Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Fry

Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography.

Professor Farnsworth

Actually, that's still true.

Now that the garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions?

With gusto. [The two scientists begin disrobing.]

Leela

Get ready to run. We got 25 minutes.

Leela

Uh, 15 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] 5 minutes. [The timer beeps again.] "6h" minutes?

Bender

There's your problem: the professor put the counter on upside down!

Leela

That idiot! It wasn't set for 25 minutes; it was set for 52 seconds!

Fry

[screams] AHHHH! We're gonna die!...Right?

Bender

Right.

Bender

Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.

Leela

Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?

Bender

I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?

Fry

[Chuckles] Good ol' Bender.

Leela

Bender, we didn't mind your drinking, or your kleptomania, or your pornography ring.

Zoidberg

In fact, that's why we loved you.

Leela

But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us.

Fry

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you. Just like when my friend Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs, and then he sold me my mom's VCR, and then, later, I found out he was taking drugs. You make me ashamed to be your friend.

Fry

I don't feel well...

Leela

It's up to us to rescue him.

Fry

Maybe he likes it here in Hell...

Leela

It's us who tempted him to sin.

Fry

Maybe he's back at the motel...

Leela

Come on, Fry, don't be scared,

Fry

My ass has blisters from the slide!

Fry

Bender, are you alright?

Bender

No! Oh, they tortured me with up-tempo singing and dancing!

Fry

I know Big Vinny said he was giving me the Kiss of Death, but I still think he's gay.

Leela

Did he use his tongue?

Fry

A little.

Leela

That was the worst delivery ever.

Fry

Yeah, I'm never going to another planet called Cannibalon.

Bender

Me neither! Food was good, though.

Bender

You all go without me! I'm gonna take one last look around, you know, for, uh, stuff to steal!

Fry

You're going back for the Countess, aren't you?

Bender

All right, I am. But I don't want the others to know. If I don't come back, just say I died robbing some old man.

Fry

I'll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger.

Bender

[hugging Fry] I love you, buddy!

Fry

You're not jealous, are you?

Leela

No!

Fry

Good, 'cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Fry

Oh. Look, I'm not actually interested in her, if that's what's bothering you.

Leela

Oh, are you sure? I mean, she has two eyes, you have two eyes...?

Fry

I know. We seem like a perfect match. But, I just don't feel that way about her.

Leela

Well, accommodations aren't great, but it sure is beautiful out here

Fry

Yeah, it's pretty romantic- I mean, platonic, that sure is one platonic view.

Leela

Fry, just be quiet, I'm starting to think this whole fake fiance thing was a terrible, terrible [gasps]

Leela

Uh, look... Before you get any crazy ideas, that was for Zapp.

Fry

Well, you got anything else for him?

Professor Farnsworth

Good news, everyone! We've got a very special delivery today.

Fry

Who's it going to?

Professor Farnsworth

Me.

Bender

[dusting off hands] Another job well done!

Leela

What you did to Guenter was cruel. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special, I think we learned who the real animal was today.

Fry

You mean peer pressure?

Fry

Very impressive. Back in the 20th century we had no idea there was a university on Mars.

Professor Farnsworth

Well, in those days, Mars just was a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland. Much like Utah. But UNLIKE Utah, it was eventually made livable, when the university was founded in 2636.