TV show quotes
Not at all sad?
About getting my arm back? No.
Really? ‘Cause I’ve kind of gotten used to Casty over here. I mean, we decorated him, we talked to him, we protected him from getting wet in the shower.
Okay, it’s time to wean you off of getting attached to inanimate objects.
Casty, no one understands you like I do. What? No, I did not know Mr. Band-Aid said that to you. Ugh, I will talk to him when we get home.
[at Sookie's wedding] What are you doing here?
Hello to you too...You look nice.
Thank you. What..what are you doing here?
I'm going to move back.
What?
I'm going to move back.
But..But why?
Just wanted to...
[long pause. Rory and Jess gaze into each others eyes and she kisses him]
Oh my God, oh my God. [starts to run away]
Rory...
[Rory turns around]
Don't say a word!
OK.
[While running away] Oh, welcome home!
Pink is for girls. Jackson's not a girl. Jackson doesn't like pink. I have all this pink, it's like saying, 'Hey, screw you. You want a say in this? Well, grow some ovaries.'
I've called several times the past few weeks and you've skillfully avoided every call.
No, that's not true. I've left messages on your machine.
Yes, messages. And then if I happened to pick up, you'd hang up. Or if the maid picked up, you'd ask for me, then claim you were driving through a tunnel so you might get cut off, and then you'd make garbling noises and hang up.
Shouldn't we give thanks first?
Thanks for what?
Well, that we're not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
Amen.
So no offense but what's with that lame-o kiss?
What?
You and Jess, you look like a couple of chickens pecking each other.
Mind your own business.
Well it was right in front of me.
So, I don't need a review.
My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie.
How so?
I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It’s Thanksgiving – you’d think they have needs. Nope. Every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers.
Bummer.
I’m on a couple waiting lists, but it doesn’t look good.
I’ve never heard of too many volunteers.
Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can’t all be students like me. They’re not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don’t get a thing. Talk about selfish.
[Jess carries the trash bag down the street, and he finds Dean standing on the sidewalk.]
Nothing to say?
Guess not.
That’s funny, you usually have something to say.
Guess I’m all talked out.
What’s the matter, Jess? Why you walking away?
It’s getting a little West Side Story here, Dean, and I gotta warn you, my dancing skills are not up to snuff.
But now’s your chance, there’s no one else around.
Go home. Cool off.
Come on, make one of your Boy Scout references, or a good Farmer John joke. I got my Doose’s Market apron with me: you want me to put it on, give you a little inspiration? I don’t get it, what happened, you suddenly like me now?
Oh yeah, I was just about to invite you campin'.
Good, okay, now we’re gettin' somewhere.
I’m not gonna fight you, Dean.
Why?
‘Cause if I fight you, Rory’s gonna think it’s my fault, so just forget it, okay? Just forget it. Go home. Let it rest.
So Rory’s got a nice little hold on you now, huh?
Geez. [Dean gets right in front of his face.] Don’t do that.
How does it feel?
It feels like I’m with Rory and you’re not.
You know, when all this happened with you and me and Rory, I figured I’d just stay out of everyone’s way, that that would be easiest. But now, I’m looking at you and I’m thinking, I’m gonna run from him? The Glad man? This is my town, I’m not hiding. And I don’t have be remotely calm around you anymore, and I like that feeling. I like it a lot. Happy Thanksgiving, Jess.
If I came in there wearing white gloves, what would I find?
That you could pull a rabbit out of your hat?
This couch cannot stay.
Yes, it can.
It’s awful.
It can hear you.
Okay, so monkey lamp’s in the closet, singing rabbi’s in a drawer, and all Spice Girl memorabilia’s under your bed. How do I look?
Like a woman who does not own any Spice Girl memorabilia.
You look pretty, too.
You need to develop a defense mechanism for dealing with Grandma.
What are you talking about?
You just need a system, a new mindset. Take me, for example.
What about you?
Well, I know there are many things in my life you don't approve of.
Like what?
Like this couch.
Well, this couch is terrible.
Okay, good – you think the couch is terrible. Now, at one point in my life, you saying a couch that I carefully picked out and had to pay off over eight months is terrible might've hurt my feelings, but not anymore.
No?
No.
Why not?
Because one day, I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I'm gonna be amused. I'm gonna find it funny. I'm even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it.
You take pleasure in my disapproval?
I encourage it sometimes just for a laugh.
I don't know what to think of that.
Think, ‘hey, that's brilliant', because this idea could set you free.
Is Jess your real name?
Yes.
Do you like it?
It's fine.
Would you rather be named Bill?
No.
Frank?
No.
Mike?
No.
Bob?
No.
Ed?
Does this belong to you?
Clara, you want a snowcone?
Yes, will you get me a snowcone?
Absolutely. Go stand in the middle of the street and wait for me, I'll be right back.
Who would ever have thought that all inns need doors?
Not me.
And floors.
Doors and floors, we can’t afford that.
Well, we better, otherwise our guests will fall right through to China.
I can just imagine the phone calls.
How many times do I have to tell them? You can’t put a two-inch ladle of gravy into a one-inch potato crater. You either need a smaller ladle or a bigger crater – otherwise, you get this.
Gravy on your asparagus.
Yes.
Paris, the cafeteria workers serve hundreds of students a day. A little gravy spillage is natural.
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