps texting me but I told him that I don't want to talk to him until I get back; no boys or distractions until we win that trophy. [leaves]

Will

Hey Finn, where the hell's Puckerman?

Finn

Umm...[glances at Puck and Lauren]

I'll have a Manhattan.

Do you even know what's in a Manhattan?

Yeah me, for the first time. Which is why I want to celebrate with a cocktail.

Brittany

Yeah, totally.

Quinn

[grabs her jacket] We gotta get out of here.

Rachel

Wait, no, no, no. Mr. Schue gave us explicit instructions.

Quinn

To write a song and our problem is our only inspiration are mattresses and bathroom cups.

Quinn's right. We're in the artist capital of the world. Poets, musicians, actors, playwrights. Every dreamer that's lived has passed through this city. And if we want our dreams to come true, we need to be there out with them, not stuck in here.

Finn

Guys, I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, we've still got those songs to write and if we don't write them then we're gonna lose.

Lauren

No, they're right! Can't you hear the city calling to you?

Quinn

We don't need to write songs for Nationals. New York's going to write them for us.

OK, can we just talk about the Jewish elephant in the room? Ask her out dude!

Finn

Who? Rachel? But she's totally into Jesse right now.

You're in New York, the city of love.

Sam

[mouth full of food] I thought that was Paris.

Anything's possible here, and you're going to ask her out tonight. Take her out on one of those big dates you see on unwatchable romantic comedies that you grow a vagina if you watch all the way through.

Sam

This is your shot, dude. If I was in a love with a girl, and I wasn't homeless, I'd totally go for it.

Finn

Hi.

Rachel

Hi. What's so important?

Finn

Uh... [gives the flowers he's holding to Rachel] These are for you. I thought since we're both captains and all that we should write a duet for Nationals.

Rachel

The tie, flowers, Central Park?

Finn

It's uh... a work date. Totally professional.

Finn

I like the way you dream so big, I don't know how to do that. You look so pretty tonight. Rachel, I have something to say to you.

Rachel

Oh my God. It's Patti LuPone!