[reading] "My Dearest Richard, It is with heavy heart that I write you this letter tonight, but I cannot stand by and let you make a terrible mistake. Until now, I had thought, hoped, prayed that you would come to the same conclusion that I have. But you have not, and therefore, I feel it is my duty as your mother to beg you to reconsider your impending marriage." [Lorelai gasps.] "I'm sure that Emily is a very suitable woman for someone, but not for you. She will not be able to make you happy. She does not have the Gilmore stamina or spark. She is simply not a Gilmore."
[continues reading] "I don't know the circumstances surrounding your breakup with Pennilyn Lott, but it is still my belief that she is much better suited for you than Emily." [Voice breaking] "I know that the timing of this is particularly awkward, since you are to be married tomorrow."
I don't know. What do you think Pennilyn Lott would do? You think she'd set it up in the dining room? Because personally, I think we should just toss some cheese cubes in the coffin, stuff some toothpicks in her mouth, and let the people go to town.
I don't know what we are, but I am so cold right now that the thought of spending a week with a bunch of drunken bimbos and rattle-headed frat boys seems like a very good trade off for being warm.
[Talking on cell phone]: Okay, forget I said "giant Q-tips." They're not hitting each other with giant Q-tips. [Referring to a couple boys fighting with Pugil sticks American Gladiator-style]
[on Lorelai’s answering machine] Hey, it’s Luke. I’m sorry to be calling you like this, but I was wondering if when you get this message if you could come pick me up, ’cause I need a ride. I’m in Lichtfield, the corner of Mason and Pine. It’s a big white building, you’ll recognize it by the police sign outside, ’cause oh hell, I’m in jail. Okay, there, I said it. It’s a long story, I’ll tell you when you get here. Thanks, if you come. Oh, one more thing, I need to borrow a little money, 300 bucks, it’s just a loan, oh hell, it’s for my bail.
Oh, come on. You know why. We were going to tell them when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea we were dealing with the Carringtons. All we needed was a swimming pool and some ball gowns to really end the evening right.
Oh, no, no, no. He left me the business, but without the clients, the business consists of some stationery, a coffee maker, and some rubber pencil grips.
There are two of them. They're not even easing me into this, those bastards. I give up. I guess I need to start collecting newspapers and magazines, find a blue bathrobe, lose my front teeth.
You want it? You can have it. And not compromised, stifling, soul-killing love, but open, honest, life-affirming love. But how do you get it? How do you get this love?
It's going to take work. It's going to take introspection. You're gonna have to learn new things -- how to be your own best friend, how to treat your damaged psyche with a little kindness, how to say, "hey, pal, you're worth it. You mean something to someone, and you deserve love." That is the key. If you crave love, then you deserve love. Say that to yourself. If I crave love, I deserve love. [Luke sighs deeply.] Now, how did that feel coming out? I'll bet it was hard. I'll bet you felt ridiculous. Some of you may even have been incapable of saying it at all. Try again.
Trust me, my friend -- it will get easier, until one day, you turn around, and you are not alone. Ready to begin the journey? It's going to be one hell of a ride. Okay, let's go. Open up your workbook to page one.
