What about instead of La Boheme we took our inspiration from Rent? East Village. 1985. Rickety tables. Chipped glassware. [phone rings] Excuse me. Hello?
How goes the party planning?
I am not participating in this
Oh my God. What can I do? What do you need?
You are not using this phone call to get out of party planning hell.
Oh...I'll be right there.
I can hear Rory on the other end. You are not as clever as you think you are.
...
OK so I'll call you later? Ok?
The stairs are rickety, and you think you might fall down them?
The pool is empty and you think you might have hit your head??
Would you like the brown card with the cream colored detail with the parchment insert or would you like the cream colored card with the silk lining and the clear paper insert. How about I'd like some cyanide and a 30 story building to jump off of.
[picks up a box of Cap'n Crunch at Doosie's]
We said one sugary cereal.
You're going to deny me the Captain?
We've got a whole box of Froot Loops at home.
In my fragile state you're going to deny me Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?
In a delightful sugary way. Look it's got 5% real peanut butter flavored chemicals.
No. [picks up a jar of pasta sauce] Which one do we get??
Avoid the words "made with real vegetables".
I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai, for better or for worse. I like Christopher.
I think he's good for you. But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. It's about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not about winning an argument, which may make you sad, because that's what you love. But I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this seriously, it could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee.
Cuz I was thinking all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.
Hey, don't steal my material.
What do you mean, "your material?" You ripped me off.
I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top or Woody Allen gets his material from the "whats-his-name" the guy with the watermelons.
I didn't let any Christmas happen. I Grinched it up so hard I didn't even let it snow! Thanks to me. Our agreement. Our pledge. Our oath!
Yes. Sheer force of will. We said no Christmas, so I had no Christmas.
You must have had a little Christmas.
No egg. No nog. I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel.
Yeah. I did an anti-snow dance. It was humiliating and arduous but I had made a promise to my daughter.
[Rory, Lorelai and Gigi are making popcorn-and-cranberry strands for their Christmas tree. Rory and Lorelai are talking about the letter Luke has asked Lorelai to write]
OK, so what guidelines did he give you?
None. None, no guidelines whatsoever. I'm supposed to write a character reference, so I thought I'd reference his character.
Sounds like you're on the right track.
No, I'm not, because it turns out I can't write.
No, I can't. I stare at the blank page and I just keep staring and staring and eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs, otherwise they'll fall out of my head like raisins. [Gigi giggles]
Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper, you have to have a writing implement of some kind.
[holds up her strand] Look!
You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio -- Rory's more of a one-to-one kind of gal, but I'm like you, I like a lot of cranberry, a little popcorn thrown in for flair. [aside to Rory] Yours is pretty too.
I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write just sounds so schmucky.
I'm sure that's not true...we're running low on cranberries.
[mocking herself] "Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community." Ugh! "Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the History Channel. And you know what phrase I keep using?! "Stand-up." "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. He's an upstanding member of Stars Hollow. A real stand-up citizen." People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian.
Sounds like you're overthinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper --
I tried that. I thought, I'll just sit down and write whatever comes. No judgment, no inner critic -- boy, was that a bad idea.
Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners'. 'The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.' Casablanca. Casablanca's such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants." [Gigi giggles]
"Hockey puck rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants"?
Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So I think, well, I need inspiration. I need a muse. Perhaps I need The Muse. Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming kaftan and coo inspirational words in my ear.
