Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Do you remember when chocolate-chip cookies came fresh out of the oven? Petridge Farm remembers

Fry

Oh, those were the days...

Do you remember when women weren't allowed to vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.

Fry

I finally found what I need to be happy and it's not friends, it's things.

Bender

I'm a thing...

Leela

Since when do you care about us?

Bender

We thought you only cared about cans of anchovies and stuffy songs about the buttocks!

Fry

No, that's true!

Mom

Toodle-oo! [Under her breath.] Dumbass...

Fry

What a nice lady.

Prof. Farnsworth

I'm sorry, Fry, but anchovies went extinct in the 2200s.

Fry

Wha?

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, my, yes. Fished out of existence... just about the time your people arrived on Earth, Dr. Zoidberg.

Zoidberg

I'm not on trial here.

Fry

So, none of you have ever had anchovies? Oh, man! You don't know what you're missing. They were salty and oily and melted in your mouth...

Zoidberg

Okay, okay! I admit it! My people ate them all! We kept saying one more couldn't hurt, and then they were gone! We're sorry!

Fry

Okay, my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.

Amy

I don't know, I've had cow.

Leela

I don't get it, Fry. Who was Ted Danson, and why did you bid $10, 000 for his skeleton?

Fry

I have an idea for a sitcom.

Zoidberg

That stench. That heavenly stench! [Eats all the anchovies] More...

Fry

There aren't any more, and there never will be.

Zoidberg

[advances menacingly] More...More! More! MORE!!! [camera zooms into Zoidberg's pupil, revealing the end credits]

Fry

Hey, whatcha watching?

Leela

Is that a cooking show?

Bender

[turns off the TV] No, of course not. It was... uh... porno. Yeah, that's it.

Leela

[turns the TV back on] Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.

Bender

Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long.

Fry

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too.

Bender

[sotto voce] Pansy.

Leela

Look at all these guys. Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?

Fry

Uhh...... 80,000 years?

Leela

No, one week!

Fry

Damn! I knew you wouldn't have asked unless it was really high or really low.

Fry

It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.

Bender

I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!

Fry

Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.

Bender

Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Fry

These things happen.

Bender

Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!

Fry

Phew, that's a load off my mind.

Fry

Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.

Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?

Fry

Can't imagine why I would.

Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.

Fry

Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?

Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.

Fry

On second thought, I'll take that one.

Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.

Fry

[After testing the Smell-o-Scope] Just don't make me smell Uranus! [Laughs]

Leela

I don't get it.

Professor Farnsworth

I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.

Fry

So what's it called now?

Professor Farnsworth

Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.

Fry

Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.

Leela

Those things are all from the 19th century.

Fry

Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.