Philip J. Fry quotes from Futurama

Farnsworth

Now, Fry, before you go into space, you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you, though, he's a little unusual. [whispering] He wears sandals. [The door opens. Dr. Zoidberg, who is indeed wearing sandals, turns his head. Fry shrieks.] Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.

Zoidberg

Excellent, excellent. [He bends over and retrieves a medical tool.]

Farnsworth

You'll be fine. [he leaves]

Zoidberg

Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.

Zoidberg

No, no, not that mouth.

Fry

I only have one.

Zoidberg

Really? [he pulls a reference card from his top pocket, then looks at it]

Fry

Uh... is there a human doctor around?

Zoidberg

[angrily] Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say [makes a bizarre gurgling noise]!

Fry

Uh... [clears throat, then very poorly imitates the noise Zoidberg had just made]

Zoidberg

[even more angrily] What?! My mother was a SAINT! GET OUT!!!

The story of lunar exploration started with one man - a man with a dream.

One of these days, Alice-- Bang, zoom, straight to the moon!

Leela

Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.

Fry

That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife

Fry

Uh, greetings Moon Man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.

Sal

Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.

Fry

But, you are lazy right?

Sal

Oh, don't get me started!

Fry

Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets. [puts one on Bender's head]

Bender

Get it off! Get it off! GET IT--uh, oh. [singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you...

Bender

Keep those things off me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit.

Fry

So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?

Bender

Yep. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to want to be a folk singer...

Fry

I don't get it. What's the catch?

Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey.

Fry

Not one place even remotely liveable.

Bender

[in his sleep] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all humans...

Fry

Bender, wake up!

Bender

Wh-uh? I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.

Fry

Where's the bathroom?

Bender

The bath what?

Fry

Bathroom.

Bender

The what room?

Fry

Bathroom!

Bender

The what what?

Fry

Never mind.

Bender

Hey, sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?

Leela

Wow, this is fantastic.

Fry

I don't know, I don't want to pay for an extra dimension we're not going to use.

Prof. Farnsworth

Oh, fuff! Fry's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimballa, who ruled Zuban 5 over 29 million years ago.

Fry

Hey, Professor, great jerky!

Farnsworth

My God, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy!

Administer the test.

Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: a large properly formatted data file?

Choose!

Fry

Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way?

No, it is the bad kind of puppy.

Leela

Then we'll go with that data file!

Correct!

The flower would also have been acceptable.

Fry

Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten store-bought costumes.

Leela

Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's in this quadrant.

Bender

Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday.

Fry

Really? Which one?

Bender

Only Robanukkah, the holiest two weeks on the robot calendar.

Leela

Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was "Robamadan" and before that "Robanza".

Fry

Man, that one was a blast!

Bender

It wasn't just "a blast". It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest.

Fry

I don't get this. Is Blernsball exactly the same as baseball?

Farnsworth

Baseball? God forbid.

Leela

Face it, Fry, baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.

Fry

Boring? Baseball wasn't bori— [He cuts himself off.] ... So, they finally jazzed it up!

Welcome to a very special human hunt! We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer!

A newly-arrived refugee from Earth, let's hear it for... Bender!

Fry

It's him! He's OK!

Bender

Death to humans!

Fry

Aww... It's good to hear his voice.

Fry

We're rescuing ya.

Bender

I don't want to be rescued.

Fry

Say what?

Bender

I love this planet! I've got wealth, fame, and access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

Leela

You can't just sit here in the dark listening to classical music.

Fry

I could if you hadn't turned on the light and shut off the stereo.