[Rory and Lorelai are shopping for school supplies.]
I’m going to a serious school now, I need serious paper.
LorelaiPaper’s paper.
Lorelai
Alright, fine. Here is your serious paper.
Lorelai
Ooh and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin pencils, your manic-depressive pens.
Lorelai
Now these erasers are on lithium so they may seem cheerful but we actually caught them trying to shove themselves in the pencil sharpener earlier.
Lorelai
No, wait! We’re going to stage an intervention with the neon post-its and make them give up their wacky crazy ways.
[After Rory got her first D on a test]
A "D" at Stars Hollow is like an "F" at Chilton. It's worse, it's like a "G" or a... "W".
Lorelai
I'm guessing the spelling test didn't go well either?
[Lorelai is quizzing Rory for her test on Shakespeare]
Lorelai
The Comedy of Errors... written?
Lorelai
Published?
Lorelai
Oo, 1623... close.
Lorelai
You got the 16 part right.
Lorelai
Well...anything under a hundred is close.
What kind of a rule is that?!
Lorelai
I'm running the study session here.
[After cramming all night for the test the next day, Rory wakes up at the kitchen table]
Lorelai
Aww...jeez, such a bad sleeping idea.
Lorelai
What?
I'm late, I'm late! I woke up late!
Lorelai
Rory, calm down.
I can't calm down, I missed my bus. Get up!
Lorelai
Sweety, mommy can't get up right now, mommy's been sleeping at a right angle all night.
[A French businessman walks up to the front desk.]
FBFrench Businessman
Bonjour, monsieur. Vous êtes français? Vous parlez français?
[Translation: "Hello, sir. Are you French? Do you speak French?"]
FBFrench Businessman
Mais vous avez un accent français. Vous parlez pas français?
[Translation: "But you have a French accent. Don't you speak French?"]
Sir, I'm just a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this "français" business you're babbling about.
Lorelai
Pardon.
[Lorelai takes Michel aside.]
Lorelai
He knows you are not from Texas.
Lorelai
Michel, I told you there would be a French group here for a couple of days, and it's your job to keep them happy.
Lorelai, I don't know how many French people you've met over the years, but most of them are insufferable.
Lorelai
[sarcastically] Really?
Mm. That is why I left France.
Lorelai
Huh. I thought it had something to do with the torches and the villagers. Michel, talk to them.
[He turns away from Lorelai. She just glares at him.]
You are giving me that look, aren't you? Your patented "Do it or something unspeakable shall befall you" look. [pause, sighs] Fine, I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.
Lorelai
Then you will be yourself. Good choice.
[Rory and Lorelai arguing about Lorelai dating Rory's teacher]
How long have you been dating him?
Lorelai
I haven't! This was going to be the first time.
And when were you planning on telling me about this? On your wedding day?
Lorelai
No, by the rehearsal dinner at least!
[after Lorelai tells Emily on the phone that she attended a wake for a cat, after complaining about not being able to attend a relative's wake]
I'm looking up "aneurysm" in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one.
Lorelai
I just wanted to be honest with you, Mom. Silly me!
Lorelai
Yeah, a cat, it was a cat's funeral.
You skipped your own cousin's funeral for a cat funeral?
Lorelai
Not my cousin, Mom. My father's grandmother's sister's girl whom I've never ever uh..
You said you couldn't be away from the inn.
Lorelai
Well, I couldn't at the time, but I worked it out.
Lorelai
[sighs] It's late, I have a big day tomorrow, Mom.
Oh, what? You're going to a raccoon's wedding?
Lorelai
[With a fixed smile] Goodnight, mother!
Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our wills.
Take a look at that desk in my office. It's a really fine Georgian piece.
Lorelai
Why don't I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?
Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.
Nonsense. You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a post-it on it.
Lorelai
OK, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.
You can pick out things too, you know.
Lorelai
Oh, well now it's way less creepy.
Did you hear that Richard? Apparently we're creepy.
Yes, well, live and learn.
Lorelai
What's that?
Lorelai
It's pudding.
Well if you knew what it was why did you ask?
Lorelai
You don't like pudding.
Yes, but you like pudding.
Lorelai
Oh, I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.
I've never had pudding from a crystal bowl before.
Put a post-it on it when you're done.
So, is this party Grandma's having gonna be a big deal?
Lorelai
Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert…again. Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
You ask a simple question…
[Lorelai wakes Rory up on her birthday at 4:03 am, the moment she was born, to tell her the story of her birth, a birthday tradition]
Lorelai
[whispering as if this is a fairytale] And it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position --
Lorelai
Only I had a huge, fat stomach and big fat ankles and I was swearing like a sailor--
Lorelai
On leave -- right! And there I was --
Lorelai
And while some have called it the most meaningful experience of your life, to me it was something more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.
I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.
Lorelai
And I was screaming and swearing and being surrounded as I was by a hundred prominent doctors, I just assumed there was an actual use for the cup of ice chips they gave me.
Lorelai
But pelting the nurses sure was fun.
Gilmore Girls · 747 quotes
