I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid.
Then don’t do ‘em.
Well, but if you don’t do them, you’re not only stupid, you’re also a coward.
S2 E19Teach Me Tonight
My mother told me never go through a lady’s bag. . .at least, not until you’re a couple blocks away. I’m just kidding, she never said that. Though it sounds like pretty good advice, doesn’t it?
Ah, Lorelai, good. I need one minute of your time.
I’ll give you two because you scare me.
S2 E20Help Wanted
[Lorelai is helping her father set up his new office and goes to answer the phone.]
Gilmore Group, may I help you? Oh no, Margie doesn't work for the company anymore. I'm the one who called to schedule the DSL appointment. Well, no, no, we really need the DSL line installed today — it's just awful being without it. Uh-huh, okay, if you can make it before five everything is good but any later than that won't work because the cable modem people are dropping by about 5:05. Well, thank you, that's great! Okay, bye. [to Richard] They'll be here in twenty minutes.
I know that there's no way that you would be involved in something like that if it weren't for that Sal Mineo wannabe. Believe me, Chachi and Chachi alone will be held responsible for that incident.
You're crude and unprofessional.
I'd like that on my tombstone please.
What?
Nothing. Are you tilting?
No.
I think you’re tilting.
I’m not tilting.
Do you wanna hold onto my purse? It might even you out.
Stop anytime you like. What are you doing?
Well, I’m gonna get a pen and put it on top of your head and see if it rolls off.
Okay, see, this is not how you console the injured.
That’s right, you make coffee, so you’ll need a coffee maker. Let’s see. Ugly, crappy, German, ooh - pretty!
Oh, well, as long as it’s pretty...
S2 E21Lorelai's Graduation Day
Oh, I'm so excited! Isn't this exciting?
MMan
I've been doing this for eight years.
Oh. So, not so exciting for you, then.
What does a stroke feel like?
I dunno. Bad.
Is Jackson in the house? Lemme hear ya say "ugh".
Ugh.
A new toy.
Shameless.
You are my favored eldest child. You get to stay by my side.
I feel privileged.
A 25 dollars savings bond.
That's a long-term investment. Don't touch it for thirty years and you're looking at 45 dollars.
S2 E22I Can't Get Started
Huh. You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
Huh.
I mean, think about it. You never hear the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Oh, dear God.
Poodle is another funny word.
Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
In fact, if you put oy and poodle together in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catch phrase, you know? Like, oy with the poodles already. So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catch phrase.
Oy with the poodles already.
I'm telling you, it's knocking ‘whatcha talking ‘bout, Willis?' right out of first place.
Lorelai, for God's sake, be quiet.
'Cause I'm so damn lonely not even Animal Planet does it for me anymore.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.